Best Friend Spark & Trust: How to Spot Your Bestie Energy Match

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer, and I'm Jackie. Jackie, and welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind vestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

0:12 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you start stuff.

0:17 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're a good company.

0:22 Jackie: Let's get slightly unsupervised. Today we will be talking about finding your person, what makes a best friend really. Not everyone you find with becomes your best friend. So what does it take? In this episode, we're talking about the real ingredients that turn casual friendships into lifelong ride or dies. Whether you're looking for your forever bestie or reflecting on the one you've already got, this one's for you.

0:44 Jennifer: So what does actually happen when you find your best friend? There's there's a there's definitely a difference between finding a friend and finding a best friend. So I think that we uh we've obviously all have friends that were like, hey, you're cool, I like you. But then there's this spark that happens maybe with your find your best friend. And if you've listened to our podcasts at all, Jackie and I try to kind of talk about that in the very first one to explain exactly who we are and what happened and how we sort of became really close best friends, even though we knew each other, right?

1:16 Jennifer: But we weren't considered we weren't like best friends or anything. In fact, I had another best friend, and you probably had another best friend. So anyway, so there's gotta be a an instant connection or a click. And we do bestimonies as well. And and we just did one where the two girls hated each other and they were at a bar one night and decided that couple shots and talking shots and talking, and now they are thick as thieves, like they're best friends. So I think it could come in the, you know, I don't like you because you're s maybe too much like me.

1:45 Jennifer: Say like they say that sometimes. Like if somebody's too much like you, then you immediately don't like them, or they're too different, then they don't you don't like them. But the there's a click, there's a moment where you go from just being friends to like in our case, helliens. But there's it's definitely, and you don't get it often, I don't think. I think that that's the one thing that I think is uh so special about having a best friend is that it's a connection that is deeper and more meaningful and is something that maybe you didn't have before or you had it or or whatever, and it's not something that you can really put your finger on, but it's there.

2:22 Jennifer: So there's a lot of people that say that we may have been connected in a different life, which I always say that too. I'm like Jackie and I must have been sisters in a previous life because of just the similarities of how we are. So you and I clicked, I don't know if it was a moment, it was just a time of clicking, like getting to know each other, riding the bus, and then the adventures started. They started, yeah. That was probably yeah. That's probably the night we stole the Porsche and went out is probably the first adventure we'd been on, and like wasn't like you were afraid, wasn't I was afraid, like we kind of found this adventurous We knew nobody else would have done that with us.

2:57 Jennifer: I think that's probably true that um you were willing to take some risks and I was willing to take some risks, and uh we didn't really even, I don't think, worry about it. We were just like, let's go, let's do this.

3:11 Jackie: Yes, for sure.

3:12 Jennifer: So that must be the that must be the click for us is that after that night, we were probably like, now what do you want to do?

3:20 Jackie: It got worse.

3:20 Jennifer: It did get worse, but I think that's something that uh maybe you find that in person, and maybe you have to be in different situations. Maybe you don't the first time you meet somebody, you're not in that situation where you would even know that about somebody. You know what I mean? We had to be like we had to actually like actually steal something and then get out and be like, like maybe there's a thrill to the chaos or a thrill to the doing something we're not supposed to do. Who knows what that was, but it was definitely something along the lines of just finding your person to be adventurous with.

3:52 Jackie: I think stories you keep in the closet that nobody else knows, but now they're out there.

3:56 Jennifer: I know. Trust us when we tell you that we've had to divulge quite a few of our little shenanigans to our family members who at least my kids till they were adults. Right. Mine too, actually. But so anyway, so and the other is this like shared humor energy um that you have, you know. We definitely laugh at the same things. We definitely when we're together, at least, our energy can be can be much for a lot of people. A bit much for a lot of people. You kind of feed on each other. Each other's sentences, right?

4:23 Jennifer: Laugh move vicious story. Right, right. And they're like, we already on the same wavelength, so we don't want to talk about it. Drives everybody nuts. So I I hope that you have a best friend like that. That literally everybody drives everybody nuts when you're with them, because that to me is probably a really good sign that you have what I would consider a true bestie um in your life. That that that is it. So one of the kind of the breakdowns or the top traits that is the core quality in a best friend.

4:49 Jennifer: Um, and we got this right off the internet to quote. So the first you want to go through them, Jack? Sure.

4:54 Jackie: Loyalty. You need someone who always shows up.

4:56 Jennifer: That's true. And we always have. That's right. But loyalty to me too, and I'm a Taurus, and by Taurus by trait, loyalty is very important to us. Like we we are loyal creatures and we we need loyalty. Loyalty is I don't have to worry about what you're doing behind my back or saying behind my back. Like, and you're really good at that, because if somebody talks crap about we are that way both, actually. We we won't say who, but we had a friend that somebody was doing something with, and it's like, you know, well, we don't like her.

5:26 Jennifer: Don't talk crap about her. Yeah, we don't deal with that. That's not something that we let people do.

5:31 Jackie: They are besties.

5:33 Jennifer: No, our whole group, but yeah, just like we're their husbands or their kids.

5:37 Jackie: Say it to each other, but no one else.

5:39 Jennifer: Right, right, right. We can tear each other down, but you stay off of it. Or we'll make fun of each other, but you stay out of it, you know.

5:45 Jackie: Exactly.

5:46 Jennifer: That's who I think that's just because we know where our hearts are at and we trust that our hearts are in the right places if we talk smack to each other when maybe you don't talk smack, but loyalty is a huge thing. If you're not a loyal friend, um, at least in my world, you're probably not a real friend of mine. I might keep you at a distance because and loyalty is something that you prove to somebody over and over again, and you have moments to do that. And if you choose to not be a loyal person, then you know that's uh that's the first trait, at least in my world, you have to trust that that person is gonna be there and that person has got your back.

6:22 Jennifer: Yeah. Loyalty is a big deal, guys. I think that's you know, for me and in my world, that's the biggest deal.

6:28 Jackie: Okay, go ahead. They know your secrets and keep them. Trust.

6:32 Jennifer: Yeah, that's true too. That's big. We tend to I tend to talk. I shouldn't have said that. No, but it is also no, just a group group.

6:42 Jackie: She is the one. We shouldn't say anything about that. It's gonna end up getting to everybody. Just our group. Oh, no, you don't go tell anybody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it we all, it's a joke. Yeah, it's a joke. Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't mention that.

6:53 Jennifer: It's mentioned. I know, I know, and I admit it, it's not a trust breaking. I just I just feel like I don't know when I'm supposed to be quiet. Yeah. I'm like, oh, is that a secret? Shoot. And I'll say that, honestly. I'm like, if you don't want someone to know, don't tell me because I don't remember what I'm supposed to say and not say. Like, like I'm too open.

7:13 Jackie: We laugh about it.

7:14 Jennifer: I know.

7:14 Jackie: But it's not you're not trying to do it right, you know, deceiving or trying to. We know that it's an honest, but it's usually between the five of us, best friends, which everybody you listen to our podcast, we have five best friends. Right. Uh also we have three other ones in our group.

7:29 Jennifer: But uh Yeah, I but I'm admittedly the one that says to you too. That now tell me if you don't want anybody to know, because I don't know. I just talk and blah blah blah. And you can tell in this podcast I'm the primary talker. So you can see how this can be a problem for me. So uh yeah, I can't remember what I'm supposed to not tell people. So that is something, but if I break a secret, it's not like a secret that was so secret. Now you we've had secrets, you've asked me to be quiet about something, and it was very serious.

7:55 Jennifer: And I like with my husband. Yes. And you said, Don't tell anybody keeping it very on the down low till we knew exactly what's going on, what we were gonna go through. Yeah, but even to the even to our group, even to our group, you're like, let me get this, let me get a handle on this. You had to tell me because you were I had to tell something. Yeah, but you were also taking care of my chapel while I was gone. And you had to read and I came back and you said this is what's going on. So you had to tell me, and then you're like, don't and I did that part of it when I know it's like a serious thing, I'm definitely on the trust thing.

8:24 Jennifer: But if it's like a light fluffy thing, uh forget that I'm just not supposed to tell people. I get so excited. So my excitement could trump my trust thing there, but um, but it is important that you at least trust the people you're with too, right? So like I trust that my that my my heart or my who I am is safe with you. Like that's a trusting thing. So that's it goes deeper than just the secrets, but yes.

8:50 Jackie: Emotional safety. You can cry ugly tears and it's fine.

8:55 Jennifer: Yeah. I think that's probably I don't really cry ugly tears.

8:59 Jackie: I am an ugly crier.

9:01 Jennifer: Yeah. You cry more than I. It's weird because I'll cry at things and but you'll cry at different things. Yeah, you cry at your things more than I cry at my things, but I will cry at other people's things more than you'll cry at other people's things.

9:12 Jackie: So that's kind of a different It's the Aries and Taurus thing, maybe?

9:15 Jennifer: Maybe, maybe, yeah.

9:19 Jennifer: I know. Well, I know my sign for sure. Because you know, I've studied it. But um, I think that emotional safety is like, can I cry in front of you and is that okay? And I just don't cry. I don't know. I was maybe raised in a house where my brother was my dominant and he was my older brother, and just you had to learn to be kind of a little tougher. I think Chrissy has that too, one of our other five besties, she's kind of that way too. Like, if we cry too much, we'd get beat up more or you know, whatever, because you know your siblings always beat you up, especially the older ones.

9:48 Jennifer: Uh I don't really get the younger ones, so yeah, yeah, exactly. So you were the bigger ones. Um, I don't generally cry too much. If I start crying, then like if I called you and was bawling, you'd probably freak out, be like, oh my god, what the heck? Yeah, something's happened. Yeah, yeah.

10:04 Jackie: I'll cry over little like you said. And it's not, I mean, to me it's big. Right. But sometimes it's just emotional. I'm like, why am I crying? But I've just that's the that's a release. Yeah, that's just me.

10:15 Jennifer: Yeah.

10:15 Jackie: And then I get over it.

10:16 Jennifer: Yeah. But yeah, sometimes, like recently, we just had a call and it was like the phone rang, and I knew it was her. And then I was with my sister or something, and then the phone rang again immediately. And I was like, I gotta take this now. Because I knew something was wrong. Because if you call once, you maybe just want to talk. And if I'm with somebody, I'm like, I'll call you back. But if you call me twice, I'm like, I pick up the phone, I'm like, I gotta take this, I'll be outside, to know that something's happened.

10:38 Jennifer: And like, you need uh you need somebody to just listen, event to talk you off a ledge or whatever it is that we do, and then go, okay, you good? You got this, you're strong, you're wise, you're stronger than you think. I always tell you that. Like, you can handle this, we're got this, and then you're like, okay, I'm good. Oh, so I think that emotional safety is important.

10:56 Jackie: Um, because I'm an easy crier on little things, and you're your yours has to be big.

11:01 Jennifer: Yeah. Yes. And mine's usually about somebody else.

11:03 Jackie: Yeah.

11:04 Jennifer: Like I'll cry for somebody else way more faster than I'll cry for myself, even to this day. So there you go.

11:10 Jackie: Non-judgment. They love your mess and can call you on your BS. Yes, we definitely that's an important one.

11:18 Jennifer: If you can't take criticism without it being if you can't say something to somebody and they're so sensitive that you can't say anything, I will say this. You're not being genuine to who you are, right? So we have to be able to say to each other and we nitpick each other. We know each other's little things. And we know we we celebrate them. I mean, uh, we can all go through what everybody is, how they are kind of, and then we we celebrate that, but then we also poke fun at you about that, right?

11:43 Jennifer: Because that's your like, that's your thing. But it's not judging, it's just saying, we're not perfect, you're not perfect, and join the group, I think, is more than that. Which puts all have our quirks. Yes, exactly. We all have these things.

11:57 Jackie: And yeah, we wanted to pinpoint all five. We can say all five what what there is. Right. I'm the L C D A D D okay. You name it. Everything we go on a girls' trip. Jackie has to unpack her suitcase, everything has to be laid out perfectly. Everybody else is living out. There's clean their stuff up. Oh, I talk about my own, I won't talk about anybody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do admit it, and you all make fun of me, and I'm like, that's right, that's me.

12:19 Jennifer: That's right. But we also lean heavily on you when we want to go somewhere and get something done. Can you get that organized for us? So you know.

12:26 Jackie: But you guys are good at bringing the gifts and stuff too. You organize that way when we do our gifts.

12:30 Jennifer: Yeah.

12:30 Jackie: But as for yeah, planning something, maybe.

12:32 Jennifer: Planning long-term big things events, we need you to tell us what to do and how to get it done. Fly the party. Yeah. But the judgment, non-judgment is important in friendships because if you can't be non-judgment, and there's things that maybe you need to judge. Here's the thing somebody judges you, but this is a good best friend little thing to be. If somebody judges Jackie, and it might be true, it might not be true. I don't really know. I don't really care. I'm coming for you. Like, no way. Right.

12:59 Jennifer: Like, you better back your shit up, and that you're not saying that shit about my friend. And I don't care if she's wrong or right, I'm defending you.

13:07 Jackie: And we've proven that to many people.

13:09 Jennifer: That's true. It's like the early years and the later years. And the later years. Like, there's a few that have been put to the side. Yeah. And you could be wrong or I could be wrong, but we're not gonna back down for each other, you know, or or any of us. But that's a good trait in a friendship because and then maybe there is like a friend needs a friend like that. They do, and maybe later you're like, well, maybe you should have not said it quite that way. Maybe you can go back later and like go over the situation and be like, But in the moment, I'm in a moment decide no matter what.

13:38 Jennifer: No matter what. Yeah, like you need a friend like that. Yeah, totally. That's super important.

13:43 Jackie: Because we're not always right.

13:44 Jennifer: No, but we don't need to discuss it right then. We need someone to be there though. Back us up with a tell us plate.

13:51 Jackie: Exactly. It's important. And it's very important in a woman's friendship.

13:55 Jennifer: In a best friend, yes, absolutely.

13:56 Jackie: Okay, supportive AF. Whether it's breakups or big wins, they clap for you.

14:01 Jennifer: That's right. That's what we were just saying, too. The same thing. Like, you know, people that there's always an emotional vulnerability to every person. Whether you and when you're a best friend, you kind of know that emotional vulnerability, meaning like that's a that's a trigger for that one, or that is a sensitive spot for that one, or that one that hurts that one, you know, whatever it is that you start going. Normally you might not say to one friend, be like, they don't really care. And then another one you triggers or it hurts, or whatever that is, and you're sensitive to know, okay, like I'm gonna be overly supportive, make sure you understand, da-da-da, like you got this.

14:38 Jennifer: So you have to know your friends and you have to pay attention to those things if you want to be a best friend, because there's things they need from you that have come with their life, and whatever the life journey was, and every one of us has a different life journey. That's the we're five best friends with who grew up in the same environment in the same town for all these years, went to school together, and every one of us has a different story and a different child. Yeah, a different childhood that but you we know that's the beauty of having friends for so long, like that, at least, is you know when they grew up what was happening, and you were going through that with them so that you have a way better understanding of what triggers them in those regards and then what they need from you because you've watched it for so long.

15:27 Jennifer: Like I always think about Michelle too, because Michelle's one of our best friends. She went through a divorce, I went through a divorce. Like her and I have similarities in that way that are so parents divorced. Parents divorced, yeah. And going back and forth with her dad and my dad, and her and my dad lived in the same town, which was not in the same town, but pretty close to each other. But like just knowing I know what happened, like I went through that journey with her in that regard, and I was in that journey.

15:54 Jennifer: So, in that regard, we were in the same journey together for a lot of years with that stuff. So, not much bothers her, but some things from that time period I know she's sensitive about because Michelle is like the most solid, easygoing human on the planet for sure. But her childhood was not like that. Like, so she's definitely takes chill on a lot of things, but that's the beauty about being a best friend is that you know those things about somebody, you know, or your childhood. We've talked about that.

16:24 Jennifer: Um Jackie and I always say we raised each other. But at some point we were just we had Davies parents, they were doing their own thing. They were doing their own thing, and like we and we didn't have anybody, we didn't have any. Well, we had some really good, I guess, role models around us, people that were, but for as much as we didn't have that, we are really good people. We have really good hearts.

16:45 Jackie: Like that's it was the environment we grew up to, the schools, the teachers. The teachers were back then, we were close to our teachers too. Yeah, that's true. You know, I do remember I did your book and newspaper and all that from junior high school all the way through high school with the same teacher pretty much the whole time. And she was always there for me. She knew my parents couldn't drive me. She lived in the whole other side of the mountain and would still have me stay after school and help us up, but then she knew she had to drive me home.

17:10 Jackie: Right, right. That type of thing. Teachers that we did very supportive of all of us too, and pretty much kind of knew our childhood too. Right. What situation everyone was in. So some of them they would take under their wings a little bit more and try to help you and not make you feel like, well, why aren't your parents gonna pick you up? Right. You can't. They never made you feel little. I think those were people we looked up to too.

17:29 Jennifer: That's true. That the teachers in the schools that we were in were very we were close to. Yeah.

17:35 Jackie: Even like just the teachers' principals, the vice principal. Yeah. I mean, we had growing up. Right. It was it was close. It was. And they know. And I think that helped a lot because now kids don't even know. Teachers don't can't get close anymore. They can't even hug their students anymore. No. And let let alone drive them home from school if you're staying in a school activity. Oh no. It's not happening anymore. And my parents didn't even question it. Your your teacher, Mrs. Farkas, is gonna drive you home.

18:01 Jackie: Oh, okay, no problem. Right. They didn't think twice of it.

18:04 Jennifer: We I was in soccer. We I always laugh with this with uh people that were on that team because it was a traveling soccer team. There was a we had a gentleman that was our soccer teacher in travel schoolball. He didn't have any daughters, he was just our soccer, our soccer coach. And we would go play places, right? Well, there was a tournament in Tucson, Arizona, which was seven or eight hour, nine hour, ten-hour, probably ten-hour drive from where we lived to there. And it was me and another girl and another girl, and I got there's four girls that he drove in his car from where we live to Tucson for this tournament.

18:36 Jackie: So you're talking four and a half to five hours.

18:39 Jennifer: No, we're talking 10-hour drive there, a 10-hour drive back. Tucson. Oh yeah, Tucson's way past Phoenix.

18:45 Jackie: Okay, that's right. It's way past Phoenix. That's right, sorry.

18:47 Jennifer: So Forgive me. Yes. So the four of us, four girls that our parents put us in that car and said, Okay, well, you go you girls go with him to the soccer tournament in Tucson, which we did. And he stayed in a hotel and he dropped us off at like um other people's houses to stay. Like families from the other team hosted us. So, anyways, but then we didn't want to stay in these houses because we were like, oh, these houses are dirty or whatever. So then we would go back, we'd get done with the tournament.

19:14 Jennifer: We're like, we don't want to go to those houses, they're dirty, or we don't know them. We don't know them, you know. And we're like, we just want to stay with you. So he would take us back to his hotel because there was a pool there, and the other families were staying in that hotel. It wasn't just him. Right. And we would all do like play in the pool. Like, we stayed with him until nighttime, and then he would take us back to went on for three or four days. And then he picked us up and drove us home.

19:38 Jennifer: Like, and nobody said anything. Yeah, life's different. That would never happen in today's world. There is no way they would let us drive with a gentleman who had no attachment to any of there was no reason for him to be our soccer coach other than he was a soccer coach and he was our he's dedicated his time and energy and money and did this thing for us. It was just a different time. Maybe because there was four girls, it was a little better instead of just one or two. But I don't think anybody blinked twice.

20:08 Jennifer: I don't even know if our parents knew there were four girls. We knew it when we got in the car, but you know what I mean? And he was just a really nice guy and he did all those things and just a different time. So interesting how that changes as time has gone.

20:22 Jackie: As for role models, as we said.

20:23 Jennifer: Yes, as role models, yeah. Now it's a little more difficult for girls to find those things. They find them in like, I think, people on the internet that they don't actually know that maybe are TikTok influencers. But dancers now. But how do you know that person really? Like you know they can dance or you know they can what they want you to see. Yeah, they're creating a picture in your mind that they want you to to see. So I think that's gotta be a little weird.

20:47 Jackie: I wonder how all the ones committing suicide because they're not as perfect as right.

20:51 Jennifer: They can't live up to their own.

20:52 Jackie: Can't live up to what everybody wants them to be. Right. Yeah. I mean, I I know there's other issues that some have, but mental health is a big thing. Sure, sure. But um, yeah, it's scary. Yeah. Three times. That's very scary. Very all right. So the next one, consistency. Even if it's just a meme, they always keep in touch. They just and this is what Jed and I talk about because I at least daily, right? One of us sends something. Right. One of those reels, one of those TikToks, right? Something that we're like, it's us.

21:20 Jackie: We're I always send the ones with the two best friends that are laughing. Right. Because they've been kidnapped. It said something wrong or annoying the the the the kidnapper. And they go drop us back off. Oh yeah.

21:33 Jennifer: It's like, never mind. Which we just said. The energy between us can be a lot. Like we've talked about that. But yeah, they're like, oh no, not these two. Yes, today's meme was the uh my best friend trying to get away and you chasing me with chloroform, putting it over my mouth. So memes, that's that's true. Like, even if you can't call your friend, send them something. Just like anything. Just say, I thought of you guys today or whatever. Yeah, the group two.

21:58 Jackie: We have a group text like this. always talk about it drives our husbands nuts that we know that we're when we're on it because our phones are going off like but yes I love sending something that every time I find something about friendship I like to send something on there. Yeah quick like hey I'm thinking of you guys we might have not talked for a while but hey I'm here and yeah and it always just like a nice reminder like oh oh yeah we're we've got more group and then we start talking.

22:22 Jennifer: Yeah. And so thanks that we're doing it. But that's a great sorry that's a great way to to definitely without having to actually sit down and type something or call them to just like be hey I'm thinking of you and we laugh and we remember yeah yeah yeah that's true about us or whatever. And it's just it's like a letting a little card in the mail but it's not really you don't have to get it.

22:45 Jackie: During the day or more or if there is a discussion if somebody needs something we're available. Right. Alone with everybody else. Yes. The other ones I'll have jobs all during the day. Right, right, right. Wait till three o'clock to hear right that's true.

22:57 Jennifer: And one after five. Right. And if it's after five really I'm in bed so then I gotta talk to them till the next day. We work through it. As a group so let's talk about friendships that felt close but didn't last and why they weren't really truly a bestie because I think um it's really good to make sure that you you give yourself you give yourself grace in that that sometimes you think somebody's a bestie and maybe they don't think you're a bestie or you think they have potential and they don't have potential and you start to feel bad that maybe something's wrong with you because you can't find a bestie or whatever it is or you have a hard time connecting to people.

23:34 Jennifer: First of all you have to be vulnerable so if you're not a vulnerable human being in general and you can't it doesn't have to be immediate but you need to start opening up more and more to somebody about things and letting them in a little bit that the vulnerability is where you find your where you find common ground with people. And people that are never vulnerable are going to have a hard time because you can't imagine this person is perfect all the time and never has a problem. There's nothing to connect to there I don't think like so anyway so and the the point of this is is that you may have felt close and that they weren't really your bestie and you're injured by that and all I've got is to say is that it happens to everybody and everybody maybe gets into a relationship they think oh this person's gonna be my best friend for life and then something happens and then they're not your best friend for life and that makes you feel bad like maybe something's wrong with you or whatever or you don't take the right people or you're not and it could be true but you have to then do self-awareness to oneself to really like say Am I a good friend?

24:36 Jennifer: Because to have a good friend to be a best friend you've got to be a good friend.

24:41 Jackie: Like and there's always there's always that situation too that we are proof of that there's the ones that yes we were super close in up to the 20s and we kind of went our separate ways but then we're back again. Right. So if they're meant to be it's gonna come back.

24:55 Jennifer: That's true.

24:55 Jackie: Like you're not gonna live your life and sometimes there's just situations that that's why you're in different cities states or just other things are going on you're starting this family thing or and I've said it and I'm gonna say it again about her is that I remembered her as her who she used to be she then turned into Stepford wife Stepford wife and became that that was my name I'm I'm not making this up.

25:18 Jennifer: Yeah that she became later yeah that she became whatever this person wanted her to be and that to behave in the way that they wanted her to behave. And I was like and then she was she convinced herself that was what she was supposed to be yeah she was supposed to be and I came back in and I was like who the frick are you? This is not who you are let me remind you of the little strong stubborn do whatever the hell you want to do no don't care what anybody thinks. That's you like that used to be you are still that person.

25:50 Jennifer: It's there. I don't know who this person is this person doesn't look like you or feel like you at all. So I always say that that was the grace that the reason we even had that is the reason that I came back when I did and didn't see you evolved into who you were was to remind you who you used to be in a very way like in a very convincing way like I don't think so.

26:10 Jackie: I appreciate that. Yeah because I probably I don't think I have any other friends that would have said those things to me. Yeah be like wait a minute I'm starting a whole new relationship and he didn't know who I was before. Right. A new relationship just saw me as the person that he came into but he he knew I had potential right I mean not that he loved who I was sure he just knew I was I was a frill like had no um like I it wasn't a positive thinking about yeah no self-esteem anymore all the things that I used to have.

26:38 Jackie: 100% and um but I I like I always say I let that happen to myself too it's my own I don't just blame other people that was my choices that I made. Absolutely but I'm glad that it all came back around and I'm where I am now.

26:51 Jennifer: Totally I'm a lot happier than a lot happier and you're having self-esteem from them and then and now and just the look on my face.

26:58 Jackie: And like I've said like my child writing a letter about his hero in fifth grade after you know we moved away and it was just me and my boys. I mean they still their dad was yeah love their dad blah blah but I was his hero because I used to be so sad and was not happy and I was always nice to everybody but you know not everyone was nice to me blah blah blah now he's just so happy because I'm happy and yeah exactly and that and that's true and we've talked about that.

27:22 Jennifer: I had to go because I was gonna be I was gonna be too much you had too much strength with me or you had too much your own thoughts when you were with me because that's how we were and of course I would be I need to go you can't control that. You can't I gotta now keep two of them under control and that one's broke. She's not gonna do anything I tell her to do because I don't do what anybody tells me to do anyways.

27:44 Jackie: That's my husband says now tell her what you don't want her to do.

27:46 Jennifer: She's gonna do it yeah and I was like good that's my girl that's my girl high five yeah your husband's like looking at me and I'm like this is who we want back like this is the girl this is the version you want. So but anyway so I I want to just touch on that the friendships sometimes you have a best friend that maybe isn't your best friend and um they're always making you feel bad about yourself.

28:07 Jackie: They're not your best friend. They're not I mean there's been a few like Jen's very blunt but she does it in a certain way but it's like it's done and over with. Right. You say what you're gonna say and then we just move on and then you're then you're lifting lifting us. Right. After that. Right. You know but then you have the friends that are always just just bringing you down. Right. Always making you feel and then after a certain point it's like hey wait a minute but I'm still so nice to you but you're giving me this every time I'm with you practically or even just once in a while but you and then there's really no apology or there's just that apology I have to because everybody saw it.

28:39 Jennifer: Right right right right now.

28:41 Jackie: Yeah a fake and after a while I mean I think you see it more when you get older. Sure. Like I've got it that's because there's a few now that I've pushed away because I've decided you know what I've never done that to you. Right. You've now done this three times stripes. Right right right right right right like I let it go the first time okay it was a situation and you're going through something okay second time all right give you one more one more time it's like forget it. I don't have time to have someone treat me like that.

29:07 Jackie: I don't need to be brought down. No I want to be brought up. Right. Yeah you can tell me something but that that's let it go.

29:15 SPEAKER_03: Right.

29:15 Jackie: But and sometimes it's just friends that they're just trying to find things to bring you down. Oh there.

29:19 Jennifer: And those are the ones you have to watch out for too the red flag the diggers the what do they call that the side digs.

29:25 Jackie: They're not gonna build you they're not gonna make you feel good about yourself.

29:27 Jennifer: No. And they don't no and and in the same way you know you need to be truthful as well you know you can't be it can't be all positive 100% of the time you gotta hear some things that people are like hey Jen we don't tell you anything because you tell everybody. I'll tell you straight out don't tell don't tell yeah then I don't yes yeah I need to sign a contract sometimes but I know I've I will it's usually you saying oh we shouldn't tell anything tells it's not usually someone saying don't tell to you if they say that to you you don't do it.

29:53 Jennifer: That's right.

29:54 Jackie: But if you if you say oh we shouldn't say anything right but no one else did that's coming back out Jen wants to say it Sarah Navy like did you just say that?

30:05 Jennifer: I'm like tell us all about talk about that. I know right now don't say anything just gonna be awkward and then I say it I'm like let's get the elephant out of the room this is what happened and then people are like everybody I know yeah that's true and that makes us laugh that's true obviously it doesn't affect us in a bad way. Yes. So anyways how to attract and cultivate some bestie energy. So be kind to your friend be the kind of friend you want uh for sure and if you are not a good friend or you have a history of not being a good friend or people have told you you're not a good friend, it's just because you haven't learned to be a good friend, I suggest you find somebody that you can mimic, watch them be the friend, watch see what they're doing, like mimic that because maybe you didn't grow up in an environment where you understood how to be a good friend that that's true.

30:50 Jennifer: And maybe you don't have a a role model that was a good friend or people that were around you that were good for you. And so you've turned into somebody that thinks everybody's bad. It's not true women are generally going to support women not all women not all men. I mean it's a blanket across the board but find somebody that you know is a really good friend to somebody and watch the relationship. Maybe you can find some pointers on that. I mean one of the reasons we're doing these podcasts is to really be to really dive into that one relationship that doesn't get a lot of attention.

31:20 Jennifer: So hopefully if you can't be a good friend or you don't have a good friend but you know somebody's a really good friend, watch them. Watch what they do. Maybe you hear them calling or texting you're like, oh well maybe I need to be more aware of that. Maybe I need to be more involved. If you have a really good friend they'll call you out on some stuff and that's okay because that means that they care enough to tell you that that maybe that's not that's not how I want you to be my friend. They're giving you some pointers and take it with a little bit of grace and say well then I'm gonna change that because I'd rather be your friend than hold on to my bad habits and um let some of that stuff go and and people will teach you things.

31:58 Jennifer: So um I think that that's something just to keep in mind.

32:01 Jackie: Which is kind of the next one practice vulnerability and open up to build build depth. Right. Just kind of hit that one.

32:07 Jennifer: Right.

32:08 Jackie: Like if somebody's always perfect No always perfect let's be real people. Yeah and best friends aren't gonna be perfect all the time either.

32:17 Jennifer: In fact you almost enjoy the fact that you're both imperfect in something because now you can let your hair down and be like yeah I got that problem. So if you're not a vulnerable person if you never dive deeper than surface level you're probably not gonna attract a best friend. I think you have to get deeper than that. You have to actually say something like you know that always makes me sad when somebody does that or something. Just whatever it is like test the water if they are like my God you're so sensitive.

32:45 Jennifer: Like maybe not on the best friend spectrum. Like analyze how many friends they really have. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah start with maybe see like are you their only friend sometimes there's two people that only have each other as a friend and that's their friend.

33:04 Jackie: That's fine too and that's fine too but closet works for you if you're happy with your you'll know if it's your best friend. Especially if you start listening to our podcast. Yeah exactly because we're gonna tell you when what how that feels okay be consistent even when life is busy. True and that's you have ways of doing that like we said in the memes right whatever you could just reach out hi send tell them because hey I'm thinking of you so we haven't talked yeah miss you love you.

33:27 Jennifer: Yeah miss you love you. Love you for your best friend is always important.

33:31 Jackie: Open it up if there is something like maybe they are thinking something but they haven't you know they're in their lives you know what I should send this I'm having a problem with this I'm gonna send it on the uh chat with my best friends.

33:41 Jennifer: Right right because sometimes they're just going through it and or like if one's more quiet than others, hey you haven't sent anything unless two times you good? So that we do do that. We do do that so that we know that they have been getting them number one but two that they're just or someone will say hey have you heard from Jennifer on our group text.

34:01 Jackie: Yeah. So it's kind of like I'm reaching out to them but then all of us too. Right. You know, because sometimes we'll have our separate messages to each other because it might be con about something else. Like meeting up like we live in California you live out here. So we try not to have you in those right taxes because like yeah you're gonna sit and hear 20 messages on how we're trying to make our plans. Which I'm not going to because you're like I'm at a wedding right now I don't need this I am marrying some best some besties.

34:24 Jackie: I I gotta go I gotta go. I don't want to get depressed while I'm doing my ceremony because I don't have my best friends here.

34:29 Jennifer: Or you know we sidebar a lot we were sidebaring for birthdays. What the one person that is birthday's coming is not in those and we're trying to figure out what to get them. Or when my husband was sick. Yeah when your husband was sick we were behind the scenes being like okay well they forget which one they're on and yeah then we say something.

34:45 Jackie: Yeah you're like and I know they care that's nothing they're not yeah we all know that.

34:50 Jennifer: Yeah when Jackie's husband got kind of diagnosed this last year with cancer and he was just it was in the beginning and trying to figure out what it was going to test and we're sitting on the edge of our seats and it's like okay and then I would and even me I mean the text I'm like okay girls um when anybody hears anything today from anybody if Jackie if it's not in our group text please let the rest of us know what's going on. So we don't bother you but we're like and then sometimes we don't hear we're like okay should we text?

35:19 Jennifer: Should we call we're always in a rooting position without interfering with your life too but and then it's always nice because you could put the update to one per to one group text and all of us now know, which is nice, right too. I love texting in groups because that way you fill in for everybody.

35:37 Jackie: We we want a lot to talk to you on sometimes I would talk to you and then you could tell everybody.

35:41 Jennifer: I'd be like okay I've talked to her didn't want to talk to everybody.

35:44 Jackie: It was just what we were going yeah it was it was a lot point seven yeah it was a lot.

35:47 Jennifer: Anyways okay so what's the next one? Uh know your boundaries and respect theirs. Yep that's true. True you gotta know where to not step in and cause chaos for them and their lives and then again everybody has I want to say it again everybody at least in our group of friends has a line of where we can go in and we don't and I think we're pretty good at knowing that line. What we can say.

36:11 Jackie: Yeah that one's too close to the heart you gotta keep our hands off that right okay be honest and speak up when things feel off and we definitely do that.

36:20 Jennifer: Yeah like yeah like you need that you need that are you mad you seem like you're a little mad today and you should be able to do that or just like hey if I did something you'd be the first to say it. I'm like did I do something I was supposed to do like because if I did I didn't mean to like I'm not it's not malicious. That's probably the thing that that y'all don't get mad at me about when I say something I'm supposed to is I'm not being malicious. I'm just like being who I am so it's the same thing as like now if if you are wrong and you have done wrong you better step up to the I was wrong.

36:52 Jennifer: You better because if you don't it's like something that someone can hold on to for and it's okay to be wrong at something. Right.

36:59 Jackie: Just admit it.

37:00 Jennifer: Apologize and be like oh my God I'm so sorry. It apologies are so free. Like you could we can pass out apologies all day long and they are free things and so many people have a such a hard time apologizing. If you're one of them and you don't have any friends you've got to get past that. You've got to you've got to have humility in your life and be like that's on me. That whole problem right there that's on me. I did that and then that all of a sudden softens it because now you're vulnerable which we've talked about vulnerability is important.

37:28 Jennifer: You've owning up to it and you're allowing the space to clear out a little bit so that the person that's angry or upset with you has some space to say something and be feel like they're safe in a safe space because it's like okay I hear you and now here's what's happened and then go through it. And if you get triggered and everything anybody says to you makes you upset it's gonna be a hard time. You're gonna have a hard time finding friends because you just become a problem. That one's too that one's too triggered to even try.

37:55 Jackie: So well recently I got an apology from someone remember oh sure I I've never gotten one and believe me I was at my wit's end. Yeah and that apology meant a lot to me because I knew it took a lot because this person never and let's say it's almost 20 years has apologized. And I've never gotten apology you know what two weeks ago I got an apology. That's right and I was actually sitting back and they asked if I wanted and I said no I I just want you to know how much I appreciate that apology.

38:24 Jennifer: Sure.

38:24 Jackie: Because it was the first time they actually admitted right that they were wrong. I'm saying that meant a lot so apologies due.

38:32 Jennifer: Yeah and then I know we're talking about but in that case too is a lot of um support on the side of the side of the fence being like that is bullshit I don't know why I put up with that nonsense I'll be tough. That's that's what we're talking about in the way of being a good friend. It's your situation to handle 100% just knowing that your support system is like agrees with you. Because we're I'm com I am or will always be no matter what happens in your life my concern is always you. It doesn't matter who comes and goes it's this one.

39:05 Jennifer: This one's the one I'm worried about and and I'm not worried about offending your husband I'm not worried about offending your family. I'm not worried about any of that. I'm just making sure you're okay. And that is I think best friendship right that's best friendship. I might stick my foot in my mouth with your husband once or twice or three times or maybe a couple hundred dozen times in my life but I don't care. Makes no difference to me it's like you got to stay out of the relationship I have with her too in that regard because we have our own relationship and I'm I'm supporting her.

39:34 Jennifer: And I know it may make you mad but like I said you could be wrong. I'm still gonna support you. All right we are now at rapid fire besting questions. You go first what's the weirdest reason you like someone instantly I don't know if it's a weirdest reason but I can tell you right now if you love animals and you're good to animals and you're chasing them around or feeding them or doing anything with animals I immediately love you.

39:59 Jackie: 100% 100% yes I mean an animal person yes animals animals are before her family let's be real say before the best friend if you came over and trying to buy order marbles my people order marbles she has it at her at her chapel in Nashville she has she's built a cat like what do you call that thing? Winter house for the cats wild cats by the chapel they aren't even hers. No she puts out water and food for the animals they are not hers. They're the neighbors yesterday she's ordering marbles so that the bees and the bugs that land don't drown so they can get I'm just looking at her seriously you're on Amazon right now while we're about to start a wedding trying to figure out how to make sure the bees don't drown in my water or something.

40:43 Jackie: The pub he drowns in the water how important animals insects are the up there. It's like my husband he always says we have a we got a puppy he got me a puppy last year for for my birthday and times he regrets it. He does back down on that totem puppies first.

40:59 Jennifer: I know and I said that too I was like man I guys gotta regret that because he just got bumped off of it.

41:05 Jackie: But I'm not as bad as Jen.

41:07 Jennifer: No I'm every animal and it doesn't have to be mine and it doesn't have to be oh I said insects anything I forget all those words I don't know all of them. Yeah yeah yeah don't correct me I'm just throwing them up so that is the that would be and you may not even we not even speak the same language I'm I love you. If you love animals I love you so that's probably mine. What is a friendship red flag you now avoid negativity. Lots of negativity.

41:31 Jackie: Yeah you said that that gossipy yeah gossipy you know it's just the jealousy thing I guess it's more of a jealousy to jealousy and and just being just negative and gossip and I just don't like when we're all around we don't sit and talk about that stuff. No.

41:46 Jennifer: I mean maybe we did in our well yeah in our 20s maybe but that's not what I want to sit down and talk about.

41:51 Jackie: I don't care. I don't care what someone says they're not part of my life. Right. Like I'm happy I'm happy for people right when they get something and they're happy and that makes them happy. Absolutely but I'm not gonna focus on it and why why why why do you even care? Don't you have a friend to go talk to you try your best dave your family let's what do you what did you do yesterday? Did you do something fun? Right find some positivity in your life that's I like I would say yeah I love positivity of my friends.

42:18 Jackie: Right. But all that other gossip negativity and always just pointing out things I just I sit there and just look at people. Yeah like I told Jen Jen knows I zone out. You do I just look at them and then I look up I go oh I need to dust that yeah I know and I just I just stare it I can't take it anymore. I don't know. Yeah she does that quite frequently out now on that type of that's my red flag. That's your red flag I got you best grand best friend green flag which I just said that positivity and just a happy yes I mean I'm not saying do I feel better all the time yeah I'm just saying I would rather you just be more of a positive person.

42:55 Jennifer: Yeah but do I feel one myself with you? My am I uh able to be who I am with you is a green flag. And then am I being a better version of myself when I'm with you. Right. And are you like coming are you adding to my life and being like somebody that I can relate to and feel better and I'm just happier around you. Yeah yeah relax.

43:19 Jackie: Just like recently we've had some of our best friends like we got together. Yeah but just being around and we just sit and talk and everybody's just happy. Happy yeah like I love yeah best room group is just so good that way there's like I mean maybe if we drink too much there might be a little nothing big once in a big never with our husbands around. Right. But otherwise we're all together it's there's just it's just happy. It's happy yeah and we're all ourselves we can be stupid and like we said we talk about the same stories over and over and it's okay.

43:48 Jackie: It's not someone going oh my gosh I've heard this a hundred times.

43:51 Jennifer: No no it's like well you're gonna hear it a hundred more yeah and then we laugh about it again because now it's said it again and it's like oh yeah I remember that and it's like we've said it thousands Of times. Yeah, I think uh when some when a when you're looking forward to spending time with somebody because you're going to feel better is always a good indication that that is a person that is good for you.

44:13 SPEAKER_03: Definitely.

44:14 Jennifer: So keep your your green flags. Um yeah. Well pay attention to it. Pay attention to the red and pay attention to the green if you're out looking for a best ride.

44:23 Jackie: Texts are calls. What keeps you feeling connected? Oh calls are I feel like calls are harder now because everybody is so good. It is true. So it is nice to have text. It is.

44:32 Jennifer: Because you don't have to call.

44:33 Jackie: Yeah. You can be just like, I'm not like like all this other stuff, uh, media stuff. Social media is different. I I mean, I'm not so like, I don't think that's always so gung ho, blah blah blah. Because everybody wants to keep up with everybody else. Right. I do like that we can text and call each other. That's true. Or I mean sorry, we've always been able to call each other to either on a rotary phone, or but now we have our cell phones.

44:53 Jennifer: Right. But I like that you can text. You have an option to text now, yeah. Instead of like a full-blown but inside the full-on conversations when two people have enough time to do it. Like I love to talk in my car. A space that I love to talk because you're talking, you have the time, it's nothing's gonna come in between. It's not like something. So I'm a I'm a car person and I know there's a lot of memes that go around. It's like, I called you 20 minutes ago when I was in the car. I'm now busy.

45:22 Jennifer: I'm now not in the mood to talk. And that's me.

45:24 Jackie: Well, that's well, the Jen's one that I can call sometimes once in a while to drive my husband to the airport. He travels. So it's usually dropping him off at five o'clock. I'm two hours ahead. I know. I can call Jen and we'll chat him the whole way home.

45:37 Jennifer: Yeah. And then you but that's like another connection of like so sometimes the calls are important. Don't don't bypass them. Texting is always good, memes are always fun. It's just nice to be able to have that option to text. Yes. It does. But it's always nice to have a just a reconnection always happens when you're actually on the phone with each other. So if you're not a good caller or texture, and there's some of you that probably tell your friends to tell you that that you don't really reach out or you do anything.

46:00 Jennifer: You have to make time for that. Like make time to do that. Make even if it's a text, I mean, at a minimum, a text. No, at a minimum is a meme. Yes. At the next level's a text, and then a phone call. Do something once a week with one of those. Do something. Because that is just a quick connection, a quick hello, a quick I thought about you today. Those are always a nice way to make somebody feel you love them, you know that you're thinking of them. All of that is good, but once in a while, a good phone call is always good just to really catch up and go over stuff.

46:31 Jackie: So our last rapid fire bestie question for today is have you interviewed someone in your head to be your bestie?

46:39 Jennifer: I think when you have besties, you're not looking for new besties. I think. If it happens, it happens. Sure, sure. And I mean, I've had friends that I've been super tight, super close with, and best friends for some of my life, and then some have not. Like you don't have them long-term, season, reason, and lifetime. Um I don't know if I've ever really interviewed somebody to be like, oh, are you my dusty? Like when you have them, I don't think you're looking for them. But it doesn't mean that you can't.

47:02 Jennifer: And it doesn't mean you shouldn't. If you especially if you don't have one, you should be interviewing them. And then the green flags come in. Are these people have and the red flags? And you know. So, anyways, that is our concluding our day today. Um if this episode hit you in the fails or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

47:22 Jackie: Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die. And when you're ready to make it a your friendship official, book your best money at rhinestoneweddingchapel.com.

47:32 Jennifer: Because the best love stories don't always come with the ring.

47:48 Song: We stick together eye or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. Reuniting's like we've never been apart, and every single time we add an eye and heart to heart.

48:16 Song: There's not enough for us to describe what you made a mic and that's like it stayed right next to me. I bought a make it laugh at the definition of the bits forever, take age, we'll write another toy. Every day we'll keep on going every day.

49:40 Song: A bottle bake you laugh at your face, it's good.

50:00 unknown: It's good.

50:14 Song: Loyalty.

50:18 Song: You want me trust that loyalty.