Making Friends Later in Life Series | Episode 5: Making Friends After 40 | Platonic Soulmates & Real-World Connection

0:01 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Jackie. And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind Bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

0:12 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to snort stuff.

0:17 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company.

0:21 Jackie: Let's get slightly unsupervised.

0:23 Jennifer: Welcome back, everybody. We are now on episode five in our series of Making Friends Later in Life. Today we're going to talk about from the self, work, and the real connection on how to actually build friendships later in life. Helping women move from this insight to action, learning how to intentionally build new friendships in a way that feels safe, aligned, and sustainable without forcing connection or abandoning yourselves.

0:46 Jackie: We've spent the last few episodes talking about how you are now, how you get energy, what wounded you, and what you need. And at that, at some point, the question becomes, okay, now what? This episode is about moving from self-work into real connection without rushing, forcing, or settling. Because making friends later in life isn't about finding anyone. It's about finding the right people.

1:07 Jennifer: So today we're going to start talking about how to make connections, where to make connections, what to do. Later in life, the, you know, it's very easy when you're younger because you're in proximity, you're in kids, you have kids in the same schools, you're in school, you're working together. So what happens when you are not in those situations anymore that you are now trying to connect and make a connection with people? So, you know, it becomes more of a choice. You're what you want to do, if your energies align, if your intentions are correct on the same side of this friendship, that that is where the connection is made.

1:41 Jennifer: So, you know, you have to start somewhere. You have to get into the same space. I would say phone conversations can be nice. And certainly I would encourage you to do that, especially if you're particularly shy, that maybe a phone conversation with somebody that you think might be good to be friends with and you don't necessarily have the same schedule. I think that can be okay. But phones for me, Jack, maybe you're this way too. It's hard to really get a gauge on it because there's a lot of uncertainty in phone conversations when you don't have a topic or alignment to talk about.

2:18 Jennifer: You can get a little uneasy with just a telephone conversation. I think it requires a face-to-face, but it's certainly we don't want to toss out a phone connection because for some people that may be the most comfortable. It would be comfortable for me, but I'm an energy person. Also, people are a lot shyer on the phones than they can be in person, and particularly the new generations. They don't like the phone, so they don't really talk on the phone. Um, what do you feel about that? If you had met you were meeting somebody later in life, Jackie, and um you were shy.

2:50 Jennifer: I know it's hard for you to go into that zone, but if you were shy and somebody just wanted to talk on the phone, how how comfortable would you be on a phone conversation only with somebody for the first time? Would you find that, do you think, to be I don't have a problem with it? You know?

3:07 Jackie: I'm good, yeah. I'm good. I mean, when you think about how we used to like um just talk on the phone for hours and hours.

3:14 Jennifer: Yeah, you know, we knew each other before we got on the phone. This is when they don't they haven't met.

3:18 Jackie: Sometimes I think we've just sometimes it was new friendships and stuff that you'd be talking on the phone, I think. Or if you started dating someone, it wasn't like now that they just text each other.

3:28 Jennifer: Yeah. Well, texting is more comfortable, I think. So but how do you know an energy if you don't talk on the phone? You can't there's a place for texting is fine and texting is good, and I I think there's definitely a place in texting.

3:40 Jackie: True, but I definitely would have to be ready for it if I'm gonna have a conversation because like my energy, like I could be like I could talk to you, but I'm doing a hundred things at the same time while I'm talking to you. Right. Where I'd have to, if this is someone new, I probably need to sit my ass down and like just really listen to them and talk to them. Right. Otherwise, gonna be like going, she's gonna have what is she doing? Now she's I hear like, you know, the washer and dryer going, Oh god, what is she blowing down right now?

4:05 Jennifer: Is she yelling at Rick currently? Yeah, she is yelling at Rick, okay, now get back. Yeah, well, that's just the that's the familiarity with us that it would make that easy. But if you yeah, if you were gonna sit down and just have a phone conversation with somebody, I think if you're gonna do that, and I want to leave space for it, it's not something I recommend. I think you should go meet each other.

4:23 Jackie: That's what I would recommend because I think Yeah, get away from there and go somewhere new. Yeah.

4:27 Jennifer: But if you you could only do a phone conversation, if that's the most comfortable for you, then I would write down a few things that you want to share with that person. I would not go into it with nothing. I would go into it with, you know, talk about your kids, talk about your husband. If you have to write down a few things so that you remember that what you're talking, a lot of people get, you know, lost. They're like, oh my God, what am I gonna say? What am I gonna say? They're more in, they're more anxious about what to say.

4:51 Jennifer: Also in those conversations, I feel like, especially when you were like dating for the first time. I'm sure this is is parallels to that. And you're like, you know, trying to find some kind of connection to each other when you're you're just talking to each other like on a phone. And so you start talking about normal things like your family, your kids, your life, whatever. So have those things kind of written down to kind of alleviate some of the stress on you to figure out what to say, to share your life, and but most importantly, also ask about their life.

5:21 Jennifer: I think you know, you can get caught up in in talking about yourself. Talking about yourself. And so the connection is really to discuss together who you are.

5:31 Jackie: Hopefully, eventually, maybe by the third conversation, you don't have to make notes anymore. You'll get cut off.

5:36 Jennifer: Oh, for sure. I'm just talking about the first, like the first real connection. Maybe make some notes to yourself so that you can.

5:42 Jackie: You'll be like, I gotta make notes. Forget it. I'm make I'm not having this conversation.

5:47 Jennifer: All that's you though. You don't have a social anxiety. We're talking to people that have are outside the realm of our socialness that we want to, you know, give them space for that. So I think a phone conversation could work if that's all you're capable of doing. But please make sure that you have some notes about what you want to talk about. I think it's a good idea. And I also think make sure that you remember to ask about their side too, so that they have some time to speak.

6:13 Jackie: And yeah, make sure you're putting the time aside that you can actually sit there and enjoy the conversation and not, you know, that you have other things to do. Because I even get that when my kids call sometimes because they call me. The boys call me so much.

6:24 Jennifer: Yeah.

6:24 Jackie: And it'll be like, I'm in the middle of something and it's like, I really don't want to talk right now.

6:28 Jennifer: Right.

6:29 Jackie: I want to get this done before I, you know, get on a conversation.

6:33 Jennifer: Right.

6:34 Jackie: Because then otherwise I'm like short. I'm like, ah, okay, everything's good. All right. Well, uh, I'll talk to you later.

6:39 Jennifer: I always find my best talks go on in cars. I like car talking because car talking is isolated. It's my own space, nobody's around to bother me. I like phone conversations over in the car so that while I'm driving, I'm actually having a conversation. I'm, you know, doing two things at one time. So find your space, find your thing. If you have to do it by phone. Now, with that said, we I'm not recommending a phone because I don't know if a phone really can give you if you have chemistry with somebody or if you align with somebody, I think you have to meet them in person to do so.

7:10 Jennifer: And I would suggest that you come up with some places to do so because if your connection, if you're doing something with each other, and I'm gonna give you an example of a friend that I had that I went to the paint and sip thing, which is the painting and then some wine that um I went to and I really good friends with her, and we're still good friends to this day. We met there. Her son dated my stepdaughter, so they sort of gave it to us as a Christmas gift each. So we went, you know, it was kind of uncomfortable, like, okay, I guess I'll go meet this person and ended up just being a really good connection.

7:44 Jennifer: But also we were doing something. We were painting. There was an instructor telling us what to paint. So we would stop and listen, and then we would paint, we would talk, and then we'd have a drink, and then we'd stop and listen and we'd paint, we'd go over each other's picture, you know, like, oh, that looks really good, or whatever. We were doing something in the middle of somebody else telling us what to do. So it was a third party kind of instructing us what to do and how to do it. And then we were also comfortable because we could have a drink and like let loosen up a little bit, which is always, I'm not promoting it, but it's always nice to have a glass of wine if you can, if you're able to, um, so that you kind of get more comfortable.

8:20 Jennifer: It was a great place for us to meet and to have a connection. And like I said, it it had a beginning and it had an end. So it started at seven, it was over at nine. There was a two-hour window there where we were committed to being in the same space together and we didn't we walked in, didn't know each other. And um, it helped because it was a third party was moving us around. There was other people there, and we were there was a start and stop. It wasn't like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to now tell this person I need to leave because I'm tired or whatever.

8:52 Jennifer: It was the the connection was already set. Now, for me, that is the ideal situation because you're not stuck in something. Now, if you went there in hour one, you didn't like each other, you could just paint and you would do that. The two-hour thing would come and you'd be done, and then you would never see each other again. So I think that is a great place to something where there's a start and a stop that you can meet somebody to do something with and other people are around, so that kind of keeps it on a comfortable level for the first time.

9:21 Jennifer: I asked my chat GPT to come up with I'm in Nashville and so I don't know the area as well. And I asked them, I'm like, so if we were gonna recommend 10 things where girls could go do a little activity for a few hours and um do something together. So I want to just kind of give you what it says. There's Arrington Vineyards, which is a winery around here where you can wine and talk and chat. Um there's actually like a place there, like a big barn you could go meet and you're social and you're just kind of wandering around and you have something to talk about.

9:55 Jennifer: It's a nice area. Um they have this thing called Sip Cafe, which is a cozy coffee bar where they have small tables and you could sit down and chat with each other and sit and just have a coffee, which is always good. Coffee is always a good place to start too, I think, as long as you have an ideal about when you're an idea when you're gonna be there, when you're gonna let. And then the paint with a twist, which is what I was talking about, the paint and sip thing. They have a Radner Lake here that is like a place where you can meet and go for a walk, nature walk.

10:24 Jennifer: I don't I wouldn't start with that, probably. I would probably want to meet somebody before I go walking with them. That's just me though. A cooking class, I think that's a really good area too. Like if there's a cooking class, um, I know I've taken one here in Nashville that was kind of fun.

10:39 Jackie: Walking groups. You could do walking groups.

10:41 Jennifer: Walking groups, yeah. I I I I would not go walking with somebody I don't know alone, but walking groups would be great. Yeah, the cooking class I thought was a really good one too, because I feel like that's like that's our HOA.

10:52 Jackie: We have like a walking group, we have where they do yoga. Some mornings they have a coffee truck that now comes to a clubhouse with the pool and all that. So they have a coffee company that comes, a lot of people come and like sit and talk and they do donuts and what else. They do all kinds of things, like little crafts. They'll do crafts every once in a while. And it's all included in our HOA, so it's cool. You just go, it's all you just sign up and it's all free.

11:12 Jennifer: Right. Yeah. So if you have an HOA, that's a great, great place too, because you're in your neighborhood, right? Mm-hmm.

11:19 Jackie: We have like a wine the women's wine group. You can go meet the women over at the fire pits over at the clubhouse.

11:24 Jennifer: And yeah, that's that's a great idea because then you're in a zone. Like that's if you live in the same neighborhood, that's a great place to meet people too.

11:32 Jackie: I just wouldn't, I I'm not open to doing the whole uh start inviting people into my house. So I like that we can go over to the yeah, for sure. To the other place. I don't need because we live across from the school too. Like uh some people will just like show up and be like, you know, because they've met us, it's like, okay, well, we're in the middle of doing something. Like Right. Yeah, you gotta be described. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's like as soon as people start knowing where you live, it's like uh well, you shouldn't have anybody at your house first, I don't think.

12:00 Jennifer: I I don't think I think a neutral place is always the best idea. I would not have people over to your house to begin with. It's uncomfortable for you to have them, it's also uncomfortable for them to go. I would be uncomfortable. And you and I, I would say on a social level, we're more social than most people to some degree. So if we're in the more extroverted, although we are ambiverts now because we're old, but in that side of it where we would be more social, we still would be uncomfortable to go over to someone's house by ourselves and just sit and talk to them.

12:28 Jennifer: So I think a place to meet, something to do is a great place to start. I think your HOA is a great place thing to have, especially because I can imagine when you do those things, Jackie, if you're looking for friends, the same people keep going because they're like, oh, I'm looking for it.

12:44 Jackie: And I do, it's it's nice too, because um they do have a thing for my grandchild's, my grandchildren too. They have a story hour for toddlers on Tuesdays and like nine o'clock in the or ten o'clock in the morning. And so I can meet some of the other there's a lot of grandmothers that are watching their grandkids too. Right. I've met them over at that also, and then we'll go over to the park and because there's a park right there too. So after story time, you go over there and the kids all play. So you kind of meet them that way, like, oh, you want to be over at the park one day?

13:07 Jackie: I'll have my grandchild, you know.

13:09 Jennifer: Right. Yeah, that's a great that's a great place. I think that's good. I don't have I have a nice neighborhood. We do a dog a lot of dog walking. So we have met a lot of people dog walking, and so from those, some of those things, people are like, Hey, we're having a glass of wine on the patio. Do you want to come over? Like patio's great, it's open, you know, everybody could see everybody. That was that's always comfortable. I mean, that's a little uncomfortable. You go over there and then you're like, hey, are we?

13:31 Jennifer: And then you just start talking and you talk, you can talk about the one thing you know each other. There's two things that we know each other has. We know we both have dogs, so we could talk about dogs. And the other thing is we all live in the same neighborhoods, we can talk about all of our neighbors. So not all of our neighbors, but you know what I mean, our neighborhood.

13:46 Jackie: Yeah, you know, it's like the kids in the cul-de-sac. We all do. And it's not really, we don't really do much inside. Usually the holiday times, yeah, like we'll do holiday parties or trade-off or whatever. But otherwise, um, everybody pretty much meets out in the front cold up. We live in a cul-de-sac. So a lot of the neighbor it's funny, these younger people now they like to make their garages into like um gathering places. Yeah. Rather than rather than but I guess it's good because they all have kids and then the kids aren't inside playing, the kids are outside playing.

14:14 Jackie: Right. And then the parents are out there too, and they've got their sports and da da, but they're out there with the kids. Right.

14:19 Jennifer: Cornhole is always a good one to that's one of our we have the cornhole. Neighborhood, you can pull out the cornhole. But I I think we you know, from a woman's standpoint, you know, classes, walking groups, volunteering somewhere is always good too. If you could be a volunteer somewhere, you're gonna meet somebody who has the same sort of heart as you do. I think that's great. Hobbies, you know, whatever you're doing creatively, a hobby place. There's also, you know, your faith. If you're faith-based, you always have the faith connection there, which I know a lot of I'm in the Bible Belt.

14:48 Jennifer: There's a lot of churches and a lot of faith groups here that women that get together, those are always good places too, to see if you can find somebody. So find me something you feel comfortable doing, and I would do them. Maybe go check out, you know, if I'm gonna do coffee, Starbucks is the you know, main one. But I would probably, if I was really interested in it, I'd probably go to a few coffee houses, like just more one-offs, because I think Starbucks could be a little cold. I would probably go find, you know, if this place suggested something called sip and drink or whatever.

15:19 Jennifer: I would probably go see it and say, like, oh yeah, this has got a good vibe. This will be fun. We could sit on chairs and talk to each other. We're not, you know, just hanging out at a little table or whatever. So, you know, you could do a little work on it somewhere where you feel comfortable, somewhere where you know it's safe, and and then invite somebody to come over and just say, just for half an hour. You know, I put a time limit on it too, if I was somebody, just because you don't want people to feel like it's open-ended.

15:42 Jennifer: Like, let's just meet, we'll do like half an hour, just have a cup of coffee. It gives people a start and a stop, and and you can always extend if you feel like it, and it's good, but it also gives somebody the opportunity to know that if I'm uncomfortable in half an hour, this could be over, kind of thing. I think a start and stop on these first meetings is always a good idea, don't you?

16:01 Jackie: Well, they say connection grows faster when you're doing something, not auditioning yourself. So I think that kind of goes with it. You're just doing something. That's something you like. I mean, yeah, something you like.

16:11 Jennifer: Cooking class was a great one. I thought that was great. I don't even know.

16:14 Jackie: I used to cooking classes when I live in the desert. Yeah.

16:17 Jennifer: I did do that.

16:18 Jackie: And there's a lot of things. Because you have to work together.

16:19 Jennifer: You have to get together, you have to work together. So I thought that was a great one. The the one I didn't get to read that was on there was the one that said the um like the uh market, the little Saturday market. Yeah, farmers market that comes along. If you're like into that where you can walk around and I think that could be a good place too, especially if you're one of those people that likes sort of doing that kind of stuff. That's a good place to meet too, because you're in open air, you're around public and you're have something to do.

16:44 Jennifer: You're walking around the market kind of thing.

16:47 Jackie: We did a market night here last Thursday and Rick and I for something different to do in the evening and just the friends we made with the people that have the booths, like talking to the people.

16:56 Jennifer: Right. Yeah. And especially if you're crafty, you know what I mean? You can go and you see somebody has their own crafts on and you'd be like, hey, um, you know, what do you do? How do you do this? There's a lot of opportunities there for that kind of stuff. So just I would this is really this this whole episode is on trying to build friendships and where to actually start doing that and start doing that. So you need to start thinking about where you're going to have these connections, how you're gonna have these connections, and some good places to meet people to do it.

17:25 Jennifer: And you know, not everybody's going to be, I cannot express this enough. These connections, this initial connection stuff is not going to be a it's not going to be a hundred percent bullseye. You're gonna go and you're gonna say, nope, that one wasn't for me, or that one felt really good, or whatever. You have to do some work and you have to do it repetitively, and you cannot expect to find your soulmate on day one, you know? So if you do some work on yourself and you know what you're looking for, this is gonna make this whole process of meeting people and doing things with them to say this could be a good connection for me, or this could not be a good connection, and you have to pick somebody that works for you, but not you working for them.

18:04 Jennifer: So I can't say this enough. You're not gonna get you're not gonna meet somebody at coffee on day one, and then maybe it maybe it happens one in a million, but you're probably gonna have to do that a few times. You can't be afraid to at least have some conversations with a few people, don't you think, Jackie? I mean, it'd be hard to pull somebody from one little blurb with them and be like, okay, do you want to go have coffee and then make a instant connection like you're gonna be best friends the rest of your life?

18:33 Jennifer: I think that's a hard ask, don't you? No, definitely, definitely. You can't you can't be shy about it. Keep trying because you're gonna fail at some of this stuff. So that's really what I want to say. So some of the invite connections is would you like to grab some coffee? I enjoy talking with you, want to do this again sometime. That's great if on the phone. Or I love this one. I'm trying to meet more people. Do you want to join me? Like, I have a plan. I'm gonna go to here in Nashville, we have a ton of music.

18:59 Jennifer: Music's everywhere. We're in the music city. So you could go to a bar and listen to music and be like, hey, do you want to go? Those are just great little connections. Every city has a different thing. Jackie has her great OHOA over her where she's at, um, brewery.

19:12 Jackie: You have I saw on Instagram. So one of those bars at the top do a bingo like thing that's really big. You need to go to that. I want to go to that. I see it on Instagram.

19:21 Jennifer: Jackie now wants to go to bingo right. I love bingo. Oh my god, that's so that's a great place. You know what, Jackie? That is a really good, fun idea. If you meet somebody who wants, hey, do you want to go play bingo? Like I said, it there's an activity going on and you're just kind of filling in with it. I love that. That's a great, great idea. And when you come, we'll go to bingo. We'll find a place and go play bingo because I love to play bingo.

19:41 Jackie: Well, there is. There's a someplace at the top of a bar, it's really popular. And then they like showing it everybody's just like uh the women are just having a blast. Yeah. When I see it next time, I'll send it to you.

19:50 Jennifer: I went on a date with my sister. Mm-hmm. I didn't know I was on a date. My sister met some guy and we were on a date. I was like, man. But anyway, but yeah, it was a third wheel. But he had a group of friends too. So it was like a big group meetup. And so, anyways, I always tease her about that. I'm like, remember that time we went on a date? And he, I go, hey bought everything. And I'm like, You should have told me I could have ordered like a steak or something, you know, like I could have joined in.

20:13 Jennifer: Got like an appetizer. But we played this, it was really fun. We played bingo, but it was it was like music. They played a music, a little snippet of music, and you had it on your thing. You had to figure out the song and the title, and then it was doing it, but it was like all of like the 80s and the country music. So it was like every time the song came on, yeah. We were like playing, we were dancing, we were singing the song. We could never remember the title of it, but we knew the song. So it was so fun and such a like a new We have a friend that's really, really good at that.

20:44 Jackie: Yeah. And would yeah, she would take over on that one.

20:47 Jennifer: She's really good at music and knowing the title. So yeah, that was super fun too. That was a whole new spin on a thing I'd never been to. Mm-hmm. A spin on bingo. But she also, my sister always goes to trivia night too, and trivia night's always fun as well if you guys find trivia. So trivia is a good thing. So, anyways, anything you can kind of do, give somebody an out. Do you know, do you want to join me? No. Like, you can't get your feelings hurt on everything. Rejection isn't personal. Sometimes it's that's not their jam, you know what I mean?

21:15 Jennifer: Like you asked me to go crocheting, I'd be like, probably not. I don't even know how to crochet. Like, it's not because I don't, I wouldn't enjoy that. It's like I don't do that. So, like, feel it out a little bit. Don't consider that a rejection. Be like, oh, do you crochet? No, I have no idea how to crochet. Oh, okay, I didn't know. So those are some things to think about. And again, spend some time at figuring out things to do. Have some have some ideas when you're gonna talk to somebody about what to do.

21:41 Jennifer: And and they're just small steps, you know, the momentum builds as you guys get together and you start doing things that you like or finding things or, you know, coming up with how was your like Jackie and I are every time before we start podcasting, I know from the week before I talked to her what she was doing this weekend. So I'm like the first thing we talk about before we Even podcasts, it's like, okay, so what happened? What'd you guys do? Did you have fun? Or whatever. So that we're catching up.

22:05 Jennifer: So once you start having some of this history with somebody, that's the first thing you ask. So how was your daughter's grand, you know, your daughter's birthday party or your granddaughter's birthday party or whatever it is? Like remember things about people because then that always makes people feel like, oh, I mattered, like you listened to me. So I think that's important too to kind of keep track of where this conversation goes and what you guys are doing and to catch up from the last time if you're gonna have another meeting and ask some questions about what they did because I feel like that makes people feel like you saw them and you were you paid attention to it.

22:37 Jennifer: Don't you think, Jack, if if you're gonna meet somebody up for the second time? And I wanted you to talk, Jackie, because you're you're particular. My husband is an introvert. We've talked about it. If you don't haven't heard, you can listen to any of our podcasts. My husband doesn't talk to anybody, he doesn't even talk to me. So there's not this like friend connection off my husband's friends, although he has one friend here and I'm friends with his wife. That you, Jackie, have a whole different story because your husband's very you two are very social, and your husband, some when you met your husband, he had a whole set of friends, and some of that connection too that you had with their wife, that's an open opportunity as well, don't you think?

23:12 Jackie: Yeah, definitely. Because we do a lot together, like camping and stuff like that. Yeah, I guess just getting to know them. And there was some I could do without, and there were some that are still friends. I'm still friends with. Right. But just getting to know them slowly. It's nice because camping you can gotta go back to your trailer and stuff too. Right. But uh then when you're all together, when you're out riding, right? Just get to know people.

23:35 Jennifer: Right. You start sharing the common bond, right? Though like you went writing, like how was your ride, my ride, or whatever. The other thing you guys do too is you play a lot of games. She was just talking about a friend, she went to a girlfriend of ours this weekend, and there's a new game she found and she's just ordered her. Send it to me, yeah, so that I can order it too, so we can play games. Because game playing is always fun too. If you can find something you like to do, we just talked about bingo, but anything that you can kind of find that's kind of games.

23:59 Jennifer: What's that whether everybody does bunk bonko? Bonko? Have you played that?

24:03 Jackie: Oh, yeah, a lot of women do the bunko. I've done that a few times, but usually I think the groups I've got invited to, I d I didn't know many people. I guess when I lived in the mountains, I knew more people when I'd get more of a substitute because I'm not gonna do it every month or whatever every month, and then eight every changes. I don't want to do that in my house. Right. Nothing against that. I love having gatherings and stuff, but I want to know everybody that's coming to my house. Check it likes to prevent.

24:27 Jackie: I don't like to sound like snobby or something. If I'm gonna entertain, it's gonna be like all my friends, not like Sue's ten friends that are in Bunko. Right.

24:38 Jennifer: Bunko's a is a great way to do it, I think, because if you don't have any, if you don't know anybody, at least you're going somewhere and you have something to do. There's a time frame, which I said is a good important thing to have a time in and time out.

24:49 Jackie: You're gonna feel like just do a substitute, don't be part of the group, because if you're not ready to start having them at your house, then don't do it. Oh, so if you can't do it, just be a substitute. You can be a substitute, and then you just go to wherever they like if somebody can't show up, then they have you come.

25:02 Jennifer: Right. Yeah, that's best. Women's houses or something. That's a great way too, girls. Bunko is another thing. Like walking groups. I know there's a ton of walking groups that you can join around you.

25:12 Jackie: Go everywhere. Yeah. Facebook. You know what else is big too? Is uh pickleball. Pickleball, yeah. If you have a lot of energy, pickleball, there's a lot of pickleball um courts and groups now. Like we even have one here.

25:23 Jennifer: Well, like Shell, she admit means a lot of her friends, or at least a lot of friends when she moved to Corona and Jazercise. So there's another thing. I know she still does it. I know her friends still do it. So that's another way was joder size, get in some exercise groups, you know, like cooking classes. Coffee houses are nice, find one that isn't maybe like Starbucks. I would look for something a little more personal than that. Um we can go find some things that you can do together. My sister and I one time went to a farm, a petting farm for the day.

25:52 Jennifer: And you could get a glass of wine and walk around and pet animals. My sister and I were in heaven because I love animals, but it was something that gave us something to do. We talked about the animals. Obviously, it was my sister's, it wasn't that uncomfortable, but like we could sit with the cows and we can walk over to the pigs and the chickens and the rescue llamas and all the things that were there. Lots of things to talk about, lots of things to do. We're in a safe environment, we can walk around.

26:14 Jennifer: So that's another thing that I would, you know, encourage somebody to do. Something something like that would be good too. We're just throwing out ideas, y'all, so that you can sort of kind of come up with something you feel comfortable with. You can start maybe looking for places that would be fun. And then it gives you uh if you do meet somebody, it gives you a great line like, Hey, I'm I'm gonna be doing it this Friday. Do you wanna go? You know, inviting people to do something and do you want to join me?

26:37 Jennifer: I mean, and if they say no, then you don't even have to go, but at least putting out the kind of seeing what they like to do. Yeah.

26:47 Jackie: So you don't ask.

26:49 Jennifer: So just kind of come up with a plan. This is the time where you're dipping the toes in, and it doesn't have to be a perfect match. You can definitely go have a coffee with somebody and think, nope, that's not really the person for me. Like that person, they're nice. So again, if you do the work ahead of time, you're gonna know what you're kind of looking for and what's important to you, and you're not going to just walk into, well, I'll try to be your friend. I mean, I'll try to crochet. It's probably not gonna happen.

27:11 Jennifer: I'm I don't have the time to crochet. I'm not that talented and I'm not that coordinated. So I probably wouldn't want to do it. So know your space, know your things, know what you like to do. And success isn't about how many friends you have, it's about how safe you feel with the ones you keep. And it's okay if this takes time. So it's going to take time. Don't rush it. Let things happen. And this is the first step. Find a place, girls. Okay. If this episode hit you in the fields or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

27:39 Jackie: Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

27:42 Jennifer: And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinstoneweddingchapel.com.

27:47 Jackie: Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

28:03 SPEAKER_01: We stick together, ride or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. The reuniting's like we never been apart, and every single time we're either eye and heart a heart.

28:30 Song: There's not enough words to describe what you made a make. The buttons and ups and downs and just like you stayed right next to me. I'll make you laugh to cry. Look at everything under the definition of a bit.

29:19 SPEAKER_01: We write in a toy, everything will be put your battery.

30:24 Song: Trust loyalty, you and me love trust. That says loyalty, you and me.