Making Friends Later in Life Series | Episode 1: Beyond the Kids | Female Friendship After Identity Loss

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer.

0:01 Jackie: And I'm Jackie.

0:02 Jennifer: And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind Vestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates that don't come with a marriage license.

0:10 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and this laugh to you snort stuff.

0:15 Jennifer: So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your carvist in peace and quiet, you're in good company.

0:19 Jackie: Let's get slightly unsupervised.

0:21 Jennifer: All right. So today's episode, actually, we're going to do a mini-series. It is about making friends later in life. This will be the first episode in our mini-series. We've been watching something quietly happening with women, especially in spaces like meaning girlfriends. Women aren't trying or trying to look for friends and helping for connection. And what we notice is there's a lot of women that jump straight into who wants to be my friend without ever really stopping to ask, who am I now?

0:47 Jackie: Hmm. And that's not judgment, it's compassion. Because a lot of us spent years making our family, our marriage, our kids, our jobs, our entire world. And now that season has shifted and we're standing here wondering why connection feels so hard.

1:00 Jennifer: So this series isn't about posting a blurb or forcing friendships. It's about doing the work first, understanding who you are now and what you actually need and how you connect. Because real friendships don't start with information, they start with recognition.

1:12 Jackie: So our goal with this series is simple to help women understand themselves so deeply that friendship becomes natural instead of forced. First the work on you, then work on the connection.

1:22 Jennifer: All right, perfect. So really got inspired. We Jackie and I follow because we do a best friend series or best friend podcast. We obviously are looking on different groups on the internet. We've joined them. We're just kind of keeping our eyes open because we're always looking for something to talk about, something that would be relevant for people that are dealing with things in the friendship world. It's certainly easy to find a lot of stuff about people that are having a relationship problem with their significant other.

1:49 Jennifer: But with the girlfriend part, it doesn't get talked about as much and it doesn't have such a free-flowing space. Most women that have issues with women or friends are are not really talking about that on an open public space. And so I got inspired and I know that I got Jackie inspired because I'm like, hey, we should do a series on that. Like, why is adult friendship feel harder um than when we're younger? And how do we help women that have come out of their season of life? A lot of them there, Jackie.

2:18 Jennifer: You you can back me up on this because you read them too, is a lot of women that probably had uh got married and had children and did that season of their life and maybe had friends younger, but didn't really hold on to them or didn't hold a um, they didn't hold such a a big space in their life anymore. And then they got to the end of it because you will be dropped off a cliff one day when your children are raised and they go, I don't need you anymore, mom. And you're like, What? Of course you do.

2:45 Jennifer: And they're like, nope, I don't. I got it on my own. Go find something to do with yourself. And you're like looking around and they're like, Well, I need some friends now, right? I mean, don't you see that on the blogs that we're kind of watching and and monitoring that this is kind of a theme in their lives, like the end of the mothering to now what?

3:04 Jackie: Yeah, there's some that way. There's also some that they're they seem younger, they just have made friends.

3:08 Jennifer: They haven't made friends, like they've haven't had a good relationship with women before. So the series is really gonna kind of tap into that and it really starts with, you know, who are you now? What what is the what are you looking for? Like you can't just be friends with somebody. You have to know who you want to be friends with and how they attract to you because I I don't know, just reading something on the internet and being like, this is the things I like or don't like, I don't know if that's enough to really make you feel like to reach out.

3:38 Jennifer: I I know I was just telling Jackie, I reached out, there was a lady on there, and she lives by me, right? She's looking for friends. So I want to be able to do interviews with women and do some stuff. So I thought, oh, I'll just reach out to her. She's close to me. It might be an easy fit. So I sent her a message. I'm like, hey, I live here. This is an you know instant message or direct message or whatever. Um, I saw your post, blah blah blah. This is what she sent back to me. Cool, cool. That was it.

4:04 Jackie: Well, maybe maybe she checked into you and she wasn't interested. You're not her type.

4:09 Jennifer: I don't know that I've got stuff all over my internet that's about my best friends too, by the way. My Facebook that if you want to make friends, y'all, I'm just gonna be honest with you. Um, yeah, cool ain't gonna cover it. Like if I was if I saw somebody, and maybe you would treat this differently, Jackie, but if I somebody reached out to me and said, Hey, I saw your thing and I near live near you, um, and they and you looked at their profile and they're nothing like you, like nothing. You probably wouldn't respond, right?

4:42 Jennifer: Right. You'd be like, oh, I didn't see that message, or just get rid of that message, or whatever, because you're like, that's not gonna be a thing. So it's worse to say cool than just to say nothing at all. So if she did look at my profile and she's like, Oh my god, we have nothing to comment. Don't say anything, or be like, hey, I saw your profile. You look very nice, but you know, I'm pretty busy. I mean, you can make up excuses. I don't care what you do, but cool is not enough to make anything happen.

5:06 Jennifer: It's like, okay.

5:10 Jennifer: You're now on our podcast. Like, you don't know me. Even if you look at my profile, you don't really know me. You could be like, cool, like, where are you from? How's you know, what do you think about this area? There could be a lot of things that we could talk about that would just be like little like ideas. Do we get along? Can we get along? Is there anything that we could be doing that, you know, could find some common ground? So you have to come with your side of it. You cannot just think people are going to tap dance for you.

5:37 Jennifer: I wasn't out looking for the friendship. I certainly, you know, sent something in to say, hey, you know, whatever. You've got to come with your own stuff, girls. I don't know what we're doing out there, but it wasn't enough to entice me to do anything more than shut my DM down and be like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

5:55 SPEAKER_02: That catch you.

5:58 Jennifer: Set a little blurb. I just went through it. So I wanted to definitely touch base with it. That, you know, if someone reaches out, you got to reach back and do something as well. So but this is how you have to kind of come up with who you are now. Like what are you looking for? And you know, don't just toss everything out the window like it can't be something. You you'd be surprised who you think you don't like, and then you end up being really close friends with because the connection is something beyond what you anticipate that you can make connection with somebody who's completely out of your realm that might teach you some things in life that might change your life.

6:34 Jennifer: Like you can't make such hard lines on I want this, I want that. Like figure out who you are today. Like test the waters, figure out what you like. I mean, it's it's like dating, but it's not with friends. It's you know, you've got to go out and see if there's a connection, a chemistry between you. So, but women off women often lose themselves inside of roles. That's what we've done. I've done it, Jackie's done it. We got lost in who we were for probably what, 20 years of child rearing and and maybe more than that, because they don't exactly grow up at 20.

7:06 Jennifer: I mean, I feel like it gets beyond that a little bit. So maybe there's 20, 25 years of your life was completely, and depends how many kids you have, right? If you have 10, it's gonna go on forever. But you know, we're four. Yeah. Or you're set where your life is about that process. Um, you know, you're now in this transitional period and you're feeling a little lonely, like, well, maybe I need some friends. And, you know, kudos for y'all for getting on there and and at least trying. I mean, I feel bad sometimes as I see some stuff in there and they're like, I didn't get any response last time.

7:40 Jennifer: I'm just hoping this time maybe somebody will say something. You know, and people reach out and they're looking for stuff, and and those are certainly some good places to find some people that might be one of friends or at least looking for friends. I don't know, in today's day and age technology, this is what we're at. We're at internet searching for friendships. And it's not like where else would you meet them? I mean, Jagu, you kind of go some places sometimes, maybe, and you see people out and about and you can meet people and be friends with them in social interaction.

8:08 Jennifer: You know, if you don't have any friends and you really are from a start of zero and you don't your husband isn't gonna go with you, or you know, this is what this kind of is about is like what are you looking for and where are you gonna find them? Because it's not an easy task. It's not like you're on a dating app and they're gonna respond to you. This is kind of like a throw it out and see what sticks. So it it's it's a good process. I don't know if it's working quite that way. I think you need a little deeper than that.

8:35 Jennifer: And you first of all have to figure out who it is that you want to find and how you are in your life because you have changed. If you were basing this on relationships you had prior and you're now 30 years older, you know, you're definitely looking for something different. You're not the same person you were back then. And um, you know, friendships now are different and how we interact with each other is different. So it's it's one of those things. We're gonna do this series, we're gonna start from the beginning, we're gonna go through the processes.

9:06 Jennifer: This is just the beginning one. Inside of our on our website, we're gonna be posting these little like uh self-helps tests or whatever, self-help tests. So you can print them if you would like and kind of go through them. Like journal to yourself. What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? You know, it's easy to post, like, hey, I'm looking for a friend. Then they respond, you're like, cool. And then that's the end of it. So this is what we're gonna do. This is our series. We're gonna work on this right now.

9:32 Jennifer: That we need to be self-aware of what we're looking for and you know, and look at my own.

9:39 Jackie: It's not just the um, like if you're not getting any response online, maybe not take a picture of yourself in these like short shorts and a little tank top and you're right, hey, I want to go out. Does anybody want to go out? I'm not gonna reply to you.

9:54 Jennifer: Right.

9:55 Jackie: So look at your age group and what you're really trying to get. And I mean, maybe this girl's just looking to just go out.

10:01 Jennifer: Well, if you're 20, of course you would. You'd be like, Henry.

10:04 Jackie: And she looked younger, but I'm just like, so that's how you're trying to get a friend.

10:07 Jennifer: But if you're 20, you're like, okay, you look pretty good. We probably get some attention. You know, you might you might think that. Be like, you might be bringing over the boys, so I'm gonna go out with you because you seem like you know, you're 10. But women need something different. We're not, you know, if you're out looking for a man and you want her to attract some people, you might be like, Oh, she could be useful.

10:26 SPEAKER_02: She could be your wingman.

10:28 Jennifer: She could be your wingman. But if you're looking for a friend, you know, just going out to the bars and hanging out is you might have some situations. Yeah, exactly.

10:36 Jackie: And back to the thing that we've talked about before about liking the same guy because you're really not good friends. So what's gonna happen there?

10:43 Jennifer: Right. People will women will look at you like, what is your competition level? Like, I'm not bringing you around my husband. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. You're not going around my husband. So, anyways, this is um the self, this is the self-test that's on there. And Jackie and I are gonna go through it and we're gonna um go back and forth and take it so that you can kind of hear us process through our own stuff, be real honest about it so that you can kind of see what we were doing.

11:10 Jennifer: So I'm gonna start, Jackie, right now. What drained you faster? Too much socializing or too much isolation?

11:15 Jackie: What drains me faster? Both. I'll just be honest, it's not just one. Sometimes too much socializing. And because like I said, I've been so busy for since Thanks before Thanksgiving, just with doing things, you know, not just with our family, but with friends and you know, tons of stuff. And I was so happy when this my sun's shower was over. So I'm like, okay, so this week is like an isolation because if I had too much socializing, but I know starting next week, I'm gonna be like, okay, it's time to start socializing again.

11:46 Jackie: I can't do this.

11:49 Jennifer: Exactly. But I mean, I awareness of where you are in life. Like when you're looking for a friend, if immediately they just want to be the girl in the picture at the bar, want to hang out or go out or whatever, that looks like too much socializing for me. That may not be my cup of teas. And then there's the girl maybe posts a picture and she's, you know, in her room by herself or something. You'd be like, that's too isolated. So there's a balance there. I think I'm in between as well. I don't think either one of those extremes are too much.

12:16 Jennifer: I'm in the middle now. And so I like a little of both, to be honest.

12:20 Jackie: I do. Honest too. Okay, what role has defined you the most in the last 10 years? And are you still living inside it?

12:28 Jennifer: The a role that's identified in the last 10 years has probably been a business owner, a small business owner. That that's been my goal, that's been my focus, right? So I've been doing that a lot. So it's it's my it takes all my energy. I have all my focus on it, and I'm in the middle of it still. I would say yes, I still live inside of that. That's that's what I get up and do. That's what I've done. Prior to that, maybe the previous 10 years was about being a mom and getting my children raised and making sure they were successful at life and you know, doing all those things.

12:58 Jennifer: So I don't live inside that anymore. It is not my job. My job is, you know, kind of done. It's not because I was looking for to be done. It was just something that my children were looking for to go on their own. And so for me, that's, you know, probably what happened. That's where a lot of women are. So I understand the spot that you are out of a job essentially. You were a, you know, you're CEO of your family, and now you are been retired. And it's weird.

13:27 Jackie: How about you, Jack? Uh mine's probably been um also finishing up with get raising my kids, but then a grandmother. Grandmother, because I've got three grandkids and one more on the way, and that's if I'm not doing something for us, I'm usually doing something with them.

13:42 Jennifer: Yeah, that's true. I just had a grandson, so I don't he's just two months old, so it's not gonna be like on my plate right now. Not how busy it's yeah, but it will be. I mean, I hope.

13:52 Jackie: But it used to be because I used to have to drive, remember um when my first one, he's six now. He's gonna be seven this year. I would drive, you know, an hour and a half to two hours every week to go watch him stay the night at my our daughter's house, then watch him on a day, and sometimes it'd be through the weekend or whatever.

14:08 Jennifer: Right.

14:09 Jackie: So I there's a lot of time. Yeah. And I worked a job then too. I worked at the dentist office. So yeah, that's right. I was working full-time there, then would go to help take care of my grandchild, so because our my son-in-law and my daughter had to work and they didn't have daycare for extra days. So I would go help.

14:23 Jennifer: That's really sweet of you. You're a really good grandma. They should be feel very lucky that they got you as a grandma, because I don't know many women that would do all that and make that sacrifice. Not that they don't. I'm just saying not a lot of women would do that. So okay. What was the last time you felt truly yourself around someone? What was happening and why that matters?

14:44 Jackie: You felt truly yourself around someone, what was happening with a lot of time you truly felt truly yourself around someone. I I do all the time. I don't know. I feel like I've I'm I'm pretty truthful all the time to myself. Kind of.

14:57 Jennifer: Yeah.

14:58 Jackie: I mean, except uh except when I do things I really don't want to do. So I don't know why I offer.

15:03 Jennifer: Right.

15:03 Jackie: But I mean another thing, I guess around my husband or or like on this thing with you.

15:08 Jennifer: Right.

15:09 Jackie: Um, you know, because it you like we were saying earlier, you can tell when I'm not into it and when I'm into it. So that's being truly myself.

15:18 Jennifer: Yeah, exactly. So um so I think the last time I felt truly myself. I don't know. I always feel that way when I get like around my friends. I know that, you know, we ran off to Vegas last year. That was just fun. That was just us being fun.

15:34 Jackie: That was a really good trip.

15:35 Jennifer: It was a really good trip. And we just had a good girls' connection and a good week, and we met some people that we had been we hadn't been around in a while. So I'd probably say that was it. And why was I feeling that way? Because I was being so authentically mean. We've been friends for so long. There's no like awkwardness of sharing a room or you know, what we're gonna do, where we're gonna go to breakfast. You know, all those things are just so natural for us. So that's probably the last time I've truly felt like my We always know when I'll be set up.

16:04 Jackie: You'll I'll set up my stuff. And Jen's like, where do you want me to put my stuff? I'm not gonna put my dad, do you tell me where?

16:10 Jennifer: Then she cleans up after you and you're like, what did we lose? Remember that thing we lost? We're like, oh my God, I lost that thing. It was under your mat that we had put out.

16:20 Jackie: I guess I had put a yes, I bring a little mat for my computer.

16:25 Jennifer: No, she brought a place mat to put all of her snacks on. And under there is where this thing had gone.

16:31 Jackie: The room key. The room key because we came up using room keys. And we weren't like, there's only one day that we went out drinking, and then we came back and podcasted. You guys have heard of that one, I believe.

16:41 Jennifer: You haven't. It's on our podcast. But yes, the key for like we have the keys, two keys, and then you come in the room, and I probably set mine down on the thing. I I'll admit, I don't keep track of stuff all that well. I put it down, and Jackie immediately gets out her snacks and puts out her snacks. She brought out a placemat that she brought from home and she set it down and she put her snacks on there in very nice little order, by the way. I mean, you know. But when we left, so we were like, we had to get another key.

17:11 Jennifer: There was a whole thing when we got another key. I'm like, I have no idea what happened to the key. Like, how can you lose a key that quickly? We did not find it till the very end when Jackie packed up her little snacks.

17:21 Jackie: And I did admit to it, I could have hid it and that told you.

17:23 Jennifer: But as being my truly self, you were, and you're like, oh my god, here's the key. And it was under all that. I was like, oh my god. Anyways, that was a great fit. And it was fun. So okay, Jack, you're next.

17:34 Jackie: Okay. What do you no longer tolerate in friendship that you once accepted?

17:38 Jennifer: I don't like selfish that energy. I just don't. I won't deal with it. It's not gonna be something.

17:46 Jackie: Which goes on, like I always say jealousy, stuff like that. Cause I'm like, I don't want to go out with somebody who's like jealous of who we're going out with. You know what I mean?

17:55 Jennifer: I think too on the jealousy front, at 55, if you're still in a jealous mode where that's your that's who you are, you haven't evolved.

18:04 Jackie: I mean, it's different.

18:07 Jackie: You know what I mean? It's still the same thing, like what you're saying. So yeah.

18:10 Jennifer: If you haven't evolved at 55 past it, I don't have energy for you. You have to find somebody that can deal with that who has the energy for that. So, anyways, okay, what kind of support do you crave most right now? Emotional fun, consistency, honesty, or calm?

18:22 Jackie: All of the above.

18:24 Jennifer: Yeah. Well rounded. Like, give me a lot, give me a little bit of everything, but don't try to.

18:28 Jackie: I don't want somebody just emotional. I don't want, or I guess that would be me.

18:32 Jennifer: But I don't crave but you're fun.

18:35 Jackie: I crave fun. I crave fun. I do and honesty, consistency, and calm. Like when we just want to be calm.

18:44 Jennifer: They just want to watch TV together.

18:46 Jackie: Exactly.

18:49 Jackie: Go to separate bedrooms and watch our TV. We're fine with that. You don't have to take it personally. We need our calm time.

18:56 Jennifer: Calm time. You go your way. So I agree. It's kind of one of all of them, but you may be you need to find, I think in this one, really spend some time at it. What do you crave the most? Like, what kind of friend are you looking for? Someone to that's gonna be any of those things. And I'd pick one or two that you really kind of are. I would go for fun. It was a meat craven looking for a friend right now. I'd be like, fun. You better be fun. Yeah.

19:18 Jackie: I don't have time for I don't want to hear party or I'd be like, oh sorry. I'm too old for that.

19:24 Jennifer: No. But somebody who will like just like be up for like, hey, do you want to go have a beer and eat some chips or something like that?

19:31 Jackie: Well, like you were saying, like the 20-year-old's a totally different thing. They could be like, Yeah, I want someone to just go out to be able to go party with. Yeah. Okay, that's fine, but you're not gonna get us at 55.

19:41 Jennifer: No. First of all, I'm not even up past nine. So you're just getting ready at nine. I'm like, I'm in bed.

19:49 SPEAKER_02: Seriously. Because remember when we used to go to Club Metro.

19:52 unknown: Yeah.

19:53 SPEAKER_02: We did not go till like 10 o'clock. How did we do that?

19:56 Jennifer: I don't know. I don't know if we didn't like sleep or what the problem was there, but we just, yeah.

20:01 SPEAKER_02: We really beat our bodies. We really did.

20:04 Jennifer: I know. But that you have the energy. I mean, how many memes do you see when the people are 30 and they're like, good God, what was I doing at 20? Like I would get up and get going now. I can't even move. Like it gets worse as you get older. Okay, your next Jack.

20:16 Jackie: How much access to you feels healthy now? Daily, weekly, monthly, or spontaneous?

20:22 Jennifer: I would say monthly, maybe weekly. Depends, but more like just spontaneous. Hey, how are you feeling today? You want to go grab something? Like, get in my wavelength, you know what I mean? Like, I know I saw you last week, but hey, I'm, you know, I've got a free night or whatever. Like my husband's on a, you know, work vacation or work work trip, whatever he's doing.

20:41 SPEAKER_02: I'd be a little worried if they're on a work vacation a lot.

20:44 Jennifer: Well, in my advance, he is kind of because he's dinner seeing his kids, so he's spending half of it working, half of it on vacation. But either way, so this week's a good week for me, right? I could probably do two or three things. I'd be like, hey, what do you want to do? Because I have the time. Like this week is pretty spontaneous. I'm going to dinner with my sister. I saw my kids the last last night or whatever. So right now my energy level is higher because I have the time and the space to do it.

21:09 Jennifer: But not every week is like that. And so it would change. And so you need somebody who's up for the change, right? So that's how I think I'd probably be on that. It's gotta be kind of whatever spontaneous. If I had to pick one, it's gotta be spontaneous because yeah, like depends on the week. Okay. What scares you most about making new friends, Jack?

21:27 Jackie: Nothing scares me about making new friends.

21:28 Jennifer: No, of course.

21:29 Jackie: I just well, I just keep those like, you know, questions up if they, you know, any like little red flags that not because I'll I'll tell you, uh, I live in California and we live in a um or like a an area which is all a bunch of homes and we're all part of each other with an HOA and everything. Which they do lots of things for us. They have story times for kids on Tuesdays, they have wine clubs that that the women can go to. And like we me and my husband were in a cornhole tournament. We play second place, by the way, everybody.

21:58 Jackie: Nice. But we did meet Like this other couple and boy, she was just pushing and pushing and pushing. We're doing this and we're doing this and uh you want to come to the wine thing and you you can bring, you know, wine for everybody or just for yourself, and I have these par these bingo buncos and like she just did a lot. And she was older, but it was like I kind of looked at the Facebook to kind of check it out. I'm like, Yeah, it's and she's a little too much. So at first I was really nice to her.

22:27 Jackie: You know, I was kinda like, yeah, maybe I'd be in it might be interested, but then she was just too much, like everybody, like almost every week, kind of think putting these women together. Well, she has a boyfriend, but not a husband, but they do a lot of things together, but and he lives there. But too much, yeah, it was just too much of that for me. So I kind of like kept backing it off when she's like, Yeah, you gotta kind of feel that out about somebody. Be like, you know, not everybody's I don't want to because I'm older, but then looking at the group too, they they were all a lot a lot older than me.

22:57 Jackie: So are you just thinking for a young one for this group?

23:02 Jennifer: It's like the golden girls. Oh my god, I would hang out with the golden girls any day of the week, by the way. If they were up for if they were still around, I would go over there and hang out with them. Like they were so funny, but yeah, I get it. Like, it's gotta have some balance there, right? Don't come on too strong because that's Jackie's giving you a grand example of too much could be overwhelming to somebody, so they will back off due to the fact that they feel overwhelmed by the requests.

23:28 Jennifer: Requests they can't do it, maybe try a month later, a few weeks later, be like, hey, I don't know.

23:34 Jackie: So anyways, I was like every other day. Anyways. Hey, we're playing poker tonight, guys. You and your husband won't come over. No, it's Tuesday.

23:45 SPEAKER_04: Tuesday.

23:46 Jackie: Do we think on Tuesday?

23:49 SPEAKER_02: Tuesday's our our new show with Weather with our TV trays and we watch our.

23:56 Jennifer: That's right. Exactly. Some of these women still have their spouses, so they gotta you gotta keep track of that too. So you can't just, you know.

24:04 Jackie: Okay, what kind of friend do you know you are when you're at your best?

24:09 Jennifer: I'm my best friend when I um I'm best at being my friend when I'm just just like having fun, or like somebody needs some emotional support. That's right.

24:21 Jennifer: Yeah.

24:21 Jackie: That's how I look at it. What I'm me.

24:24 Jennifer: Tuesdays. I mean Tuesdays are my best day. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday are my best days.

24:33 SPEAKER_02: According to Jackie. Because you know, if you have my friendship, Jackie's answer is feel lucky if I'm your friend.

24:41 Jennifer: Exactly. Well, I agree with you, Jack. So there you go. Okay. If friendship felt if friendship felt safe, what would it look like? I would say when our friendship wants to do something every night.

24:51 Jackie: That's not true. No, I'd say our like our group friendship.

24:54 Jennifer: Yeah.

24:54 Jackie: I mean, even if we don't talk to each other, we get back together and it, you know, it's the same.

25:00 Jennifer: It's a safe place, yeah, for sure. Yeah, but if you don't have any friends, I guess what you would feel safe about and if it would look like it's just somebody that gets you and makes you feel like comfortable in your own space or your own when you're together. I mean, I I would start looking for somebody who makes you feel comfortable to be around.

25:18 unknown: Yeah.

25:18 Jackie: They don't seem judgmental, they're kind of yeah Yeah, for sure. So, you know, when you're going to throw some of those questions out right away just to see if they're gonna get you.

25:30 Jennifer: I wouldn't say that you would still say somebody who's like, cool.

25:34 unknown: No.

25:35 Jennifer: I'd be like, cool what? I should have put cool beans. I should have read beans and then moved on with it. All right, Jack, you're next. Okay.

25:43 Jackie: What do you want women listening to oh, what do you want women listening to know about themselves after this episode?

25:49 Jennifer: That you should really take some time to sort these things out. Like you are.

25:55 Jackie: You gotta know yourself too and figure out what you want.

25:58 Jennifer: Yeah. And then take some time and really like analyze your situation. It's easy to jump into a friendship. Here's what can happen, and this is what we don't want to happen. I can see it happening. I want a friend. I'm gonna post today. I'm posting, I need a friend. And then maybe somebody responds to you, and maybe they're they're they're like Jackie Kits where this person is like, Oh, okay, we'll be friends and we'll do this and we'll do this, and then you're overwhelmed. And then that time, you're like, that wasn't the friendship for me.

26:23 Jennifer: It got overwhelming for me pretty quickly, and now I don't want to be friends with anybody. It's too much work. I we don't want you to get into that. We don't want you to get in an area that you are not able to re rebound from, meaning that if it wasn't that friendship, there can be other friendships. And so you keep trying it. You don't want you to get overwhelmed by one bad experience and then give up on the whole thing because you don't know who you are yet. You don't know really what you're looking for.

26:46 Jennifer: And when you do know what you're looking for, at least in my mind, you can go in and be like, okay, we spent one afternoon having coffee together and we had a conversation, and it was great, and that person's great because a lot of people are great. It's just not the person for me. I'm gonna keep looking. We want you to get to that, not overwhelmed one time, I'm not gonna do that again. I tried.

27:05 Jackie: Yeah.

27:06 Jennifer: It's a hit and miss, y'all. You're gonna have to go back and forth a few times on that.

27:09 Jackie: So you gotta have some common, some kind of common bonds.

27:12 Jennifer: You do have to some common bond, but if you don't have it right away, it's okay to be like that wasn't my person and keep looking. We don't want you to get overwhelmed and stop. For me, that's the main thing. Don't get overwhelmed. First, look to look at yourself. And once you know more about yourself and what you're looking for, when you go beat people, we're hoping that it'll just be easier for you to be to discern the fact that you are meant to be or not meant to be, and it's okay that you're not, and you can still keep looking.

27:36 Jennifer: So, okay, we want women listening to take this test themselves honestly, quietly, and without fixing anything.

27:42 Jackie: This isn't about becoming someone new, it's about remembering who you are. So the friendships you build actually fit.

27:47 Jennifer: If you're listening to this and realizing you don't know who you are right now, that's not a problem. That's the beginning.

27:52 Jackie: First work on you, then work on the connection.

27:55 Jennifer: Absolutely. And this will be attached to where our podcast is. The the actual test will be in there. You can click on it. It's on our Google Drive. So we made sure that we have it for everybody to do it. Take the test. Start there, start your journey, try to figure out who you are because this is the beginning of it. You can once you know who you are looking for, it's gonna be much easier to find your person. All right, if this episode hit you in the fails or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

28:21 Jackie: Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

28:25 Jennifer: And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your bestimony at rhinestoneweddingchapel.com.

28:29 Jackie: Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

28:45 Song: We stick together right or die to the moon, and no amount of space could ever come between us two. Reuniting's like we never been apart, and every single time we add an eye and heart to heart.

29:13 Song: There's not enough words to describe what you made a mic To put eggs and ups and dance and make it stayed right next to me. I'll make you laugh time.

29:47 Song: It's good.

30:02 Song: We're writing a story. Everything we'll keep on going.