Making Friends Later in Life Series | Episode 2: Your Social Energy Style — Why Friendship Feels Draining (or Lonely)

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer.

0:01 Jackie: And I'm Jackie.

0:02 Jennifer: And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised, where best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

0:11 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy. The deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff.

0:16 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company. Let's get slightly unsupervised. Welcome back, everybody. We are working on this series, making friends later in life. Um, got inspired by some girls' groups that we're watching on uh Facebook about just different things for best friends, as we have a podcast about best friends and all the things besties. So we sort of got inspired by this by watching some of the um the blogs and seeing that some people are later in life having some trouble making friends.

0:47 Jennifer: So we decided to do a series on this. So this is our second episode in our series: your social energy style, why friendship feels draining or lonely. If you're just joining us, this is a part of a new series we're doing on making friends later in life. We want to say this clearly before we go any further. This series is not about fixing you, it's about understanding you.

1:07 Jackie: So many women are trying to jump straight to making friends without stopping to ask why connection feels so hard now. And what we're what we're doing in these first episodes is slowing that process way down.

1:17 Jennifer: Because before you could figure out who you want to be friends with, you have to understand how you actually move through the world, how you get energy, how you lose it, and what kind of connection feels safe to you.

1:28 Jackie: Yep. This is the work on you part of friendship, not the how to meet people part yet.

1:33 Jennifer: Absolutely. So, energy, we're talking today about energy styles, and we want to get full disclosure on this because I think the first thing you need to understand about Jackie and I is our energy style. Just because it's how we move through life, it's how we make friends. We obviously are best friends. We have a group of five best friends. I would say that for the most part, and if you don't know anything about energy styles, there's three basic ones, right? We should start with that, I guess. Introvert is somebody who likes to recharge alone and is very peaceful by themselves a lot.

2:07 Jennifer: Um, they they do need recovery time after they socialize. Like you can't just back to back to back to back. There are these people that can, you know, once in a while get in the social energy, but they really prefer sort of more of a deep and intentional connection with somebody. Then there's the extrovert. Uh Jackie and I probably in our younger years were a lot of extroverting, pretty social, loved being around a bunch of people. We grew up in a kind of a small town. It was, I don't, there was just a ton of us that way, don't you think?

2:34 Jennifer: I don't know if it's because it was so small and we were that was our only outlet, but we did a lot of socializing in the 80s when we were in high school, and it was pretty prevalent. Even the friends that, you know, we had I had friends outside of my group of friends on that mountain, which we were friends with, and you know what I'm talking about. I have some friends in Orange County. They were that way too. Like everybody was out and about.

2:58 Jackie: We we weren't staying home like our kids do now.

3:01 Jennifer: We were.

3:01 Jackie: I mean we wanted to be gone all the time.

3:04 Jennifer: All the time. So the more time with your friends, the better.

3:08 Jackie: And you just went home and did what you have to do if you got it, chores, you gotta do your chores just so you can get the heck out and go make up your friends because you needed that energy.

3:16 Jennifer: That energy, yeah. It was like a pull to it. So extroverts recharge with people. It's like the more they're around people, the the more they're happy with that. Their energy is gets with other people and it and you know, sort of makes them feel better. They process emotions out loud, they start to talk about everything, and they get energized by activity and interaction. And I would say for sure, 100% we grew up in an environment and it may have just been the times, but I think we were all extroverts in that mountain.

3:44 Jennifer: We spent a lot of time together. I don't know of any introverts. I'm not saying there wasn't any because there probably was, but we just didn't hang out with them because they weren't hanging out with them.

3:55 Jackie: If we weren't coming out, we weren't hanging with them.

3:59 Jennifer: Yeah. So maybe all social people found each other and definitely hung out with each other. And then there's the in-between, the ambivert, which is the in-between that shifts depending on the situation or season, needs both connection and solitude, and often um is misunderstood as inconsistent. So you can see that could be a problem if you're an ambivert, because people are like, What? You wanted to go out last week, now you just want to stay home. Where's it's not consistent? And I would say that in as we've aged and we're older now, Jack, that we're probably in that category now.

4:30 Jennifer: We're ambivalts.

4:31 Jackie: I don't, yeah, maybe. I'd say we started with extrovert, then to introvert, and could be ambivert. Yeah. Does that work? Because I like to read charge alone sometimes. I'm serious. Sometimes I'm like, be by myself.

4:45 Jennifer: I think that's what ambivert is, though. It's the need sometime by themselves, but then can also be social when it needs to be. So I think that's where the introverts, I'm gonna tell you this because my husband's an introvert, 100%. His daughter's an aunt, you know, like they need to be alone. They enjoy alone time, they spend their time alone, they're happy with that. If you don't talk to them for a month, they don't really care. They're just like, you know, they don't need it. They don't need the social interaction.

5:12 Jennifer: In fact, this is a great example of this because my I just we just did Christmas, as you know. I know you had a huge Christmas situation at your house, but I had Christmas Eve at my house. I always host it. It's a party. We play games, we drink, we have fun. It's just kind of like a full day. My family comes over. And we actually started early this year because my nephew's married and his wife's family was going to be doing something at like 5 30s. Everybody came over to my house at noon, which is an early start on Christmas Eve, right?

5:41 Jennifer: I don't know what time everybody came to your house. I know you had a big Christmas Eve thing too. What time did you? Around noon at one. Noon and one. So it started early.

5:48 Jackie: But they say to stay later.

5:50 Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah.

5:52 Jackie: Well, Santa didn't even get here until 6 30.

5:55 Jennifer: Oh, okay. So you had a full day of it. So did we. But um, what did my husband do? I'm gonna tell you what my husband did because it's funny. Because my family comes over. We're, you know, I'm not saying everybody in my family is an extrovert because they're not. A lot of them are in between, most of them, some of them are introverts. But when we get together, we're all sort of in our own energy. It's our family, it's safe, whatever. We would lean in the extroverted world just in that situation. But my husband is the introvert.

6:21 Jennifer: And guess what my husband did the entire time we were out playing games and drinking and having a good time? He was in his office working. Does he need to? No, they're not even open. Not even the business was not open that day. But my husband, to avoid that situation, goes into his office and goes to work because it's safe for him, right? It's like uh I can't deal with all these people and all this energy. And he knows I I like it and it's important in my world, and he definitely respects that, but he hides and he does it in the next day at Christmas.

6:55 Jennifer: He works in the kitchen with my stepmom making whatever, like I'm out socializing, talking to everybody, and he's hiding. And that's you know, it's just the way it is. So I get this extrovert, introvert problem because it's very apparent. And do you remember, Jack, when we did Bestimonies? I was just thinking about those. Do you remember when we did the Bestimonies? Um, there was always best friends that, you know, we didn't know them. We kind of got to know them the day we did the filming. Do you remember there always being an introvert and an extrovert kind of together?

7:25 Jennifer: Definitely. There was always one that was like, I got dragged here today. Yep. And there was the one that was like signed up for the cool. Like they're like, I don't even know what was going on, but I got dragged here today because the one extrovert saw the ad and wanted to do it. And the introvert best friend was willing to do that with them to make them happy or whatever, but it was always like one dragging the other.

7:52 Jackie: There was one scared of her. There was one scared that didn't know what she was being dragged to, so she made sure she had something under her seat.

7:59 Jennifer: Oh yes. I remember that. Okay, so there were these two best friends. This is a cute story. Two best friends that came and they lived in Pennsylvania, I think, or something, and they drove in because the one was a cop, um, worked in police force or whatever, the one best friend. And yeah, I don't think either one of those were introverts. I think they were both kind of extroverts, both of them, but the one was so apprehensive about the situation that she drove so she could bring her gun. So that if if it turned in wild.

8:29 Jennifer: Yeah, it's not weird. She had her gun with her.

8:32 Jackie: So um and then she luckily it wasn't, and she they had a great time. They did really well.

8:36 Jennifer: They did. And I still I still actually connect with them. I'm I'm friends with them on Facebook. I don't know if you are or not, but I am very close to them in terms of that situation. So, anyways, those are the three social things. So those are the social energies. So I want to talk about this Christmas again because something happened on Christmas Eve that uh is really good for this. So my family's kind of and my husband's in this office working. And my sister's son makes friends with another kid in this high school, and they're sort of like new family that just moved here.

9:07 Jennifer: So they've gotten really close. My sister's been hanging out with his family and vice versa, because the boys are super close friends. And so my sister invited, we have a policy at my house. If somebody is spending Christmas Eve alone, you're invited to our house. We don't care who you are, we don't care. We've had many people roll through here. We don't spend Christmas Eve alone, or even Christmas. My family's very open about that stuff. So my sister invited him. She did tell me, she just invited some people to the Christmas party, and she told me when she got here, she's like, Oh, um, which is this boy's name.

9:39 Jennifer: His parents are coming. I'm like, oh, okay. And so she's like, so they're gonna be here soon or whatever. So they're coming into a situation where all there's a lot of energy, right? So my family were all like wild, whatever. And they walked in, and immediately I'm like, they're gonna be so much fun. They're like us. Like you can see their energy was the same. Like they walked in, there was a lot of like comfort there immediately. Like, we weren't gonna have to drag them or apologize for the way we behave.

10:08 Jennifer: Like it was just like they jumped right in. They were just like us, they had the best time. We all had such a great time and laughed. And I was just telling that to my sister. I'm like, hey, if you're gonna go out with Aiden's mom again, I wanna go because she was so much fun and the whole family was fun and we had a great time. And it matters. Like in that instance, had somebody walked in here and was an introvert, like my husband, and we're just full of all that energy, it would have been hard for them.

10:38 Jennifer: And it would have been hard for us because we're now trying to, at least me, I'm a caterer to people. I want people to feel comfortable of like, oh, are you okay? Would you like something to eat? Or they just jumped in and it was the energy was matched, and we were, we just went from there on. Like they just were like part of the family. They left, they were like part of the family, were hugging, whatever.

10:56 Jackie: So did Rob get a meet them?

10:58 unknown: I don't know.

10:59 Jennifer: Be honest with you. I don't know if he ever did meet him. Because he was in his office most of the time. Yeah. And um, my, you know, my kids did and everybody else did, but um I don't know if he did. You know, it doesn't matter to him. He's like, I don't care, you know, like um, but it was so great because it was such a good energy match, which goes along with what this episode's about, is that the comfort level for me in particular, because it was my house. So I always feel like as a hostess, it's more my responsibility to make sure everybody is having a good time.

11:32 Jennifer: They're fed. It's like, here's the food, there's the drinks, they brought drinks and food. We added it to the mix, like, free for all. Eat and drink what you like, have a good time. You're here for, you know, as our guest, and they were perfect for that. So, in that case, which is a good lead-in to this, is that the energy type there was flawless and it mattered in that situation, and it could have gone any other way. I'm sure they're maybe not extroverts every day of the week. They're probably like, uh, sometimes they're into it, sometimes they're out of it.

12:01 Jennifer: That's more my speed, that's more my sister's speed, even though she kind of thinks she's wild. She's not really that wild. So it's it was it was a great, it was a great connection and it was definitely added to the to the day, and it made a day go smoother. Have you ever had any situations like Jack, like that, Jack, where you've instantly just like somebody comes in and they're they match your energy and it just felt like You know me.

12:25 Jackie: I match anybody's energy anytime. I have a problem with that. I have a problem when they're just blah. Yeah, introvert. And like not, and I'm not saying like a rob. We just know that that's how Rob is. But yeah, you know, so that doesn't because no. Usually if you got a bad energy, it gets on my nerves. Right. I want that like, come on, talk. Talk. Yeah. Like we just went, okay, so we just were in Arizona with my niece and um met her boyfriend's family all at once. The first time my brother and my sister-in-law were actually meeting their family.

12:58 Jackie: So we went out to dinner. So they were just like, oh yeah, because get Rick and Jackie in there, because they'll be right in there. The dad's telling the stories and Rick's enjoying them because he's from Israel and was served in the army and did all this stuff. Great, great family. But yeah, we ended up being at lunch for probably four hours. Oh my gosh, with all the talking and eating. Yeah, it was nice.

13:18 Jennifer: Because the energies match, right? It was like a easy flood.

13:21 Jackie: Because you know, my everybody, my husband is very friendly. He gets very social. And very at times I have to like tell him to take it down and it's cute though because they don't need our life story all today.

13:34 Jennifer: But it's so great when he gets around with my husband because he's such a talker. My husband's such a quiet guy that like Rick literally talks for both of them the entire time. The rope just like agrees, and he's like, Yeah, oh yeah, great. And like Rick just keeps talking. So I appreciate Rick when I'm with him, to be honest with you, because I'm like, what'd you say? Did you have an opinion about something? Oh my god, let me hear it. So um, but it's this is the this is the part of this thing is that this social energy style matters, and that, you know, you as a person, and we just talked to you about the fact that we had a lot of best friends where one was an extrovert and one was an introvert.

14:11 Jennifer: And I know my sister is more of an introvert. My sister is very like shy and doesn't like to be in the front of anything. I just went to Spain with her. I had to do all the talking, I had to do all this, you know, coordinating. Like she just will be quiet. So I'm kind of the extrovert next to my sister's introvertness, and it balances out because she lets me lead on everything, which you know I like to do, and it's okay with her. Like she enjoys that. But if we got together and we were two leaders and I was like, I only need to lead and you have to follow, we could see how that could be a problem.

14:44 Jennifer: So the energy styles, even though they're different, you have to find one that matches with you. If I was hanging out with my sister's, you know, friends all the time and they want to go out every day, I'd be like, first of all, we're only going out like once every quarter, because that's a lot of energy for me at this point. I'm not going out every night. I'm tired and I'm old. But I will like to pick up on your energy once a quarter, four times a year, let's hang out. Let's go get some drinks, let's go be wild, whatever.

15:12 Jennifer: So, you know, there's that part of it. If if there was going to be an extrovert eat all the time, it'd probably be too much for me. If it were down sometimes and coming back up, that's more my speech. So, this thing about energy styles is important to understand about you because if you are a person that is liking to um be around somebody who doesn't need much, doesn't talk much, doesn't have much to give, and you basically are alone on that island by yourself of just kind of keeping things up between the friendship, then you're probably looking at working with an introvert because introverts are real tend to be a little more ghosting.

15:48 Jennifer: They get overwhelmed by things, they don't need as much interaction. You have to understand that about them. Like they don't need it. And you needing it and putting that on them to fulfill can be a problem. You can see how that could be a problem. Like, I don't really want to be talking to you every day and you need me to talk to you every day or check in or whatever. And you could see how that could be a mismatch, and somebody could feel like, well, you don't care because you don't check in and you don't text me back right away and all those things.

16:19 Jennifer: Well, introverts kind of don't do that. They're kind of, you have to be patient with them. You know what I mean? Like I've had to learn from my husband's perspective that his silence is not a dig at me. His silence is his own recharging. And, you know, if I want to talk to somebody about a situation, I'll call my friends because he just really I think that's kind of why my niece wanted us to be there also for the dinner or that lunch.

16:43 Jackie: Sorry, it was a lunch. Because my brother and my sister-in-law are kind of introverts, they just with themselves. I mean, they live in a compound, we call it. I don't mean it like like bad people. It's just our family all lives on this property all together. Um and they work, but like my when my brother gets home, he doesn't want to do much. Don't go fishing or do little things, and so conversation isn't always as easy for him or her. And my sister-in-law was her introvert kind of she gets very nervous.

17:13 Jennifer: Nervous, yeah.

17:13 Jackie: So she's so with but you put me and Rick in the mix and then we just went a little smooth. Right. Not that they wouldn't do a good job, but you could just see the differences between, like you're saying, how the feeling, the energy, you know, right, right, but the more talking.

17:28 Jennifer: Yeah. I mean, even when you and I hang out with Rob, or anybody hangs out with Rob, I'm I'm always a little bit apprehensive about bringing him to a social interaction that I know is a heavy social intersection because he's so uncomfortable, right? And we can be a lot. And we are together. Yeah, we're a lot. And it also distracts from my ability to be who I am. So I'm worried about what he's doing, how he's interacting, if he's okay. And he's quite okay being by himself, but I am the person that wants to make sure everybody's good.

18:01 Jennifer: So I'm not enjoying myself like I should because I'm worried that he's okay. And so a lot of times I'm like, no, I'm not gonna bring Raw. And y'all are like, okay, like, because you bring your husband. So I'm like, he wants to just be home. That's his social style. His social style is to stay home, let me go do what I want to do, and he will be home because it is his space where he's comfortable. And to drag him into my space sometimes is painful for him and it's painful for me. And so, but I get that about you and Rick because I would definitely jump into any space with the two of you and feel comfortable because I'm not carrying the load.

18:40 Jennifer: Like you guys carry the load with me, which, you know, if I don't have something to say, you know, the awkward silence part, you just jump in with something or Rick talks about something and we're just moving along. So I appreciate that about you guys. And I think everybody in our kind of best friend group is kind of that way too. Like I think some are a little less, I don't know, it depends. So something it just matters what we're doing, yeah. Matters what we're doing, but yeah, the environment, what we're doing.

19:06 Jennifer: Yeah, but everybody's pretty social. I mean, yeah, especially in our environment. We're very social. So, but you know, again, it goes back to I've learned to be a little more introverted. So I would say I'm more of an ambivert now. I like both. I I appreciate sometimes that silence because it doesn't require any energy from me, which you can do. So if you're a friend that likes that, wants a lot of energy, and you find an introvert and they don't give that to you, it's not because they don't they can't.

19:37 Jennifer: It's just their style. They don't so you gotta understand that about people. And if you are a needy person, extroverts are not gonna give you that. Extroverts might, they might be like, hey, wanna go out, want to do this, wanna do that. And you'd be like, Wow, there's a lot of stuff going on in your life. And you could be like, you know, you might be a little too wild for me, but um, it's about finding your style of energy that works for you. Um so we have an on-air self-test, social energy style.

20:02 Jennifer: Um, Jackie and I are gonna ask these questions to each other and explain our answers just so we give everybody kind of a an insight on how these things work. This will also be on the uh underneath where the website is or where the podcast is. We'll put this little test on there so you can kind of look at it or download it or whatever you want to do and kind of think about it yourself, where you're at on this. So here we go, Jackie. After a long week, do you crave people or quiet first?

20:26 Jackie: Matters what the week was on long. If I've been with children watching grandchildren all week, then I probably want quiet.

20:34 SPEAKER_01: Right.

20:35 Jackie: And if I'm just working and I'm like like working on my work for you, that I'm on the computer, I'm just by myself, then I then I probably want people around. I crave people.

20:44 Jennifer: Right. Yeah. Which that that and I would say 100% the same with me. It's like if my work with my work week was busy, then I want some quiet. If it wasn't busy, I'm bored, I need some energy. So it goes either way for us, I think. And I'm definitely the same. And both are important to me now. It's you know, if you had too much, too much downtime when I was a kid, I wasn't happy. But now I can appreciate it more. So I'm definitely okay.

21:09 Jackie: So how many social plans a week feels good? Not impressive, but sustainable. What's social plans? Yeah, I know. Cause I feel like we've been doing it, you know, because um, like I had a son that was sick for Christmas Eve, so he couldn't come. So we made another day to see him, but then we're not gonna be our daughter's not gonna be around for her birthday, so we want to do that. So let's like daily we're on our days off doing stuff, you know, and then around people, it was just like, okay, and we have one more weekend.

21:36 Jackie: We have a baby shower for my youngest this weekend, Saturday. But the next weekend, my husband's like, Do we have anything that weekend? And I said, No, and we're doing nothing, no plans, nothing. Because then the next week we take optoglama. So that's just gonna be a whole nother thing.

21:50 Jennifer: Right, right. Back to social.

21:52 Jackie: So I need I need my quiet before my phone and then quiet after.

21:56 Jennifer: Yeah. We've learned. As you get older, I would say most people. People listening to this are probably gonna identify as ambivert unless you really just don't like social unless you really don't like to be down, have any downtime. Those are your two other extremes, but I think most people are. Okay, so do you ever feel closer to people through conversation or shared activity? What do you feel closer to people with?

22:17 Jackie: Another one, I'd I'd say both. It just matters.

22:20 Jennifer: Yeah.

22:20 Jackie: I like doing activity and I like just sitting and talking sometimes.

22:24 Jennifer: I think when you start a friendship though, I'm gonna be honest with you, conversations are good, but they come with time. And so I think what you need to do is to find some kind of shared activity is a great place to start because when you're doing something you both like to do, then the conversation should flow. You cannot, if you're gonna make friends with somebody, I don't suggest you call them up and say, let's sit down and just talk, because you don't have enough history together.

22:50 Jackie: That's why I meet people at the casinos at the tables when we go to Vegas. Yes. I can walk away with with their phone numbers and hey, we're gonna meet up.

22:59 Jennifer: That's because I shared that activity first. Because the activity had us something, something to talk about, right? The activity was the shared commonality. And then from there we start talking about where do you live? Where do you live? Yeah, you know, are you married? Are you not? So all that stuff kind of comes. So I would say if you're gonna go out and make an appointment to talk to somebody, don't do something that is kind of something you guys could be talking about and doing at the same time.

23:23 Jennifer: I've talked about this before. I have a friend that was my my stepdaughter's ex-boyfriend's mom. We're good friends. And we went to whine and paint. Like we did that. They gave us like a Christmas gift. And so we didn't really know each other. We met at the whine and paint thing, and we got along famously, but we were also whining and painting and laughing. And so it kind of gave us a shared activity, kind of brought us together, which is what happened there. So, anyways, all right, Jack, you go.

23:48 Jennifer: When you feel overwhelmed, do you pull inward or reach outward? Inward, I would say for me.

23:52 SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.

23:53 Jennifer: It's a childhood thing though. Like having to solve our own problems when we were children. When I feel overwhelmed, it's like regrouped in internally. I can't, I'm not going out to everybody with a broadcast. Hey, okay, I feel, you know, I'm like, I'll solve it myself, and when I've solved it, then I'll move on.

24:09 Jackie: Mm-hmm. True. You say that about you? Yep, definitely.

24:14 Jennifer: How do you feel about last minute plans? Energized or anxious?

24:18 Jackie: I could do either. You could. I could be energized because I'm not having to like think about it and plan it.

24:23 Jennifer: Right.

24:24 Jackie: But then I could get anxious because I'm like, I don't have time to get things ready to do this.

24:30 SPEAKER_01: Check like some made to some degree.

24:33 Jackie: Everything like very organized. Like to the, you know, to the second. Like that's how I plan things out. And I'm getting better. I'm getting better to do more me, me, me, me too. I'm trying. Like, hey, everything doesn't need to be done. Don't worry about it. Like stepping back and letting my son and his wife do my most of this baby shower. And I'm just helping out and, you know, just paying for things. But right, you know, but but letting them do it, it's been hard because I want to plan it out.

25:02 Jennifer: Right. You want to make sure it goes seamlessly, and you're having to step out of that thing and be like, well, they've asked you to do what you're gonna do, what you've done. And what happens now will happen. I mean, you've you know, you've haven't been asked to make sure the thing goes well. You've just been asked to contribute what you're doing. So yeah.

25:19 Jackie: Well, like they're asking for things like oh, we need another lemonade, like mason giant jar. Okay, okay. Wait, how many more days do we have left? We gotta make sure we have all this stuff.

25:27 Jennifer: Right. Too bad you don't live near me. I got loads of that stuff. You can have a full party of all the crap I've got. So yeah, I would say that too. I would say that if I'm wanting to be social and I get a last minute plan, I'm energized. If I am in my pajamas and ready to go to bed and I plan my night out and you want to go out last minute, no, I don't think so.

25:49 Jackie: I didn't want to take my pajamas off. I know exactly. All right, you go, Jack. Okay. Unless you're going to Walmart and you can, you know. You can do whatever. You can do whatever. Do you need recovery time after socializing, even with people you love? Yes.

26:01 Jennifer: Yeah. But it could be in groups, right? So if we have a weekend together, let's say we're together Friday, Saturday, and I go home Sunday. Friday to Saturday, I'm fine. But Sunday I'm driving home, I need my quiet time, right? It's like the the amount of time that we need, it's not like Friday night we go out and I need to be all day Saturday quiet to myself. Like I like the next day we're picking up, we're going to lake, we're doing whatever. I'm still socializing, I'm still good. I know that Sunday's the day I go home or whatever.

26:26 Jennifer: I'm just kind of going off, you know, what we used to do. Sunday I'm driving home, it's quiet. I get it. So I would say yes, as long as the time of socializing is set, then you know that's that whole time you're up and you're socializing and then you're down. So then you're yeah. Yeah. I think you you're recouping. You're recouping after it. Yeah. So there is a downtime. Okay. What kind of social interaction drains you the fastest?

26:49 Jackie: So reunions. Yeah. So reunions. And not just that, just but how people act. So I think it's made me more I like little groups now more than I like big groups. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you get the one-on-one time and yeah, more.

27:05 Jennifer: Yeah. I would say that um my social interaction drains me the fastest, is my husband's type where we're just there's no return of energy back that it drains me beyond belief. So I have to be careful about that sometimes. Like I can't get around too many people like my husband and just me because I'm like, whoo, you all don't talk about nothing. Something? Does somebody have something to say about something?

27:29 SPEAKER_04: Anyway, so what did a dog do today while I was at the chapel?

27:35 SPEAKER_04: Anything interesting? Yeah. Did you see anybody on your dog walk today? Anyway, we talk about the dogs a lot.

27:41 Jackie: That's our thing.

27:42 Jennifer: Okay, Jeff, go ahead.

27:43 Jackie: You're the last. Okay, what kind of social interaction fills you back up? No.

27:48 Jennifer: Oh, it fills me back up. Oh, so fills you back up. Yeah. Energy. Boom. We're in an energy change. I'm in, and that's why I like my chapels too, because I go there a lot and you can go either way, but I like it when we're in the high energy because it's our best day. So I'm like, woo-hoo! I'm joining the train of energy and everything's great and everybody's loved, and you know. So I can pick up and I'm an energy feeler. So we've talked about that. When I don't like people, I don't like people because of something about their energy.

28:12 Jennifer: Like, I don't have to explain it to y'all. Y'all know. You're like, I'm like not a fan. And I don't care if you are. I'm just not a fan.

28:18 Jackie: She's just gonna be quiet and keep looking at her phone, is what she does. And you can do it.

28:21 Jennifer: You look up at the ceiling for the mothballs.

28:24 SPEAKER_04: I'm looking for dust balls.

28:27 Jennifer: I look down, Jackie looks up, that's you can tell. We are checked out.

28:34 Jennifer: How is your energy style? How is your energy styled as you've gotten older? I think we just kind of touched on that, kind of moved moved in between the two, right? Not so extreme anymore. All right, Jack. What would honoring your energy look like in friendship? I think allowing us to be that way, like now, like you don't want to go out, I want to stay in. Like, okay, I get it. I would want it, you know, be cool with it. Be like, yeah, I get you. Like, not a good day for you. Maybe next week we'll try again.

29:02 Jennifer: So always be up for the change and always accept the change because not everybody every day is feeling all wild and crazy, and not everybody every day is feeling all down. So, you know, you have to might kind of change and and adjust to those friendships and the way it works. You have to the easiest way to make a friendship work is to allow them to just be who they are without a lot of demand on keeping you satisfied with life, I guess. You know, like my job is not to make you feel better, my job is just to be your friend when I can be that.

29:32 Jennifer: But you have to first decide what kind of friend you need. And if you need somebody with high energy and you need somebody who's always willing to go out and returns text, you gotta find somebody that's like that. And not everybody is, so you can't put that on somebody that, you know, be that person for me because I need that is not is not fair. How are you? Are you one of those people? Then great. I can learn to accept that about you. But if you're not one of those people, you have to accept that they don't need that from you or they don't need that energy from you, and you can't expect them from them.

30:02 Jennifer: So um in closing, I would just like to say that this is always about understanding who you are now. And who we've just talked about how we were with kids and we've talked about how we are now, and we've changed. And you need to understand who you are. Um can't base it off old styles, you kind of kind of get to who you are now. Um and this is really it, this episode is about understanding how you connect now. How does that work for you and how what makes you really connect to some other person? Because this is how you find true friendship, besides just somebody to hang out with, is really to figure out who you are so that you know when you're looking for somebody what to look for, right?

30:40 Jennifer: And when women understand their energy, friendship stops feeling like something they're bad at and it starts feeling like something they can build intentionally, which is great, right? So when you understand you, you can definitely make better decisions about what it is you need.

30:54 Jackie: So, like we're saying, a reminder, work on you, then the work on then work on connection. See what you want in a friendship.

31:05 Jennifer: As about looking at yourself and figuring out you before you start venturing into the friendship world so you have the most success at it. All right, if this episode hit you in the fields or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

31:17 Jackie: Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

31:20 Jennifer: And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel.com.

31:24 Jackie: Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

31:51 Song: And every single time we're out of iron heart to heart.