What Healthy Female Friendship Really Looks Like | Best Friends, Bestie Energy & Lifelong Connection

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Jackie. Welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimonious ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

0:11 Jackie: This podcast is all about friendship. The deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh till you snort stuff.

0:15 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your carvist in peace and quiet, we're so glad you're here.

0:20 Jackie: Let's get slightly unsupervised. Today's episode is a little different because we're turning the microphone on ourselves. Jennifer and I have talked about friendship from every angle imaginable. Breakups, boundaries, loyalty, social media, soulmates. But today we're asking a different question. Why do people tell us they love listening to us? It's because people don't just hear us talking about friendship. They hear our friendship. So today we're pulling back the curtain and talking about what we've learned from each other over the years, what keeps us connected, and what we hope people listening can take into their own friendships.

0:52 Jennifer: Yes, so super fun when this is this is a thing that Jackie and I's podcast really wants, really hits on is not so much about what we talk about, although we talk about a lot of things and we try to give some useful information just because we're talking, but it's really a good place to come listen to how best friends interact with each other, right? Our story is special. We have best friends, we were ride or dice, we were not friends, we are friends again, we're best friends again after 15 years, after life got a hold of us, changed our lives, and then we got back together.

1:26 Jennifer: So what you and I have is in particularly more special only because we had it, we lost it, we regained it, we're back. And our chemistry of being best friends really can help other people understand, Jackie, about what best how best friends interact and how that is. And if you listen to enough of our podcasts, you'll hear us say repetitively some things about things not to do and things to do to be a best friend. But this is how best friends interact with each other. And that can be a really big, huge lesson for so many of you that may be struggling to make friends or to have a best friend.

2:03 Jennifer: We don't compete for attention. I will say this in this instance that in the podcasting world, and it's different in life because when we're together, it's different. But in the podcasting world, we balance each other because Jackie doesn't want to talk as much.

2:17 Jackie: Obviously, if you listen to us, you can tell that you've heard.

2:21 Jennifer: Yeah, but she makes that clear. How many times, Jackie, have I been like, okay, Jack, are you ready to jump in? You lead and I'll follow. And you're like, no, uh happening.

2:29 Jackie: And you can't see me, but I shake my head to Jen in the computer. You got this girl, you got this.

2:35 Jennifer: Yes.

2:35 Jackie: So Jen's a much better speaker than I am.

2:38 Jennifer: I don't know if I'm a better speaker, but I just talk and you know, we move on. So it is kind of uh it's a balancing act. Even in that, even when I lead, when you follow, is a is a is a respect of friendship, right? It's about okay, I'll pick up the slack, you go ahead, you do you, and I'll pick up the slack for you today. And not today, but in general. But that's not always how it is, right? Sometimes it's the other way around when we're maybe not podcasting and we're in an environment where I'm like, I'm not comfortable.

3:10 Jennifer: Jackie will tell you.

3:11 Jackie: I mean when we're around people.

3:13 unknown: Yeah.

3:13 Jennifer: Or just in general, like you know them or whatever, like you lead and I follow, right?

3:18 Jackie: Yeah, when we're at the card table in Vegas, I make lots of friends. Jen just sits over and sits on her phone. Not just off her phone because the dealers keep telling her that she won't listen.

3:31 Jennifer: Yeah. That's entirely true. I was blocking the environment to keep the girl uh girl table together at some point. So I'm, you know, I do my part. But it's true in her in that instance, Jackie's lead and I'm follow. And I'm okay with it because that's her environment. She likes it and she knows it and she enjoys it. And I'm not as enjoyed in that situation. So that's the balance, right? I talk more in podcasting, you talk more in life. So it's that the part of this is that what is this friendship teaching you?

4:01 Jennifer: Well, the first lesson is find out, don't be afraid to take over or to lead when the other one doesn't want to or doesn't feel comfortable in it.

4:09 Jackie: Find out where your strength spills are.

4:11 Jennifer: Yes. And lean into them, right? So we lean into each other. In the world of business, Jackie and I do best money together, we've done things. She leans into my knowledge of the business side of it more than than she would lean into her own side. And I lean more into her side of feed all these people and get all this stuff organized for me. Because that's the lead, right? I don't try to be like, I'll do that, I'll do that. Like, I'm like, girl, what you want to do? You do that.

4:38 Jackie: Girl, I'll take over and I'm like, I'll be happy to. I can do all this.

4:42 Jennifer: But that's a part of it, right? Don't you think that that's how can I help? Yes, where can I help? So and give each other space, you know. Chucky and I have these conversations every week, and we listen to each other and we we don't always agree on everything. I don't think agreeing is a part of friendship that needs to happen. But you are gonna hear us disagree and then be okay with it, right? Yeah, it's not like some crises of my ego has just been flared up because you don't agree with everything I've ever said, Jackie.

5:13 Jennifer: Like it's an impossibility to even assume that that's gonna happen in a friendship. You disagree. Like, what's a good disagreement we've had that you think would be a good example in this that we could bring up on this that power washing the the chapel.

5:27 Jackie: Oh, the chapel. But I did it. I did it. That wasn't my first choice of something to do. I know. And I don't think I complained at all. You didn't?

5:37 Jennifer: You didn't, and you parted.

5:38 Jackie: And then then I got then I got serious. I like, we gotta get all this green algae off her. Then I got serious and like couldn't stop.

5:45 Jennifer: So I know you have no idea what we're talking about, but she just came out to help me in Nashville, and I had a list of things we had to do. She definitely grabbed the stain and power wash with me, but she was not was not her favorite day.

6:00 Jackie: It turned out fine though. I was fine with it. I did it. I did it. It's good.

6:03 Jennifer: I'm like, what'd you get it? See, it's whiter. Because she's like, it's white. What is the problem? I'm like, no, but it's got dirt on it. So we gotta get it off. So but the brill problem was the sidewalk, right? The sidewalk had algae on it.

6:14 Jackie: So Jackie. So then I then I get all into it when I start seeing it clean and then I go dung haul.

6:19 Jennifer: You gotta know your best friend's strengths and weaknesses. I knew when she saw that it was cleaner, she'd be like, we need to clean this thing.

6:25 Jackie: Now we gotta get going on this. We gotta get this done today.

6:29 Jennifer: My friends, this is what we're talking about. Know your best friend and know their strengths and their their weaknesses and what you will entice them to do. She sells me on store, she sells me all the time on stuff. Don't think this is a one-sided friendship. Like, Jackie's a salesman over there, and she'll sell me on something. I'll be like, what? What are we doing? And you're like, Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be the greatest thing ever. Like, you're like, do that, and then you do it and you're fine.

6:52 Jennifer: So, anyways, the friendship needs to be adaptable. Again, we were just talking about that. Pay attention on what somebody needs, and basically you adapt to that person. And you know, their strengths are your strengths when you're together and their weaknesses, you can be their strength for their weaknesses. We we're doing that all the time. And the one thing, Jackie and I always say, We don't, we hope you don't hear it, because I don't think we do it, is compete. Lord, dear Lord, don't do that with your friends, please.

7:19 Jennifer: You're not gonna hear us do it. You just not. We might have a different story, we might have a different thought on it, we might, but it's not a nobody wins. I don't win if you lose. I lose too. That's how I feel. Don't you and your friends?

7:33 Jackie: Definitely. I don't I don't compete. I don't like to compete.

7:36 Jennifer: No. Don't compete with your money, don't compete with your relationships, don't compete with your family. Just celebrate them. This is a good one, Jack. When we were kids, remember this? You got a car. I didn't get a car, I didn't have a car.

7:50 Jackie: We had a car because I always think about like you had a car, because you always had like had that's so funny. Because when you say it, it's like I always think about like you had a car.

7:59 Jennifer: No, isn't that funny?

8:01 Jackie: That's how we didn't compete. I like always think that you like had you got a car too.

8:05 Jennifer: I know. But I did. When you got a car, I got a car. We got a car, that was our car.

8:13 Jackie: Isn't that that's then when I got the second car? Remember when I got the second one? That was a better car, no, dark visioning it. And I was joking with you, remember and with my dad, and I was like, I'm gonna make my make Jen think I got a piece of crap. Like you guys got me this because they got me a brand new car, remember? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, uh POS was the word we were using. Yeah. And then remember my dad was playing it in the background. He's like, I can take that car back if you don't like it.

8:35 Jackie: Remember all that? And then I drive up this brand new car.

8:38 Jennifer: So that that is a classic example of best friendship, right? Like we didn't, I didn't have a car, you had a car. When you got your car, then we had a car. Like, it's that's such a beautiful way to really accentuate what what we're saying here is like what your wins are, my wins are, right? I got new clothes, Jackie had new clothes. Like, yeah, that's how it was. If I got something, you got something. If you got something, I got something. So again, this compete thing is such a killer for being really good friends and please leave it out.

9:14 Jennifer: Um, and you know, when you celebrate it, like celebrate it. When Jackie got a new car, I was stoked. I was not mad, I was not competitive. I was like, I'm never gonna get a new car. So this is the greatest thing ever. And fight for each other. Don't fight each other, but fight for each other. And you and I are super good at that. I think that we would if I walked into a room and people were coming for me, Jackie would stand up.

9:37 Jackie: Be all over it.

9:38 Jennifer: Yeah.

9:38 Jackie: Oh, yeah, I'd be all over it.

9:39 Jennifer: Yeah. And I hope that you would find you would think that with me too. Like we're not going to go.

9:43 Jackie: Oh, yeah, definitely. My radar would be up. Right.

9:47 Jennifer: Right. Because you're not, and we we talk about this all the time, Jackie. We are not always right in the circumstances. We've been in circumstances and we get our asses in trouble. The other one stands up, gets them out of the environment, and then goes, I'm not sure you're right in that.

10:00 Jackie: But we did not do it in front of the other people. It's like it's it's like parents, you know, like they need to support each other and do the same thing with their children. You know, it's that's how you learn. Like you don't you you might not be able to agree with what the other parents are saying, but you go, you don't tell them to go to the other room after you've already talked to the kids and you go, Yeah, I don't really think you should got so upset about that. Right.

10:21 Jennifer: Right. Exactly. And we do that, but we fight for each other. I think people know that about us, right? I think people know that. Oh yeah. Yeah.

10:29 Jackie: A lot of people. If you ask people from high school too, they would always put us together. Like the other one was always there for the other one.

10:36 Jennifer: Right. So a really just a really beautiful thing to have in a friendship is to fight for each other. And we we don't have an instance on here to really fight for each other, but I guarantee you if you were somewhere with us and something happened, you would see it and you would understand that it's a vital part of being a best friend is that there's a safety in that, there's a comfort in that, and there's a understanding that I'm not in this, I'm not I'm not alone on this planet when we're together.

11:04 Jennifer: We're together. So we'll fight. I, you know, I think that your husband probably senses that when he's with us. You know what I mean? Or my it's like I'm not gonna mess with those two right now. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

11:18 Jackie: So that's I call you on money matters, remember when I got all this money? I when we're giving me all this money that I could invest my own little play money, remember?

11:26 Jennifer: Yeah. You're like, Wish I do.

11:29 Jackie: You guys make fun of me on how I invest my money because you guys invest yours all different. You and my husband.

11:34 Jennifer: I know.

11:35 Jackie: That's her play money, and I'm like, leave me alone. I like it. I make money on my money, and that's all that matters.

11:40 Jennifer: That's right. And she didn't want to go to her husband for it. She's like, Wish I do. And I'm like, oh, well, this is what we should do.

11:44 Jackie: And this is And I went to Jen because I know Jen's good with her money.

11:49 Jennifer: There you go. That's beautiful. And then grace over perfection. We have disappointed each other, we have misunderstood each other, we've hurt each other's feelings, and we've forgiven each other every time. Yep. Every time. Again.

12:01 Jackie: It doesn't last long, even if it does happen.

12:04 Jennifer: No. Again, if it's your best friend, you have things you need to discuss with them, and we can't really worry about that. That was yesterday, and you know. So you know, and we can't be perfect all the time. And you have to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive, because forgiving is where grace comes, and where grace comes is where you can build a trust with somebody. So it's important to do. So give grace over perfection. And if you disagree, it it doesn't have to become a breakup. We have had a breakup.

12:33 Jennifer: So we're telling you, as two humans that are best friends and have had a breakup, whatever the breakup was from, is a way. It's a I lost 15 years of your life with you. I'll always regret that, Jackie, because I don't know, I didn't know you during that time. And all the things that we we could have had so many other great stories and we didn't have them. So we're a good person to tell you. When we say let the disagreement go, we're telling you this from a place of knowing, right? Let go, eat some crow sometimes and move on and keep your friend.

13:04 Jennifer: Whatever his situation was, the situation, it will matter not. Well mat nothing of it matters. And last and most important thing maybe is that we laugh a lot, Jack. Oh yeah. A lot. A lot. A lot when we're together about you know, we give me the Starbucks line dying laughing, and you know, we've gotta pull it together because I gotta pay my bill or whatever. Because we're we talk and we don't we don't we find ourselves in such an environment that makes us feel so joyful and so relaxed and so understood that we're able to just laugh and have a good time and get it out.

13:40 Jennifer: And you gotta laugh with your besties. I don't know any bestie that doesn't have that. I mean, that's gotta be part of it, right? Like freedom. The freedom and then humor and the inside jokes. Those those in themselves.

13:53 Jackie: We can't we finish it, we can't even finish a sentence sometimes and we start laughing. I'm telling you. It it disturbs people because they have no idea what we're talking about. We just start laughing, and they're like, What just happened? You just never mind. You just don't know. Well, you can't even go back. We can't even finish the sentence because we can't stop laughing. But we both know what we're talking about. I know. And we both it'll remind us of something that people like look at each other the same thing.

14:24 Jennifer: Yeah, and then we're like, die laughing. We're like, oh my god, you know, or something.

14:29 Jackie: And we both know what it's reminding us of.

14:31 Jennifer: Yeah, exactly. So um it just makes your life lighter, and y'all need to laugh. And if you listen to us on our podcast, what we're saying here is like this friendship is real. We're not fabricating anything. We say things we shouldn't say, and we laugh at things we shouldn't laugh at, and all the things that would make us inappropriate in general public is live. We're live. We're we're giving you it all. We're you want to hear what a best friendship sounds like in real time, listen to our podcast because we are 100% genuine in what we're doing here.

15:04 Jennifer: So all right, Jackie, let's go to bestie rap questions. You go first.

15:07 Jackie: Okay. When do you feel safest with me?

15:09 Jennifer: When I'm with you.

15:10 Jackie: I say always.

15:11 Jennifer: Yeah. When I'm with you in a in the environment of wherever we're gonna be, whatever we're gonna do, like safest. Like that's 100%. I know whatever the world has to throw at us, we're gonna tackle it and it's gonna get resolved the way we want it to get resolved. So okay. What's one thing about our friendship you'll never take for granted?

15:29 Jackie: Well, I couldn't put just one thing, but consistency, showing up, listens, reliable, absolute safety.

15:34 Jennifer: We we learned that guy. Mm-hmm. We learned that because we lost each other. So what we'll never take for granted again is this for me is this connection. It doesn't happen with everybody and it doesn't happen all the time, and you're not gonna get it every time with every person. And what you and I have as far as like connection, I'll never take that for granted again. Nobody gets to screw that up again. Never. Like going down, boy, going down if you get in the middle of it.

16:02 Jackie: So we're just young, so I don't think anybody would even try at this time.

16:06 Jennifer: I don't think so either.

16:08 Jackie: What have I taught you about being a bitter friend?

16:11 Jennifer: I think when we were younger, you were so fierce, like truly fierce, probably the fiercest person I knew about protecting me. Not that my other friends didn't protect me, but you protected me in a way that would it just it was a safety net of like, wow, this person really is serious. And Jackie was fierce. Don't don't get it wrong. Like, if you went back and talked to people who don't know her now or knew her then, they would tell you a story about how fierce she was. Like you just didn't screw around with her because she was that fierce.

16:41 Jennifer: And so um I think that what you taught me was to be fierce in my friendships and to stand up and I don't care if I piss everybody off. You didn't care. You just did it. So that made me a better friend. Oh thank you. You're welcome. All right, what's one thing you hope never changes about us?

17:00 Jackie: Unconditional acceptance.

17:01 Jennifer: Yeah, me too.

17:02 Jackie: Me too.

17:03 Jennifer: I don't think it would.

17:05 Jackie: No.

17:08 Jackie: Yeah.

17:09 Jennifer: Like again, we've lost it, we know we have it back. We're not screwing around with it anymore, guys. So no. It's just a good lesson. Okay, if someone could learn only one thing from our friendship, what would you hope it would be?

17:21 Jackie: Everything. Closeness, sisterly love.

17:23 Jennifer: Yeah.

17:25 unknown: Yeah.

17:26 Jackie: Love.

17:26 Jennifer: How to how to how to interact with each other, how to support each other, how to love each other, how to defend each other, how to do all the things that make you my best friend. Like learn from us because we have so much to teach, especially to the younger generations, the ones behind us. I would hope that the one thing that we can teach you in this friendship is that it matters more than you think later. I hope. I hope we can bring that to light to so many people. It's so important in what you think is your whole life is revolving around your husband and your kids and all the things that are going on.

18:01 Jennifer: It it's an important part of your life, but it ends. And then there's another part of your life. So one thing I would want is that everybody learns that we you need friends and you need to keep close to your friends. Okay. You know, when people tell us, I wish you had, I wish I had what you two have. I don't think they're wishing for our story. I think they're wishing for what our friendship feels like. Safe, honest, forgiving, supportive. A place where neither person has to be perfect, but just loved.

18:28 Jennifer: There's one thing we'd want you to take away from this episode is this you don't build a lifelong friendship by finding the perfect best friend. You build it by becoming one. Every friendship is made up of two imperfect women who choose each other, celebrate each other, and keep showing up even when life gets messy. If this conversation made you think of your person, call her, text her, take her to coffee, and tell her she matters. Because one of life's greatest love stories doesn't come with a marriage license.

18:53 Jackie: If you enjoyed today's episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your write or die best friend.

18:59 Jennifer: Want to see some of our incredible friendships we've celebrated? Visit our Bestimony YouTube channel where women from all over the country share their stories of friendship that changed their lives.

19:08 Jackie: And if one day you'd like to celebrate your own friendships, we'd love to welcome you to Nashville.

19:14 Jennifer: Until next time, keep showing up, keep cheering each other on, and keep celebrating the women who make life better. We'll see you next time on Slightly Unsupervised.

19:36 Song: We stick together eye or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. The reuniting's like we've never been apart, and every single time we're eye to eye on heart to heart.