Flowers While You're Here | Celebrating the Women Who Changed Us | A Love Letter to My Best Friend

Introduction: A Personal Tribute to Jackie

0:00 Today's a little different. Jackie doesn't know I'm recording this. In fact, she won't hear it until it's released. This isn't really for an audience. It's for her. We spent so much of our lives waiting until someone is gone to tell the world what they meant to us. We stand at funerals, we write obituaries, we give eulogies. I don't want to wait that long. So today I'm giving my best friend her flowers while she's still here to hear them. Jackie, this one's for you. Jackie and I have been best friends for a long time.

0:29 We met junior high.

How Jennifer and Jackie Met and Grew Closer

0:32 I don't know if we were necessarily best friends in junior high. I think life kind of evolved. And one day I got a job over by her house, and I had to get on her bus, which went right by my work. In fact, she was the stop before mine. So she would get off, and then the next stop was where I went to work. So I think eventually as time went on, we just grew stronger and sat with each other on the bus. There were some people on the bus that were sort of interesting characters, is a good way to put that.

1:03 And so I know we would sit there and chat about it and laugh about it.

First Impressions: Jackie as a Spitfire

1:08 And it just really became a place where we began to really spend more time together and get to know each other on a more intimate level versus just a friendly level, which is probably where we were prior to that. And we'd always known each other, of course, and we had some of the same friends. So we were intertwined, but not on a personal level. So the first impression I ever had of Jackie is that she was a Spitfire. That's a good word for her, fireball. She just did what she wanted, said what she wanted, lived her life in such a way that you really had no control over her.

1:48 And when you're at that age and you're looking at somebody and you're trying to find your way in this world and your place in this world, and you come across somebody who is so ingrained in who she was and how she was going to live her life and how much BS she was not going to put up with.

Jackie's Outspokenness and Its Impact on Jennifer

2:08 It has to leave a very strong impression in your mind because that is somebody that you begin to go, well, my gosh, I can't believe she's saying that, or I can't believe she's doing that, to a point where you then see it so much, you go, Yeah, we're not putting up with that crap. She gave you a sense of power that you could feel and you could live with and you could you could progress with because it began this thing of being strong. And that's what she was. She was just a outspoken sort of fireball.

2:42 And it gave you permission as a woman, as a girl, to say to your own self, well, why am I putting up with any of that? She doesn't put up with any of that. And such a beautiful thing to have in your life when you're young, especially with someone who just with no no apologies, who is who she was. So I just thank you, Jackie, for that, especially when I was younger. So I would need that strength a lot later in life.

The Strength and Power Jackie Gave Jennifer

3:07 And certainly I have grown into that, but it started really with you and the fact that you just didn't care. What a what a great thing for you to be, a non-apologetic human and a girl that was willing to get herself involved in all sorts of things and was a natural-born leader, and everybody would follow suit. I was one of them. Jengy's like, we're doing this. I wouldn't debt it. Um, because she just she just seemed like she didn't have any qualms about it, and there was no gonna be no problem with it.

3:37 And so I went along with her on so many things that I probably would have never done had it not been for her. And I don't think people become best friends because they have everything in common, you know. I think we became best friends because for her and I, we became each other's safe space. And uh, you would have to have lived in our lives, and you would have to have seen our lives in those days. She had she had a nuclear family, her parents were married and her brothers are there and stuff, but she had a lot of weight on her shoulders, and she carried a lot of that in silence.

4:10 And I think for her, it was a little bit of I don't want everybody to see this. This is what's going on is a lot of things that other people don't have to deal with. And so I want to perceive myself, I want to be in a normal position where I'm the same as everybody else, which is so important when we're younger.

Shared Childhood Memories and Support

4:29 And I certainly understood that because my mother was divorced and she was having a lot of mental health issues, and there was a lot of burden on me to um take care of myself and also to worry about her. So when we found each other, we didn't come from these lives where everything was beautiful and wonderful. In fact, we recognized that quite clearly quite early in this relationship, that we didn't have the perfect life. And in some ways, maybe that was our greatest blessing because here was somebody that had a life that wasn't as perfect as everybody else's perceived.

5:07 And certainly as we've gone gotten older, we realized that the perception is different than the reality. I'm not saying that, but in our world, everybody else had a different lifestyle, and her and I were sort of in this struggling position. And so when we found each other, we weren't struggling alone anymore. And we really latched onto one another. For her, um, I'm sure I was somebody else that could relate to her situation. And for me, it was somebody that was pulling me out of always feeling would be down or trapped or by myself.

5:40 That here was this person that I would spend a lot of time with and that would make me feel less lonely. Here's two people that found each other and really needed each other at that moment and really leaned in heavily to one another. I mean, the girl shows up for you. She protection. Oh my god, this girl is so protective.

Overcoming Life's Challenges Together

6:02 And it's not just me. If you're in Jackie's bubble, you know what I'm talking about. She will go to great ends to be protect you. And it's one of her greatest gifts. And this girl is fierce and she holds back nothing, and she will go after somebody who's hurting somebody she loves. And man, what a great mom, roll meldo, that is. And I know her sons don't listen to our podcast, but maybe they'll listen to this one. What a great woman to have as your mother. She just is that fierce. And I'm sure that she had her days when she was down, but she didn't stay down enough to let people mess with you.

6:42 And she didn't, she protected everybody around her. She does it now. She celebrates your wins. They don't ever feel competition from Jackie. It's not a you did this, I did this, I'm jealous, you're jealous. It's we just don't have that.

Jackie's Fierce Protectiveness and Loyalty

6:55 And maybe that's because we came from very little or had very little. You know, we just did a podcast about she got a car when we were kids. She had taken care of her grandmother, and I think there was some money, and her dad bought her a truck. And it was the celebration of that car was so impactful for both of us because when you're best friends with somebody and you're that close to somebody, what she got, I got. So we got a car, although it was her car. It never felt that way. It always felt like it was our car.

7:25 Or, you know, if we got a new outfit, it was our outfit. Although she was very tiny and I was not quite that tiny, but we could at least share clothes to some degree. And whatever I got, she got. Whatever she got, I got. So we we definitely shared in that. And that's such a beautiful thing to have with somebody that, especially at that age, is like we're in this together and we have the same things. If you get it, I get it. If you had$2 and we could buy a soda pop and I didn't have any money, then you would buy me a soda pop, or vice versa.

7:53 And never even, you know, I don't believe there was discussions about you pay for this, I pay for that. That just isn't something we did. She always reminded me who I was. And I went through a lot of stuff in my senior year of high school and got pregnant. And she was so fierce and so protective, and so in this boyfriend that was my boyfriend's face about this, because basically he was, you know, turning his back like he had nothing to do with it. And boy, did she go after him? And all my friends did.

8:24 I have beautiful friends, all of them did it. They showed up, they supported me, they loved me, they didn't let anybody, you know, tarnish my name the way that you would get tarnished, especially girls, because we would be tarnished for that.

Celebrating Wins and Supporting Each Other

8:36 We would be called sluts and horrors, and everybody would be like, oh, you know, and I was none of those things. I was so none of those things. And they did not let anybody say those things about me because they knew me and because they trust, they they believed in me and they believed in the person that I was. And I ran around with popular kids. So, you know, my poor boyfriend that at the time was probably felt very in hot water quite a bit. And he, I'm sure, thought that this thing would go down the way he thought, which is that he would blame me and it would all be my fault.

9:10 And boy, did they make sure that didn't happen. And uh Jackie was fierce in that. Um, and so forever in my life I will be thankful. So this this the stories that share with you that I think are important to remind myself of who she was um and to share with you. It when I got pregnant, Jackie was still in school, and some of the things that I always remember about her is when she would call all the time just to check on me. And and that's a big deal, y'all, because we had to pay for the phone bills back then and it wasn't free, and I was not near her.

9:43 I was in a completely different part of the state. And so she just always kept in touch and she always came to me. It's almost like she got in trouble on purpose sometimes because she would get suspended for fighting or doing something. Again, she was fierce, but it was like a celebration. I'm expelled today, so I'm gonna come stay with you.

High School Years and Teenage Support

10:03 And she would immediately get in her car and drive to where I was and spend, spend her time off. That's what she called it, but she was expelled from school with me and was, you know, never felt, I never felt like she was embarrassed the fact that I was pregnant. She was always just supportive. And, you know, I'd waddle around with my big old stomach and we'd go to the beach and we'd hang out at the pool or whatever, and you know, just never felt like judged, never felt like I was a disappointment.

10:31 So that is some of my beautiful memories of her. And then after I had my son and it was time for everybody to go off to college and do all the things that we do after we graduate from high school, here she is again. It's like, okay, well, we had decided long ago before I got pregnant that we were gonna be roommates. I don't think either one of us ever thought about going to college. I think that we uh decided that we were not in that group. You know, we were not told to do that, we were not expected to do that, we were just expected to really go to work.

10:58 So we had made a plan, we were gonna be roommates. And it's so funny because I have a letter from her. I don't know why I have one letter from her that she wrote me when we were in high school. Um, and I tease her about it because it's literally front and back page note on a piece of paper. And there is no periods, there's no commas, it's just one huge sentence that goes on and on. And when I read it, probably as a child, I got nothing of it. And as I read it as an adult, laughing at myself, thinking, good lord, we never even used the periods.

11:27 Like I'm sure that the letters that I wrote were the same way, and just how funny that is. But we decided we were gonna be roommates, we had made a plan, and sure enough, my plan changed to some extent. Now I had a baby, and sure enough, this story it didn't change for her. You know, she's like, Well, we'll get our apartment and we'll move in. And we did that, and with our other friend, um Andy, and we had an apartment, and boy, we had some fun there, and just getting to live a life a little bit of being a child still, but also a responsible adult and always being supportive of that, and always, you know, helping me if I needed help with my son or you know, watching in so I could go to the grocery store, whatever those things are.

College Dreams and Staying Connected

12:08 Both my friends in that instance were always so supportive, it's so loving. We had a very big party at the very end when we moved out, and that thing just got out of hand and crazy, and Jackie ended up in a fight. You know, just it was just an insane party, and it was funny, and we still talk about it, and it's such a beautiful memory to have, and just being supportive and loving, and then me getting married. You know, certainly after that, I got married, and Jackie was my maid of honor, and she definitely threw a bachelorette party and got that guy to come that took off his clothes and just the horrifying experience that that happened, but wanted to make sure that I had everything the way that I should have it, and the way that my life could have gone.

12:51 I didn't get cut off from that. And it's such an important thing to remind myself about, in particular when I'm speaking about her, is that she never let me feel less. She just assumed, no, she put her will into making sure that my life remained how I said I wanted it to remain as long as she could. And that's because that's who she is, right? She is that that strong, determined human that will do anything for the people that she loves. And she made sure that my life stayed what I had always hoped it would be.

13:25 And she always just kind of encouraged me in that with work, with dating, with whatever. And and when I finally did move away and I I left the state and went out, you know, we we spent a lot of years not speaking to each other. There was a lot of things that happened in that time, and she went on to marry somebody that I didn't particularly find the best for her, didn't feel like does I don't think he what I felt mostly is that I don't feel like he loved her the way she should have been loved, appreciated the way she should have been appreciated.

13:55 Here's this extraordinary woman. Here's this amazing girl, and we're treating her like she's just something normal and just made me mad. I'm like, she's extraordinary and she should be loved extraordinarily. And that's the best friend in me, projecting onto her what I want her to have, that she made her choices and that's okay.

Life Changes and Reconnecting After Years Apart

14:14 And we talk about it for a lot of years. She lived her life and I lived my life. I don't know if we ever didn't like each other, we just didn't know each other, and we lost that friendship, that the position in each other's lives, and and maybe would have naturally lost it anyways, because life had taken us in different directions. Um so the returning of her in my life. Um gosh, it's probably been 15. No, it's probably been, yeah, I don't know, about 15 years now where we're back. And, you know, we took a moment to kind of get into each other's world, and and just like it had been before, I invited her to something and she came, and she invited me to something, and I came, and we began to build that trust up.

14:56 We also got back in each other's face and we decided, you know, really we like being around each other. We are we are yoked well, we are compatibly the same and we understand each other in such a deep way. When we're together, it's almost like a place of comfort, a place of peace, a place of being understood for who we really are and where we came from and what we've seen and what we've done. And that is such a blessing to have in my life because to feel that comfortable with somebody and to really be in a place that makes you feel like nothing else, nothing can hurt you and nothing can harm you right now because we're together.

15:40 And we continue to have that relationship. We've built on it more. We I bought a business and moved away to Nashville again. I moved away and she doesn't let go. She kept calling. I'm like, can you help me? And she jumped in and she helped me. And, you know, we created this idea about this best friend relationship because I sat there and listened to weddings day after day and hour after hour. And, you know, at first you realize this, these, these vows that people say to each other in the married world are so prevalent, and they say to each other, and you start listening to it differently.

16:18 You start listening to it, and I was like, wait a minute, this thing relates to a relationship that I've had my entire life with my best friends. And I don't what are we doing to even recognize these girls? You know, I promise to love you, I promise to honor you, I promise to support you, I promise to stand by you for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. I just choose you. And that is such a beautiful thing that friendship does. And it is the foundation of it. And it starts way before we ever get married, and it is this commitment that we have to each other as friends.

16:52 And why are we not celebrating those people? Why are we not giving them a space? Why is there not a best friend celebration? Why don't we have an anniversary with our best friend? Why don't we have how many years and celebrate that? I I think we in general kind of remember when we started being friends, but there's no date, there's no way of keeping track of that. And certainly we don't, you know, take time every year and really, you know, give each other a moment of celebration. And this is a these are the friendships in our lives that hold us together, man.

17:23 I mean, Jackie has held me together in so many ways and has given me so much strength in times when I didn't have it and just lent me her strength and never once asked for anything in return. Not once, not once, y'all. And and I and this thing should be celebrated. These people should be talked about because that's who held me together. That's what got me through it. And I know I cry a lot because it's very emotional for me. Because if you've been in what I've been in and you've seen what these girls have done, and Jackie is in the forefront of all of it, then you would realize how important these friendships are.

17:59 In in closing, Jackie, thank you. Thank you for choosing this friendship over and over again. Thank you for showing me what loyalty sounds like, what grace looks like, and what unconditional friendship feels like. I hope every woman listening has someone like you.

The Deep Understanding and Comfort of True Friendship

18:15 And if they do, I hope they don't wait. Don't wait until the funeral, don't wait until the goodbye. Tell the person while they're still here to hear it. Because some of the greatest love stories don't come with a marriage license. Sometimes they come with a best friend. Jackie, I love you. This testimony is yours.