When Your Kids Leave & You Find Your Bestie Again | Midlife Reset

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Khaki. And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come at the bear's license.

0:10 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh till you snort stuff.

0:15 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, holding laundry, hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

0:19 Jackie: Let's get slightly unsupervised. All right, today's episode is gonna be about when your kids grow up and you find yourself again. Because you were someone before you were a mom. And she's still in there. Today's episode is for every woman who looked around after the kids left and thought, now what? Whether your kids are just getting more independent or fully out of the house, we're talking about what it looks like to rediscover you.

0:41 Jennifer: Absolutely. So who were you before a mom? Well, I was a teenager. So I was in high school before I got I was still in high school when I became a mother. So I was a very much a teenager, um, living her teenage life before I became a mother. Like you were a little older than I was, so right.

0:57 Jackie: The working. Yeah. So I was more career oriented and I could get up and go in a whim. I didn't have animals either. Animals or kids. Yep. So just worked a lot and was I guess just being selfish, satisfied myself. That's right. And that's I should. That was what I was supposed to be doing.

1:15 Jennifer: Yeah, you think about it because we grow up, right, till we're 18, we're still under our parents' rule. And it depends how long you stay with your parents, of course. We bolted out of that situation quite fast.

1:23 Jackie: As soon as we could.

1:24 Jennifer: As soon as we could. We got into our apartment when we were 18 with another girlfriend of ours, one of my best friends. Anyways, there's a right, maybe only seven. You got married at 25, correct? 23. You got married at 23?

1:34 Jackie: Yeah. I keep I get confused. This is a everybody knows me. My one girlfriend has to tell me when my anniversary is, okay? So yeah, right around there, 24, 25.

1:44 Jennifer: So you were into 25. I mean, it had more years than me. I didn't I never had a period of no kids. Right. Because I went from my parent, my mother's house to my child, having my own child. So I didn't really have like a break. So you had a few years in there where it was just you thinking about you, which is great because when you skip that part of it, I think for all mothers that have been teenage mothers and had to do it the way I did it, there's a definitely a lure later to be like a little more rebellious with it because we didn't get those periods of time to kind of brow that.

2:12 Jennifer: So I suppose when you had those years, you were just having lots of fun. You just worry about yourself.

2:16 Jackie: You can't even imagine a life like that. Like it was nice. I mean, I can't you can't do it now after we're I mean, we were working, I was working, I was trying to save money, I was buying a house, yeah, yeah, yeah. All that type of stuff too. So I had responsibilities, I guess you could say, but they weren't, you know, not like raising a child.

2:32 Jennifer: Raising a child.

2:33 Jackie: Right, totally different.

2:34 Jennifer: Yeah, so all those moments on there that have teenagers young, our kids young and they were young teenagers or whatever, and you just didn't have that period of time. It's okay to mourn a little bit of that because I like I feel like I didn't get those years. So it didn't exactly hurt me in some ways because it ignited more of a passion to to succeed than probably most. But I still think that you know, just having a moment in my life between my parents and my children would have been nice just to have those years to just really explore just being self-centered.

3:04 Jackie: And I was, definitely. And I want to say I traveled, I did travel, but I was I when I got married and started having kids, I was uh lucky enough that I was still being able to travel when I had my children. When you had your children, yeah. We would bring them with us, or we bring a babysitter with us. So I was lucky that way, so I can't so I was like, oh, did I oh no, I still gotta do that. So I was lucky.

3:26 Jennifer: Yeah, I traveled at my butt we didn't travel very far. We couldn't go very far because we didn't have any money, but yeah, like family stuff or whatever we would yeah, but yeah. It's different when you're toting with a kid all the time rather than just having some time where you just you know pick it out of the car and it's just you. I remember when the kids got done with uh car seats and stuff and pitch trollers, like that's kind of a freedom too, because you don't have to pack it all and get it all in the car and unpack it all and get it all the same thing.

3:53 Jennifer: Anyway, sensing your identity shift during motherhood years, of course, you my identity went from a teenager to a mother, which is a hard shift. That's quick. It's quick and it's it's not as easy as everybody thinks it is because you just don't have you don't have the c you don't have the capacity yet to really to shift that fast. I mean, some people do. I'm not saying it's all the same.

4:13 Jackie: Well, it was yours was harder too because you didn't um you were a single mom. Yeah, you didn't have you know, you didn't have any help. You had family, you had your friends, but you didn't have um, you know, like a husband.

4:26 Jennifer: Right, right. And so everything was on my shoulders. Yeah, that's a little bit of a rough business. It did. It shifted from you're not a kid. Here's the thing, like I keep telling my son too, I'm like, once you have a kid, no one cares about you. It cares about the kid. Like the family's like, oh, where's the grandbaby? Where's the not so much about you anymore. So not only do you lose your And it's so true.

4:47 Jackie: So I know somebody who who I remember after this second baby was born that actually would like that's all anybody cares about anymore. Right. Yes, that is what it's about. That's what it's about.

4:58 Jennifer: So you need to stop being salvage and realize it's about your kid. Right about the kids, yeah. I think that's true because there's a lot of people that don't realize that. So imagine being a kid and then you not even get a full childhood, and then you stop that childhood, and then it's only about the other child. So then you don't matter, then the child grandchild only matters. So yeah, it's not like it. I think that's way for a lot of people that the grandbabies sort of take over the sh your identity at that point, and you're just their caretaker and make sure you take care of them and what are you doing and are they okay?

5:27 Jennifer: And you know what I mean? They get a little more like and I was ready for it. Yeah, because I was older, and so I was ready, I knew what I was taking on, and I was but you were also very you you had brothers when you were younger, and you had cousins, and you know, we talked about that in the babies at outside. My first job was babysitting in the bowling out.

5:46 Jackie: Yeah, yeah.

5:47 Jennifer: Yeah, so you were like primed for it. Like you motherhood was definitely something that was always gonna be in your yeah, it was something for you.

5:55 Jackie: Like it wasn't much of a shift for me. And I had nieces that I would help with right before I had my kids. Like my my son was born five years on the same day as my oldest niece, and then she had a younger sister, right? It was two years, and then then came Travis. So you were already doing all that.

6:13 Jennifer: Yeah, I was still just a teenager, then had a child, so then I was a little abrupt. And not that I didn't babyset because everybody babysat in the 80s, but it wasn't like my favorite thing to do on the planet. It just wasn't. So, anyway, so it's beautiful, exhausting blur of raising kids and how easy it is to lose your personal dreams, hobbies, and independence, which 100% like we said, you definitely do start sidestepping anything that any dreams you had, because now your job is just to take care of children.

6:40 Jennifer: So a little unfair for the girls to the boys because I think the boys continue on with their pathways and the girls, you know, that's your job now. You do that. So um, I'm a woman's liberer, so I will say it that you know, men men don't get quite as sidetracked by having children as women or the nurturers, obviously. So it's important that we are involved in that. But should be a little more balanced there with that.

7:02 Jackie: My first child, I feel like I still had independence because I still worked. Oh. I worked until I got pregnant with my second son. Oh, okay. And then that's when all of a sudden I became a stay-home mom. I gotcha. And then all of a sudden it was like, okay, this is all I do. All day long. All day long. Yeah. Like just the kid. I was so nice to be able to get up, go to work, and then still be, you know, have an independence. Yeah. Independence. But yeah, so I started being a stay-home mom, uh, my second child.

7:28 Jennifer: Not a single mom. You started being a stable stable mom.

7:31 Jackie: Because he was never a record. Right, right.

7:34 Jennifer: But see, that's when you lose your identity, right? Because it's like, get up, do the everything for the children, put them in the car, take them over to the ground, da da da. Like inside of there, there's no like spa moments, there's no like laying out, hanging out in the pool. Like you don't you lose your identity, and like you just become the person every day to pick up the children and move the children around, and um, nobody really cares about you. That's what I said.

7:57 Jackie: Because they have school day of their then all of a sudden you get to one till you start sports. Yeah, be there for that. Yeah, you take them and shoot. And I was well, my second husband used to get um not mad, but he just my my kids because I was stay-home mom.

8:13 Jennifer: Yeah, I woke up every morning, woke them up, made them breakfast, made their life. You're talking about that new husband was all of a sudden like you you coddle those children, not coddle, but you care for those children in such a way.

8:25 Jackie: And he's like my life, that was it.

8:27 Jennifer: That was it. You're like, this has been my job. I'm continuing this job.

8:31 Jackie: This is what I'm supposed to do. Right. Well, I'm not gonna make them do it. And I on my side also that I would tell him, I go, but you don't understand because this is my time with them, too. Right. Because they would go at separate times. So the youngest, the oldest one would go earlier, I'd have the time with him, I'd drive him to school, then I'd come home, wake up the other one, and then bake him breakfast, do that, and have my time with him.

8:52 Jennifer: Right, right. So yeah, you got to be that mother that we always talk about in all these things about that we didn't get the mothers that are home and bake the cookies and yeah, which is great.

9:02 Jackie: I mean, that's good for me. Yeah. So the now, the moment you realize they're grown, that's where we're already at. That's what I was saying. See, it goes so fast, hasn't it? It's true. It's like boom, done. The first moments of freedom, they drive, move up, out, and get married.

9:17 Jennifer: Yeah, so that's true. If you haven't driving's first movie, well, yes, driving sometimes though, anymore of the generation these days don't like to drive, they don't like to get their license. I know my kids got their license pretty much at their time, but I know a lot of parents their kids are 18 plus before they get a license.

9:34 Jackie: So my oldest son, yeah, uh, he waited until almost uh the time that his younger brother was getting a license. Really? And we're like, why don't you get your license? And he's like, Why? Because you got you, mom. Yeah, and I don't have to pay for the gas or anything. Right. That's what it is. That's what he was doing. He was saving his money, but he's like, Why do I need to and they had to pay for half their cars? Yeah. So he's like, the more money I save, the nicer car I get. But still, you're the chauffeur.

9:59 Jackie: But his brother at 16 was like, I'm getting my license right. He was like, We work. I'm down there, I'm getting my license.

10:05 Jennifer: He's like, sign me up, that's what I'm gonna do for my birthday. That's true. There is the at least on my children's world, there was a job. I think there was a job that we had to take them to for a while so that they could earn some money because they did my kids too had to buy their cars, pay their insurance, and pay for their gas. We were pretty strict on that. Um, so they had time to save up for money for a car, but then they had to pay their gas insurance that they needed a job. So there was like a job before the car.

10:27 Jennifer: So we had to drive them to the job and pick them up, stuff that's always a pain. So then you're welcome, I mean the car coming because you're like, all of a sudden, you don't have to do that. And then, but those times are weird because once they get a job, it's like your personal little pack of people that's always around you that you have focused on are not there. At first, it's like nice. You're like, ah, a little time, watch TV, do what I want to do. But that only lasts what month? And then all of a sudden you're like, when are you getting home?

10:52 Jackie: When are you getting home? Because I'm bored. I want somebody to go eat with. The one thing that I did also, because that wasn't what I grew up with, which was nice, is I made our home like a hub for their friends. Oh, okay. So the kids would be at our house. Right. All their friends would be at our house all the time, staying the night, or like when they got where they were driving before they went out, like if there was a something going on a dance or they're going over to something, they would come to our house first.

11:17 Jackie: And all the kids would hang out. And I always had enough food for all because they're all boys, and I'd have the food, you know, all their little food before they went to do what they wanted to do.

11:25 Jennifer: Well, that was nice.

11:27 Jackie: So I did have that, and I'm glad I did that because I he would have been gone a lot more. Right.

11:32 Jennifer: Yeah. My wife's son's two best friends moved in next door to us at some point, and then they were it was just like between the two houses. I think they, you know, they would just be over in between in the all the houses all the time. It was kind of uh weird. But other than that, we kind of lived farther away from where he went to school. We kind of drove him in. So But anyways, there's always this sort of this freedom freedom of this fact that they're starting their own lives, and then there's maybe a little sadness there too, because now it's not quite as you're not quite as needed.

12:00 Jennifer: You spent your entire shift from I'm everything to well, now I've got to take care of this. Then sort of living in that, like this is my job. I take care and feeling comfortable to this, uh, see ya, don't need you anymore. Like, what? Like, you know, that's a jarring. I don't know when my son went to school, my first son went to college, I dropped him off. And it was a quite this is probably like three-hour drive from the time I dropped him off home, probably the whole way home, because it was like, Well, who am I now?

12:26 Jennifer: Did you have any of that? I don't think so. I don't feel like I did, but I might have. I don't but thinking back, um It was like a symbolic amount of it was a symbolic thing. Like I got like made sure that he got to college, which I did, and got him enrolled, dropped him off, stayed a few days because you know, you stay while make sure they're okay, and then the drive home I think was very my oldest didn't go to college.

12:51 Jackie: So you didn't have to drop him off. So he was still around. And then he moved out. I remember when he moved out, the first thing he asked, Mom, would you come help me organize and set up my place? Right.

13:00 Jennifer: Which you continue could do it for everyone.

13:03 Jackie: Every time one of my kids moved, at least the boys, they're like, We're like that. My son that just got married. I'm kind of had to back off, and that's been kind of how like hard for me. It's like I want to go down there, it's like I want to do things like stop hands together.

13:15 Jennifer: This is not your place anymore. What did you say your your oldest son's girlfriend didn't each move in somewhere and then you go over there and help organize that? Like everybody looks to you to my son uh so I was trying not to step on her toes either.

13:27 Jackie: Right. We want to put up the curtain and do this, so he's like, We and your my husband Rick come over and help us, and we're like, So Rick gets all his tools, he's all excited. So yeah, we went over, but I had to watch myself too because it's because I'm like, oh, you should do this and this, and then I can kind of see in her face. I'm like, okay, this is not my place.

13:42 Jennifer: I know, right? It's not me to take over. I won't I still want to take care of you guys. I know. I always do this. I have that, I don't have that so much about like putting their stuff away, but I have my children are 37 and 34, I think, this year. My one son got married last year. So uh my youngest got married last year, so he was probably 33 when he got married or whatever. But up until they're 33 before they got married, like I've because I'm I'm very financially savvy and I, you know, made sure my kids bought houses, like all the things that my children need to do to be financially stable has been accomplished, right?

14:16 Jennifer: That's something that I've always like taken care of, made sure it's not that I gave them money. I don't want to take any take the credit for any of that. I want them, you know, I wanted them to be independent, so I taught them how to be independent and save and do the things they did, which I'm very proud of them for. But when you have been in charge of that, and then they get married and you're like, I'm not in charge of making sure all I think that's been my hardest point.

14:38 Jackie: It's not like dropping off at college, but I think it's more of this other where oh I have to back off has been more like upsetting to me then. I think because I still see them all the time, even when Trevor went up to college. Uh uh, you know, I I still saw them all the time. Because they'd always come home, all their friends were there. Right. Because of where we live. Right. It's funny because now we've moved somewhere else, yeah. And so it's not like it used to be like when we were in the mountains, they all the kids always came back.

15:03 Jackie: Like they came back to see their friends, and so you knew they were gonna be there all the time. Right. Where now it's like, okay, where are we gonna meet? Right. Or they don't come to stakes, it's not as exciting as back home.

15:12 Jennifer: Right, right. It's not the hub anymore. You don't live in the hub, but yeah, I think it is. And for all those, you know, daughter-in-laws that have these sons that these mothers raise, you gotta remember that there's this like heart and soul that we've put into them, and it's hard for us to let go because we have, you know, we got them to where they're at. We got them that's why you love them. Yeah, that's why you love them. We brought them up to be the perfect man for you. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've had conversations.

15:39 Jennifer: I'm like, if Dice number gets out of line, you just let me know, I'll pop him right back into line. So yeah, so but we can be overbearing, I guess. And maybe it feels a little threatening, but it's not a threat. Like if you partner up with us, you probably have a lot better experience because we can together wrangle this thing in if we need to. So, anyways, so the silence that follows it brings up the pride, the grief, the confusion, the possibility. Um there's silence there. There's a dead silence after.

16:05 Jennifer: I mean, when your final one moved out, I'm sure that you were lost a little bit because you had been the mother of, you know, that was your that really was the goal. I always work, so I wouldn't say to push him out. That's our we're supposed to do.

16:19 Jackie: But then we talked about that. But then when you do it, you're like, oh, at the same time, then I want you to come back.

16:24 Jennifer: Yeah, because your identity is wrapped up in their identity. And then you have to let them yeah, you have to let them get their own identity and then step out of it. So it's it sounds easier than it is. You know, we are we are telling you that it is not as easy as it sounds, and it's a little bit of a drop off a cliff once it happens.

16:43 Jackie: How it can feel like a second adolescence, but with more wisdom and joint pain.

16:48 Jennifer: Second adolescence, I think it was still my adolescence first. I just went back to like I don't think I got a second adolescence. I just tried to finish the first one that I'd had. So uh it's true though. I mean, that's really when you turn back to your friends and uh you know, you're always like, hey, what are you guys doing? Of course, I always had my kids first, so you guys were still raising kids. I'm like, when are you gonna get done with that job?

17:08 Jackie: Like and then we have like uh Michelle and that they just just finished finished, yeah. That was you know, in the mountains with with our other friend Jen when I was there. Yeah, she still had little ones. She had still ones. So I was like, I'm getting done. And yeah, I'm like, hey, come on. We always would mean Jen have time, fun times all does it with her kids too. She was having kind of her second act since before they left. So Michelle, too, actually.

17:33 Jennifer: I think through a less. Yeah. But yeah, when you're the first one that's done, and then you're looking around, being like, and you just had a kid last like two years ago. This is gonna take forever. Hurry and uh, why would you have it so late? Like, we should have had them at the same time, so we're done at the same time. Anyways, um, the search for self. It's not easy to figure out what you like anymore because you have really shifted all your all of your life over to the concentration of them.

17:58 Jennifer: And like, you know, like I'm sure that there's things that we adjusted in our life because they liked that side of it better. And then we don't really have a we don't remember exactly what we liked or we didn't like because we had well my kids having travel, like my son raced.

18:13 Jackie: So when it was racing season, motorcycle racing, we were at the camping almost every weekend or every other weekend with but with all these new families that we met, but that's what we would be doing every weekend. Right. Or my husband and I, you know what we love to do. Right. And that's not I mean, we loved the racing. Oh, don't get me wrong, and we met so many great people, and it was such a great experience for my son, and he did very well, blah, blah, blah. But he uh at that time, you know, we we want to sit at the lake.

18:38 Jackie: Yeah, I know. You two want to lay out. We want to be in the sun, but we were able to start doing that again.

18:44 Jennifer: Yeah, yeah, I I guess you go back to it, right? You probably didn't do a lot of lake living just laying in the sun when your kids were little because you just can't do that.

18:51 Jackie: Yeah. Our daughter that's her cheerleading, so our Friday nights we had to go because she went to school down the hill, so we'd have to go down the hill on Friday nights. So that lost our Friday nights. Right. And then you're getting older, so you're exhausted because you're doing that. Then you're kids for the sports the next day.

19:05 Jennifer: Well, there's kind of nice thing, especially in your world, because you had a second you had a husband that was fairly new by the time you kind of were done with the raising of your children. So you get to like go back to just the two of you, you know, have a relationship with just the two of you, which is kind of like we started both with four kids.

19:20 Jackie: Two, yeah, two. Right. And then uh we had to bold into that. Right. We had the daughter that was going into high school, the two oldest the oldest was going into college. So uh we didn't have to deal with that as much. Right. I mean, one was already getting out to college, yeah. And then two of them were in junior high school, and one was in elementary, or two were in elementary, and her he uh the old youngest daughter was in um junior high.

19:43 Jennifer: Junior high.

19:44 Jackie: Yeah, she was going into junior high.

19:45 Jennifer: Yeah, so you had so they're so you're just getting into raising children. Yeah.

19:49 Jackie: So we came together, we're yeah, and it's funny because we have our friends that started having kids later than us, and now they're at that age, and we're watching them and we're saying, okay, because they're thinking they could still do run off and do all these things every week, and we're like, okay, here come the sports. Now they're like, Oh, we can't go. Yeah. Now you know how we felt.

20:07 Jennifer: Right. We weren't just trying to ditch you, we had to be responsible for that stuff. Yeah. So I mean, I think that's true, but you're yours is a little, you guys got some time alone. And I guess that's happened for me and my husband too. We had some time with just the two of us, which was an adjustment. Because now we don't, you know, we never were together before we had children alone. Right. We only got together when we had children, and then it was like a chaos, a zoo. I mean, it it literally is like a zoo, right?

20:31 Jennifer: Everybody's running around, you're trying to get all this stuff done. And then they all go to college, and it's just the two of you. I mean, now you have to figure out a life, a whole new life with this person, which is just two of us. But you've never been just the two of you. Just the two of you. Yeah, you didn't ever had that. So that's an interesting thing. Anyway, so you start exploring again, you start, you know, doing the stuff that maybe you hadn't done. I know Rob and I travel a lot now.

20:52 Jennifer: For a lot of, you know, we'd we'd love to travel. Like that's something that we discovered, I think, that we'd like to do. Just the two of us like to do it. I'll call the kids have come quite a bit. I mean, we're definitely travelers now, so that's kind of fun. And then, you know, we go to Costco.

21:06 Jackie: That's yeah, that's us too. We go to Sam's. Hey, Friday night. I have to go to Sam's to get a hot dog for $1.50. You can pick out whatever you want.

21:17 Jennifer: So say it to my kids, I say it to my husband now. Who doesn't go to Costco as a trip out on the day? Look, get something to eat, go to Costco.

21:23 Jackie: Mama is when I take my husband though, he spends way more money. I'm actually the person that can go and I get don't get pulled out uh out. Um buying all that new, like you go down the aisles like look at beach chair. Yeah. Have four. I know. Well, we need two more. That's my husband. Yeah. I'm not that. I like literally have a list. I go in, I get whatever. I might get an extra like food item. Yeah. But he's the one that buys the stuff, the the bigger stuff. But it's like, well, God dang it, hon.

21:48 Jackie: And it's like I can get in and out of here under a hundred bucks and not you.

21:51 Jennifer: Now I bring you. Oh no. We we don't get in and out of Costco without a three hundred dollar without a three hundred dollar bill. We just don't. But we spent a lot of time in the Somebody said that. He's like, you know, you're getting old when you buy your clothes at Costco. And I'm like looking down at my outfit, I'm like, oh my God. This is true. I bought everything at Costco. Every single piece of clothing I had, I was like, oh my God, I got it all at Costco. But anyway, so that's what they're saying, like the true test of it.

22:16 Jennifer: But yeah, I mean, that's you know, doing something, finding yourself again. Even just like going and like, I don't know if you did this, but we had it. We had boys. We would go to Costco. It was at a you could go buy the food. You go to Costco, you buy food for the family, blah blah blah. When you're done with raising children, you go to Costco, you can no longer buy food there. Yes, that's how we feel. We're like, oh, that's gonna last. It's only two of us.

22:39 Jackie: Yeah. I don't mind the like the frozen stuff. Yeah, of course. That you know, we can do it that way, but yeah, that like you some of that stuff that pulls you in into deli that you can just heat up and it, but it's like, I'm gonna have pasta for a week. I know I can't eat that pasta. I know.

22:54 Jennifer: It's so much easier than me going home and having to boil and do it all myself. Well, you know me, I don't cook. I just go down the line at Costco and pick up the meals for the week. I'm like, this is two meals, this is one. And my husband's like, What do you want to eat? I'm like, I've got the whole week here, let's go. And he's like, All that pre-made stuff. I'm like, that's how I cook. So, but yes, you you can't go to Costco anymore. It's a weird phenomenon. Like, you can buy stuff that lasts, but you can't buy you can't eat there anymore like that.

23:19 Jennifer: No, yeah, or yeah, frozen or like like the fresh fruit.

23:23 Jackie: Yeah, so I can buy blueberries because I give my dog blueberries too.

23:26 Jennifer: So it's a weird thing. You can't go to Costco anymore and buy that kind of stuff. So anyway, so the rent the role of friendships and you know, like we've been talking about, and we are your best friends certainly come back to you in full circle after that. Like we're here in Vegas together, having a girl's podcasting week. And we could have done that one, but when we Monday through Thursday. Yeah, bye guys, see you next week. I'll be like, Well, what am I gonna do with the kids? Wait, just gonna quick cook you could never do it.

23:58 Jennifer: So we've just been here having a great time, just the two of us going out to eat. It's been relaxing, meeting up with old school. Yeah, we've been podcasting with them. We sit in our hotel room and podcast and we'll go gamble for a while and we come back and podcast. We might podcast this afternoon after a few drinks. I've got to do a drunk podcast.

24:16 Jackie: Okay, listening listener stories and messages. Share real stories or messages from women in your circle or audience who are going through this season. Who do you think's going through this season? Uh, I would say Michelle and Jen.

24:28 Jennifer: I think Jen. Yeah, Jen's still on the tail end of that one.

24:31 Jackie: Uh Lindsay's been a year or so. Yeah, but there's she's still close by, so I feel like it's not she's not totally gone.

24:36 Jennifer: She's not totally gone. But yeah, Michelle's probably the newest into um having that. And listen, Michelle, I've said it before, I'm gonna say it again. She's the chillest human on the planet. Yeah. Like she rolls with whatever rolls. I bet it's harder for Pete, which is her husband, than it is for her. Because Michelle's just like, okay. I mean, I'm sure she misses him because you know, it's a part of her life. But Michelle's always gonna be just an independent.

25:00 Jackie: So that would be like the common themes of when they leave. So it'd be like a loneliness, excitement, guilt, freedom, and reinvention. Yeah. So you're saying Pete has the loneliness.

25:09 Jennifer: He has he loves cooking for them. Well, he's a homebody, so he would notice the them gone. They've gone more because she was, she's always on like jazz or size, she's always seeing him.

25:20 Jackie: She was just like well, it was kind of like when we had our girls when you came out that overnight. He stayed home because one of the daughters, and he's like, I can't go. Our daughter's home. So like, all right, bye.

25:30 Jennifer: I'm gonna go see my girlfriend. It's not a bad thing. It's perfect, but she always will make yeah, she always maintains her independence in that. So she's probably doing okay. I'm sure it's a little bit of a weird. They were together before they had kids, then they had kids, and now they're back together. So I'm sure there's a little bit of an adjustment that happens in that too. Like they're having fun too. They're into camping. Yeah. So that's cool. Yeah. So I think Michelle's probably the one that has the and I don't know, it probably don't bother her too much.

25:57 Jennifer: She's probably fine with it because she sees her all the time, anyways. Those kids come around all the time. So, anyways, um, you know, some of the things that you can do when you have this, because you will go through it if you have kids, is some revisit some passions that you had, maybe some career dreams. You know, I think I've done that. I certainly got done and had some time by myself and said, I'm gonna own my own business now, run my own business. That's what I want to do. I don't have to be quite so tied down to, you know, a job 40 hours a week to make sure everybody gets to college, make sure everybody's stuff is paid for.

26:27 Jennifer: And then you brought me along. Brought you along. Yeah. You brought mine out. I gave you a career to do, which is my career. My passion's a career now. I don't have chats. No, because like we said, you told somebody you were a podcaster. I'm like, we haven't need to put a podcast on. I'm like, we gotta put a podcast on those. And Jackie's gonna podcast. What do I do? That sounds good. I'm a podcaster. Oh, what do you podcast?

26:49 Jackie: Not yet. We're working on it. Oh, it's getting we're close. As soon as it's there, maybe we'll reconfight to you. I'll send that out. Exactly.

27:00 Jennifer: But you know, just saying yes to adventures just like this. We just said, Yeah, let's go for the week. I'll meet you in Vegas and meet me there, and we'll have uh three or four days in Vegas and hang out and do whatever we want to do. Jen flew in, I drove myself out because we have a airport. Yeah. So that's kind of fun. This would not happen if we had children, which we've said so. And then, you know, talking to all your friends. We've just had a really fun week here talking to each other, of course, but like we've found some other people that we haven't seen in a long time and catching up with them.

27:29 Jennifer: And and you know, we can be a little intimidating when it's just the two of us. But I think we got intimidated on the podcast last night. Yeah, those two. It was two that we interviewed and they were really good. Yeah, we laughed so much yesterday. I was hurting. It was it was it was so funny. So um just let yourself evolve, don't feel guilty. You're gonna go through it. We all go through it, but you know, this is just part of the experience of being a mom and moving on. So you give so much of yourself to your family, and now you get a little time back.

27:58 Jennifer: So celebrate it. And like we said, reinvent yourself because now you get to go back to that version of yourself that was the person that got to do whatever they want, which is the new thing.

28:08 Jackie: It's another circle now because like now I have three grandchildren, so I'm back into that. Yeah, the secondary. Yeah, and you're about to have your first grandchild. Yeah, about to have my first grandchild. We'll see how that goes. Everybody, believe me. When it comes back, when they start having the grandchildren, you're right back where you were. Enjoy that period of time where you don't have any. I got a fourth one on the way. So they are my life. If they need me, I jump.

28:30 Jennifer: You do. We'll see how it goes with us. Anyways, yeah, I don't know. Well, I haven't got one yet, so I don't know how. Um, so what was your when you were childhood, what was your childhood dream job, Jack? I know mine.

28:40 Jackie: You do what's so funny. Okay, so I'd tell this story. So, and I uh my other girlfriends that we had a a teacher in fourth grade in the mountains, and her name was Mrs. Abramson. And actually, my mom had the same fourth grade teacher. Her name was Mrs. White when my mom went through school there. Isn't that cool? That is cool. So when we all graduated from high school, she had us fill out a little questionnaire when we were in fourth grade of what we wanted to be when we grew up and everything. So you saw your writing, but she mailed it all to us for graduation.

29:06 Jackie: Oh, that's awesome! Oh god, it was the coolest thing. Yeah, it gives me the chills. It was like the ah, such the sweetest thing. I didn't even know she was still alive. Well, you had probably forgotten you'd even written it. Right. And it said I wanted to be a horse racer. Horse racer? Have you ever even been on a horse? I think because my grandfather had come up with my grandmother. They weren't together anymore, but my grandfather was visiting from Washington, and this was my dad's mom, though you met my grandma.

29:31 Jackie: And um, they took us up to Big Bear to see horseback riding. So that's the only way because I was like, I never remember talking about horses. I would be a horse racer at that.

29:44 Jennifer: My dream, and it wasn't. I can't. You know what I mean? It was your dream that day. You're like, I'll be a horse racer. Well, my childhood dream, and um, I it's still vivid in my mind, was to be uh a cashier at the grocery store. Like I remembered and they're done that. I know, but I remember when I was a kid, they you would it had the price on it and it went through and they would they had that like they pushed those buttons and then you tapped it and you'd be like, and they said the prices $199, punk, $222.

30:10 Jennifer: I was like, that is my job, right? Now it's like you self-check out. Yeah, I'm gonna check your checkout girl too. I am a cashier, actually, except that I scan everything, and then I'm like, that's not the price. That price was supposed to be this. So, anyways, that was my dream job. Okay. It's funny. Oh, what's something that you're dying to try now? Here's the thing I do if I die dying to try it, I'll just go try it. Like, I don't deny myself too many things of what it is that may or may not be.

30:40 Jennifer: If I think I wanna I wanted to try that, I'll go try it. I'll make my way to it. You know, some things are I can't do. I mean, it can't be like a full-time traveling bog or traveling law traveling blogger um touring Europe, but I may get to that.

30:57 Jackie: I think I'm dying to try it. I mean, if I want to do it, I do it.

30:59 Jennifer: Yeah, you just do it. Um, I, you know, positioned ourselves. I moved us to a different state and bought a business that I wanted. You know, I'm pretty when I get my mindset on something, we're heading there. Like that's just my thing. So it's done. Yeah, it's a done deal. Yeah, it's a done deal letting that done.

31:16 Jackie: So one thing that you're visiting to the scene the next thing you're what? Have you talked to your husband about this?

31:21 Jennifer: Yeah, I told him that we're going so crazy. Anyways. Okay, say one thing that your bestie would say you're great at besides being a mom. What thing you're great at besides being a mom, Jackie, is you are one heck of an organized, everybody knows that cleaner sorter of all things. Like you're you're a better at you're a better homemaker than anybody I've ever known. Like, you take that on a professional level. Like, you I mean, it really is impressive that you are that, you know, dedicated to be told I should be like one of those people that go in and organize people's house as I've been told I should.

31:55 Jackie: She doesn't have my chapel, by the way. I should organize uh party. Yeah, yeah, do parties and stuff, yeah. Stuff like that. But I'm like, I don't want to deal with people like that. Yeah, yeah. Like I kind of like I want to do it on my terms, but yeah, my terms, yeah.

32:08 Jennifer: She comes to my chapel by the way, and like organizes organizes it and like is horrified with the space and try to get back every few months. Oh goodness. Yeah, all the people that work for me, I'm like, oh, Jackie's coming, I'm so excited. Then they're like, oh whoa. She waits till she sees this room. And they say they know I'm coming because all of a sudden she's organized the whole.

32:27 Jackie: I'm like, oh man, we gotta put some of this stuff away. I was gonna do help Jen when she goes on vacations and like that. And I take her reservation, forwards everything to me. I take care of it. That's right. That's right. And so I do have to talk to her Elvis and the uh photographers and stuff. He's so funny because the last time you were gone, remember I told you he's like, Oh, so Jackie, when are you coming back out? I try to keep this place clean. I need you to help, don't worry, I'm I'll be sad.

32:55 Jennifer: I know. And then she came and she was like walked in the because we have an area in the chapel that we put all our stuff and she's like mouth dropped open. What is going on in here? Because she'd already cleaned it. And I'm like, Well, we've been waiting for you. At this point, I just leave it kind of messy because I'm like, you know what, let her do it. She's good at it. Like I'm just putting stuff and shoving stuff in places. So it's fine. That's fine.

33:17 Jackie: And you businesswoman. Well, you're a great businesswoman. When you got your mind set on something, you're just gonna do it. And I I really respect that.

33:26 Jennifer: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. I think it's awesome.

33:28 Jackie: Yeah, I'm uh because I know I couldn't, like what you've taken on once when you started here is like yeah, it's impressive. Well, very impressive to all of us. Well, I appreciate that. That's very sweet. True.

33:39 Jennifer: So I'm not making this up. Well, I appreciate that. If this episode hit you in the field or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die. And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinestone chap rhinestoneweddingchapel.com because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

34:20 Song: Reuniting's like we never been apart, and every single time we're either eye and heart to heart. There's not enough words to describe what you made a made. Two put eggs and ups and downs and just like you stayed right next to me. I've got to make your laughter cry. Look up but everything under the definition of a bit. We're right in a story, every day we'll keep on it. Loyalty.