Why Don’t We Celebrate Friendships Like We Celebrate Everything Else? | The Love Story Without a Marriage License

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Jackie. Welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come at the marriage license.

0:10 Jackie: This podcast is all about friendship, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

0:14 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, let's get slightly unsupervised.

0:20 Jackie: Okay, today's episode Why Don't We Celebrate Friendship Like We Celebrate Everything Else? The love story we've forgotten. Welcome back to Slightly Unsupervised. Today we're asking a question that neither of us ever had ever really thought about until Jennifer started owning a wedding chapel. Think about it. We celebrate birthdays, graduations, engagements, weddings, anniversaries, baby showers, and even retirement parties. But what about the women who helped us survive every one of those moments?

0:47 Jackie: Today we're asking why friendship has become one of the most important relationships in our lives, yet one of the least celebrated.

0:54 Jennifer: Yeah, this is a big one because uh I've been jumping on a lot of podcasts lately. I'm now sort of going out and we have a couple of sites, and she's getting us on other podcasts. We're trying to get this best of money thing out in the world. And uh one of the main things I talk about a lion on these podcasts is that, you know, I can list off for you the things that we do for a romantic relationship. There's anniversaries, there's the engagement, the bachelorette, party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, reception, our day after the wedding brunch, anniversary, Valentine's Day.

1:27 Jennifer: I can go on and on and on about all the things we do to highlight the one romantic relationship we have in our life. And I can tell you that I'm looking at my best friend on the screen here, and what do we do to celebrate to you? I'll tell you. On your birthday, we send you something that tells us how special you are because you're in this world. But it's not our day. It's your day. And it's your day with your family, it's your day with your husband, it's your day with your kids, it's one day with your parents.

1:53 Jennifer: It's not our day. It's just a day. And so I guess the question really becomes is why don't we celebrate friendship like we celebrate everything else? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's Grandparents' Day, there's all sorts of days that go on. And there is a, I think, a national bestie day, but I don't know how how much that really I think people see it on the internet sometimes or their friends say, Oh, it's National Bestie Day, oh, my best friend, and maybe we should do a little shout-out, but it's not because it's coming up, it's not because we're gonna celebrate it, it's just because we saw it on the internet or we saw somebody post something and we're like, oh, it's bestie day, happy bestie day.

2:28 Jennifer: So I guess really what I'm saying about all this is that here's a very important relationship in your life, and very little is done to recognize it. And you know, my goal in life is to make sure that we we appreciate our best friends more and we recognize this friendship as one of life's foundational relationships. That's it. That's what it is. I I just really can't express that enough. It is the goal is to just recognize it, to say, hey, how come we don't? And one of the I went on a podcast yesterday and I thought this was interesting.

3:00 Jennifer: The lady asked me that what about if you're married to somebody and they don't they want you to be their only they want to be the focus of your life, they want you to be their best friend and they don't want you to have a best friend. And I had a pretty interesting answer. I was like, well, that sounds like a person that's asking you to do that's problem, that they can't possibly imagine sharing somebody. And unless you as a woman, we as women, highlight this person as somebody that's not going anywhere.

3:28 Jennifer: Like when you start dating or you start going hanging out with somebody and really that they recognize that this person is part of your life from the start and that's not gonna change, and that they have to adjust to that to begin with, and that's not the other way around, that you're not going to replace them in your life for this person. That if we don't change that sort of narrative in our lives and say, this one is my friend, she's not going anywhere. We're a package deal, and I need her for my own sanity, I need her for my own place to find answers to questions that I need to answer.

4:02 Jennifer: You can't help me sometimes with the problems I'm having, because sometimes the problems I'm having are with you. So I need my outlet. So you and I in particular, Jack, have had this happen because you married somebody and I was out, and all of your person, everybody that supported you was kind of out of your life and wanted that focus to be on you. So you have a better insight on that to say that that's definitely a bad idea for women to do because it does isolate you so quickly and really you have nowhere to turn.

4:35 Jennifer: What do you think about that?

4:36 Jackie: Yeah, definitely. I actually just saw a uh show too, and I don't want to go on what happened in it, but it's a crime show and it's a true story. But they were talking about this husband or that they were just getting married, and the best friend really liked the guy that she was marrying. But on the day of the wedding, the the best friend actually made a remark, Well, I actually married her before you did, because the best friends actually did get dressed in wedding dresses and had a a friendship marriage.

5:01 Jackie: They did a little little like marriage to each other, kind of like what we have is the testimonies where they did a little ceremony instead to put best friend little thing together. Right. Little ceremony. And he got very upset. He did not like that, did not want to talk about it, did not think it was a good thing. And I mean, that was a red flag for me when I saw that on that.

5:19 Jennifer: Yeah.

5:20 Jackie: Wasn't a good ending in it. That's just what I gotta say.

5:24 Jennifer: Well, that's what I'm saying is like the if we don't make the definition of this friendship as of this relationship being very important in our lives, it's very easy for you to be influenced to remove it from your life if you feel like you're trying to make somebody happy, right? Which is kind of what you were doing, right? You were trying to make your husband your all and you were gonna be this great wife and all these things, and whatever you asked you to do, you you let him kind of dictate your life for whatever reason.

5:48 Jennifer: And so you ended up in this predicament where you had none of your friends, right? All the friends that you have, you had no friends. And it's an isolating thing. And and we we have to change the narrative of that. Yes, you can be a great wife, and yes, he can be your best friend. I know your husband is one of your very best friends, Jackie. If not, your best is best is friend. But he cannot give you what women can give you, which is a place to sound your feelings, your emotions, and your frustrations in a way that you can be heard and recognized, and somebody can help you.

6:20 Jennifer: If they are your only source for everything, you've really got yourself in a pickle.

6:24 Jackie: And that's my my second husband now, yes. He knows that.

6:28 Jennifer: Yeah.

6:28 Jackie: I I I did wrong on my with my first, yes.

6:31 Jennifer: Right, right. And even just having an opinion, you know, like he gets mad sometimes. It doesn't matter, but he's like, jokes with you, like she always has to have the opposite opinion or an opinion. I'm like, yeah, good, good. We're moving. We've we've learned something here. So I'm always rooting for you to, you know. No, that's not what she thinks. She's not gonna tell you what she thinks just because you think it. So but friendship isn't visible, and we've got to figure out how a way to make this a visible part of our lives because I think we really have done a very good job at highlighting a lot of relationships.

7:02 Jennifer: And I don't think as society we have done anything meaningful for this relationship. And I think that we owe it to our best friends to change that narrative and to start recognizing them. I don't know if that's a day. I don't know if that's a weekend. I don't know how we change the narrative. I don't think National Bestie Day is the day. I think that's too broad. I think there's too many people and it may not coincide to yours. So, you know, we need to come up with some way that we recognize it and, you know, that's our weekend.

7:34 Jennifer: We're going. That's our best friend day. And you're not, you know, changing our narrative there. So it it's changed. My, you know, my life changed when I bought this wedding travel because I sat there and listened to vows all day long. I promise to love you and honor you and stand by you. Sickness and health tell us to us part. Aren't those vows you could say to each other, Jack? I promise to love you, uh, honor you, and stand by you, and and you know, those are a few Yeah.

7:57 Jackie: There's there's those things to each other.

8:00 Jennifer: We did. It's on our best emotions on YouTube channel if you want to listen to it. But it's important. And saying it, another thing that came up in one of these podcasts I was in, Jackie. I want to ask you is that she goes, Well, s after you did it, did it make your friendship different? And I go, I think it did. I think it I think saying it and I think giving that to somebody and telling them something and really opening up and being vulnerable with your best friend when we don't really do that.

8:26 Jennifer: I mean, we're we're friends, but you know, we're in a friend, we have a relationship, we're not really sitting down and going over what's happened in our lives and what we did for each other. I said, I think it did. I think it changed it a little bit. I think we're closer now because of it. What what is your take on that?

8:39 Jackie: Saying it out loud. Oh, definitely. Because I feel like when we're together, we just talk about the fun times. We don't get, yeah, like you said, vulnerable. We don't talk about those things. Um we don't say that the the heart felt. I mean, we do, we do tell each other we love each other and things like that, but we don't get so deep as we did. Like I like there are things that you said that you'd never heard heard me say to you about how proud I was of you. And and I was. I'm so proud of what you've become.

9:06 Jackie: And like you were not what you were supposed to become, you know. Well, you know, the a teenage pregnancy, that's not what you know, not they usually don't become very successful. Hello. Right. Let's say let's say that, okay. It was a harder, it was a harder hill for me to climb than most exactly. And look at look at how look at how well you've done. Incredible. Two great boys, a successful businesswoman. I mean, and you you had to work really hard. And like I said, I was so, so proud of you. And I never said that.

9:36 Jackie: Right. Think about it. Because we just sit and talk, but I just assume you know that. I know. I think that's another thing. We just assume that the other knows everything. Right. Until we sat down and actually said it to each other.

9:48 Jennifer: Right. Exactly. And then when you do, you're like, oh man, I like, I didn't realize I was one, impactful in your life, because you know, obviously you and I have impactful things have happened with each other. And two is that I had no idea you thought that. And I can only say that is that you could be the bestest, closest person to your best friend. And when we don't actually verbalize those things, we just assume the other one knows is really if you did that with your husband, if you just assumed your husband knew how much you loved him and how much you cared about him, how much you appreciate him, and all those things, and he just never said anything to him.

10:21 Jennifer: You know, you could see how that could be pretty isolating and be like, well, I know I mean something to her. I mean, we're best friends, but what? What do you mean to me? So it I did say that. I said, something did change and something did occur because when you say it out loud and you're in front of them, I go, first of all, you're gonna cry. It's just gonna happen because there's so emotion, so much emotions there. So much of life chapters that we've done together that nobody else has done with us.

10:45 Jennifer: You know what I mean? Rick can't go back to, you know, high school and go through that with you. He can't go through your twenty, you know what I mean? There's so many parts of your life I did witness, and there's so many parts of my life you witness that unless you were there, you can't really replicate that. You can't really go back to say that's how we were, how you felt. And also, you kept me alive. I mean, I'm gonna always say that to my friends at that point is like when your life dips so low and you're so you're so stunned by the environment around you that's happened and and the way that somebody's perceived you to be or makes you want to perceive, and you girls went fighting back for me.

11:21 Jennifer: You know, I'm never gonna forget that. But I can't replicate that. I can't tell you anybody else how that feels. I could only the people that were there know and understand. And that's part of this friendship thing that's such an important part of our lives is that you were I was there, Jackie, for some of your stuff and you were there for mine. And you know where we're minds were at.

11:42 Jackie: And I don't I don't think we both realized how important we were with each other with our families either. How much we really helped each other because we didn't have the families that uh the friends around us had. We had difficult families.

11:55 Jennifer: Right.

11:55 Jackie: Not that we didn't have good families, they were all right. They I mean we're here, we were raised, but we just didn't have the you know, the TV beaver cleaver perfect families at home. We had some difficulties that help each other grew up. Right.

12:11 Jennifer: And I think we had to go through that to go back and look at it and be like, yeah, that's that's you know, in the minute, the moment we were in it, we didn't necessarily say that. But the moment that we got past it and we kind of had some time to rest, we can go back and honestly say, Well, thank God you were there because it was such a portion.

12:29 Jackie: I don't think I really realized that either until we really talked, you know. Yeah.

12:33 Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So I think it does change. I think it's important. I don't know how you do it when you do it, you should do it. You can do it by their lead and do it at their funerals, but try to give it to them before that. Try to give them that gift because it's uh it's a gift to have, it's a gift to hear, and it's a gift to have that somebody thinks that way about you. So, anyways, I you know the goal is to change our mindset. The goal is to change the idea that these friendships have a very important part in our lives and they are in the forefront and not in the rear view mirror, like, oh well, you were good for me then, but now I'm moving forward.

13:06 Jennifer: Like you go with them and you take them with you. So keep these friendships alive and well. All right, Jackie, shall we go into the best?

13:12 Jackie: Sure. Let's see. Why do you think women celebrate weddings but rarely celebrate lifelong friendships?

13:18 Jennifer: Because there's no platform to do it. Nobody's doing it.

13:20 Jackie: Society.

13:21 Jennifer: Yeah.

13:21 Jackie: Society historically and culturally prioritizes romantic partnerships over platonic ones. Yep.

13:28 Jennifer: Yeah. Now we're brought up. We were brought up that way. So that's that's the goal, right? Our mission is pretty simple. Appreciate our best friends and recognize the friendship as life. Life's foundational one of life's foundational relationships. So that's the goal you and I have, and we're on a quest to do it. So I appreciate my best friend coming on this goal, this this mission with me because it's so important that when I'm talking to people, Jackie, that I'm saying, well, my best friend and I, and we do this, and it's, you know, I'm talking from a place of experience and not a place of I imagine.

13:59 Jennifer: So I appreciate you for that. So thank you. Okay. Do you think we've been taught that friendship is less important than romantic love?

14:06 Jackie: Yeah.

14:06 Jennifer: Same thing.

14:07 Jackie: Again, society teaches us that romantic love matters more than friendship.

14:11 Jennifer: Yeah. It's the only thing that matters, right? It's you could be at a very successful woman, you can have a very successful life. You have beautiful friends, you've had a great, you know, experience with friends, and maybe you never found Mr. Wright, or maybe Mr. Wright never showed up, or Mr. Wright was Mr. Ron, or whatever. And all of society will judge you on that relationship. Did you successfully have a wedding, a marriage, and did you successfully have a good marriage? And if you didn't, well, you failed.

14:36 Jennifer: And that's the wrong, that's the wrong idea. Not everybody's in for that love, just like not everybody has a best friend. Not everybody finds their romantic partner. Have you ever felt taken for granted as a friend, even though you were always there?

14:48 Jackie: Yes. I think definitely.

14:50 Jennifer: Yeah. People, some people are not in it with their hearts aren't always in things, right? So it's very easy to take grant somebody for granted when you don't have the attachment to them and you could see them kind of.

15:01 Jackie: And the one and they're they're all behind me now.

15:04 Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah, because you learn, right? Age gives you wisdom. Age gives you wisdom. So I agree with that. Okay, Jack, go.

15:12 Jackie: Why do you think women wait until funerals to tell their best friend that she meant to what she meant to them? Because vulnerability and awkwardness, like we're just saying.

15:24 Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah. We did it. Yeah, we did it.

15:28 Jackie: And it's it's not as awkward as you think it is, because you get into emotion and you Once you get once you get into it, because since we start doing it, I mean there's a lot of crying and love and Right.

15:38 Jennifer: Right. But it's it's easy. It's easier and harder than you think. It's easy because you're telling this person that you love very deeply that you love them. And it's hard because you have to say the words, and every emotion that you've ever felt that has survived all the emotions of all the years of experience that we had together and what those all meant had come up to. So those were hard to get out because your emotions just get a hold of you. I don't know. Was there any girls that didn't cry?

16:09 Jennifer: No, no, I don't remember anybody not crying. It's an emotional experience. So uh why do we wait till funerals? Because I guess we give ourselves permission then that we need to say something. Like it also, when something is removed from your life, it's very easy to see what what effect it had on you because it's removed, it's no longer there. So I'm just saying, don't wait till the funeral, man. Give them a love letter ahead of time and tell them because why wait? They're now gone. Why tell them when they're gone?

16:40 Jennifer: Tell them when they're here. It's it's so important. It's such a beautiful thing to do.

16:44 Jackie: Kind of after this podcast, after I've been thinking, because we have two three other best friends. It's so funny, Jen, because I was thinking we were all having, you know, meeting up in September. I feel like the five of us need to do this when we're together because we haven't done it with the other three. I was like, how can I do this without making it like a homework assignment for the other three because they haven't done it yet?

17:04 Jennifer: Well, you just do it, I guess. Be like, all right, here we go, girls, let's do this. So okay, if friendship if friendship had an anniversary, how do you think we'd protect it differently?

17:17 Jackie: They might protect it with more intentional care, structural traditions, and formal accountability. Like, you know, actually have a day and stuff like that. Right. Same as if you have your wedding anniversary, right?

17:28 Jennifer: Be like, okay, it's coming up, it's next month, how are we gonna celebrate it? You know, the big ones you would celebrate bigger, like it's been 20 years or 30 years, or in our case, we're rolling up on 40 years.

17:38 Jackie: Like high school reunions. It's the same kind of thing like a high school reunion.

17:41 Jennifer: Yeah. Like you'd you'd do it differently because you'd definitely be like, it's coming up and it's been 40 years. Oh my god, we've been friends. Like I it'd be the same as an anniversary. You would just have it as your friendship anniversary. So you know, I think it would you would perfect it differently because you would be reminded that that's the time your guys have been friends and that's how long you've been friends for.

18:02 Jackie: So why do you think women have no rituals for saying, Thank you for walking through life with me?

18:09 Jennifer: We don't we haven't been taught, yeah, to do it. We haven't been. Society has not said you should tell people thank you for all the things they've done for you. We just sort of just like we said, Jackie, we assumed we knew, right? You walk through life with me, I walk through life. I assume you knew that. I assume you know what you mean to me. I assume you understand. And we have, you know, it's it it can be weird to think that you would say this to somebody that's your friend, but I can tell you that we gotta get the weird out of it and just do it.

18:37 Jennifer: Because once you do it, you'll understand what we're talking about. And we certainly invite you to do so because they're meaningful. So all right, Jackie, do the next one because you want me to do it.

18:45 Jackie: If society treated friendship like marriage, what do you think would change?

18:50 Jennifer: If we if we treated friendship like marriage, then we wouldn't have to negotiate these people in our lives when we get into a relationship with somebody else, right? They should never be negotiated. Your best friend should not be a negotiated part of a relationship. You shouldn't have to get rid of her. You shouldn't have to change. She's just part of the package and she comes with it. And assuming that your best friend is a healthy, good human and is not, you know, a terrible human. But again, you can be led to believe that somebody's a terrible person.

19:18 Jennifer: I'm sure that, you know, in your first relationship, your first husband, Jackie, did not advise you that I was your good friend, probably advised you opposite. But what I was really doing was being a good friend by trying to help you or trying to warn you. So it it can get sticky, I get it. Uh but she should be uh she should be just like a mom and dad. It's my best friend, my mom, my dad, my kids. They're all the out of the package and they're coming with me, right? Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay. Do you think women underestimate the influence they have on each other's lives?

19:47 Jackie: I think not as much anymore. I think it's changing. Good. Don't you?

19:52 Jennifer: I think so.

19:53 Jackie: I think we're trying to help change that.

19:55 Jennifer: We are. Well, we're on a quest to do so, and we certainly hope that that could be the one thing that we accomplished. But it's because we are on it all day long and we talk about it all the time. So you and I are pretty into it now. But I think I think women in general underestimate the influence they have with each other. I think I underestimated your influence on me and my influence on you. I just until we said it, I don't know if we ever knew it. So it it's something we should change and it's getting better, hopefully.

20:23 Jennifer: But you know, we have a long way to go, girls. Let's start telling each other. All right, last one, Jack.

20:28 Jackie: What's one thing every woman should tell her best friend before it's too late?

20:31 Jennifer: I love you, and I could not have survived life without you. And I thank you for that.

20:37 Jackie: Tell her how much she truly means to her, along with expressing deep gratitude. How specifically her presence changed her or made her in her life. Yeah.

20:46 Jennifer: Do it, people. Please do it. You'll change your relationship with your bestie. You want to get closer? Tell her how much you love her and tell her what she did for you. All right, owning a wedding chapel changed the way I looked at relationships. Every weekend I watch people celebrate one incredible love story. Bearish deserves every bit of celebration. But somewhere along the line, I realized another love story was quietly happening in the background. The friend who held the bouquet fixed the dress, stayed on the phone until the honeymoon, helped raise the kid, sat beside you in the hospital, picked you up after heartbreak, cheered louder than anyone else when you finally found yourself again.

21:19 Jennifer: She witnessed your life. Maybe a friendship doesn't need to become a marriage. Maybe it simply deserves the same gratitude. If today's conversation made you think of your person, call her, text her, take her to coffee, and tell her she matters. Some of the greatest love stories don't come with a marriage license.

21:32 Jackie: If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your write or die best friend.

21:39 Jennifer: Want to come see me some of our incredible friendships we've celebrated? Visit our Best Amone YouTube channel where women from all over the country share the stories on friendship that has changed their lives.

21:48 Jackie: And if one day you'd like to celebrate your own friendship, we'd love to welcome you to Nashville.

21:53 Jennifer: Until next time, keep showing up, keep cheering each other on, keep celebrating the women who make your life better. We'll see you next time on Slightly Unsupervised.

22:14 Song: We stick together at or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two.

22:24 Song: And every single time we add an iron heart to heart.