Best Friends & Soulmates: The Power of Female Friendship Beyond Romance

0:00 Jennifer: Hey there, I'm Jennifer. And I'm Jackie. And welcome to Slightly Unsupervised. We're best friends, business partners, and the chaos behind bestimony, a ceremony we created to celebrate the kind of soulmates who don't come with a marriage license.

0:11 Jackie: This podcast is all about that friendship energy, the deep stuff, the messy stuff, and the laugh to you snort stuff. So whether you're driving, folding laundry, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, you're in good company. Let's get slightly unsupervised. Today we are talking about can you have more than one soulmate? Before we get started today, I want to ask everyone listening the question. What is a soulmate? Most of us were raised to believe a soulmate is the one person we're destined to love romantically, the person who completes us, the person we're meant to spend forever with.

0:39 Jackie: The dictionary defines a soulmate as a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. Now, I don't know about you, but I find it interesting that close friend made the definition. Because somewhere along the way, society decided soulmates were only romantic. And yet when I think about the people who have shaped my life the most, some of them aren't romantic relationships at all. They're friendships. Today we're asking a question that might challenge the way we think about love.

1:08 Jackie: Can you have more than one soulmate? And can one of those soulmates be your best friend?

1:12 Jennifer: Well, if you ask me 100%, like soulmate definition to its core is a person that's suited to you. And I looked it up. I wanted to kind of dig deeper into it because I think that, you know, from us being soulmates, 100%, we've lived another life together. I'm almost certain. There's just too much familiarity to some of the things that have happened in our lives. We run a parallel, don't you think, Jackie? I I feel like I go through something, then you go through it, or you go through something and I go through it.

1:41 Jennifer: But the parallels in our lives are very similar to each other about all the things that we have dealt with. And right, just different times. Different times. So sometimes she leads and I follow, and I look to her for you know direction. And sometimes, yeah, sometimes it's the opposite. But the parallels in our lives, in particular, Jackie and I, is just oddly similar to really to just say that it wasn't. But uh I wanted to kind of read this thing about one of the things that most interesting distinctions between a soulmate friendship and a romantic friendship.

2:16 Jennifer: And it's not always it's not always but often. So if you have a best friend or soulmate, agree or disagree with me, Jackie. We cannot talk for 15 years, we can come back to it. You know, it took us a little time, but we're back to familiarity, right? We're already really back to familiar familiarity when I would see you during those 15 years, be see somewhere, we'd be see someone, we taught talking to each other, even though we were thinking we're not friends anymore. And the stories would start coming out, right?

2:39 Jennifer: Like, oh Jen, you remember this, or Jackie remember that? Like even then, it was that way. And then we we got back to the book.

2:44 Jackie: And I don't think, and we always say I don't think we weren't not friends, we just weren't hanging out anymore. Right, right. Right.

2:52 Jennifer: So I just want to kind of like but it wasn't like oh, I mean, it just hang out with Jackie today, and we're just gonna, you know, like there wasn't that familiarity. We'd had sort of a break in that. So, but yeah, here's the the main difference. So a romantic relationship, if you're talking about romance and your soulmate, 100% you can have them. I totally agree with it. You're your romantic person can be it, but it depends on how much there's so many conditions it depends on, right? In order for a romantic relationship to survive, you cannot have a romantic relationship, disagree with me or not, and then three years later see the person again and go right back to where you are because it's the different yeah, the dynamics are different, right?

3:30 Jennifer: So a romantic relationship is needs to survive and thrive on these factors: physical presence, exclusivity, shared goals, attraction, daily partnership, finances, parenting styles, lifestyle compatibility, and timing. When those elements disappear, that relationship cannot simply resume where it started from, right? So a true best friend soulmate can sometimes go years without speaking, reconnect over coffee, and within minutes find themselves back in the same emotional space. The affection may have been dormant, but it was never gone.

4:02 Jennifer: And that's because friends need different things from you. And I don't need your physical presence, your exclusivity, your shared goals, your attraction, your daily. Those things are something that you grow with somebody and you're doing. These things that are with a best friend, a soulmate that may be a best friend, they're different because proximity is not a thing. It is about the recognition of it. Jackie and I are not in proximity to each other. Jackie is in California and I am in Nashville, and we are not in proximity together, and we're still connected very tightly.

4:32 Jennifer: We don't have to see each other, we don't have to have conversations every day. We don't have to do any of those things because the familiarity is the relate, the relationship has a familiarity that you can't just have with everybody. You can't have that in romantic. Romantic is not familiarity, it has a set of rules that need to be in the parameters of that. So, friendship, you know, our our podcast is not digging on romantic relationships. Absolutely not. We want to recognize that 100%. We're just trying to tell the world that these relationships matter and these are why these things matter.

5:05 Jennifer: So a friend is part of your identity. A soulmate friend returns, it can feel like meeting someone again. It's not like meeting somebody again, it's like recovering a piece of yourself, right? Like, I forgot about that about myself, or I forgot, yeah, we did that, or whatever. Like somebody remembers some things about you that I don't remember. So, you know, romantic level often asks, can we build a life together? And a soulmate friendship will ask you, will you be a witness in my life with me? Can you witness this and can you remember these things with me?

5:30 Jennifer: So both of them are found, but only one can sometimes disappear for years and return, and the heart truly never let it go. And when that person returns, it doesn't feel like starting over, it feels like coming home. And so that is the difference I think mostly with a romantic relationship versus another one. And both are important, not taken away from either one of them. I think everybody has different soulmates. But if we're just talking about the one that's your friend, that's the true difference.

5:56 Jennifer: It can leave and come back and start up right where it left off. And I don't know if that's true on a romantic side. I think romantic requires more input to keep it alive daily, hourly, sometimes every few minutes. You need to, you need to be in contact with this person. So uh, anyways, I think soulmates are I think so society has forgotten that this is an important relationship. And I think that's if I'm gonna have one goal in life, if I'm gonna have one purpose in life, it's that I'm going to remind the world that or I'm going to bring it to light.

6:27 Jennifer: It's not even a remind. I think we all know, I just don't think we've put a place into it. These relationships matter, and these women matter, and they witness your life and they will they know your story. They know all of your story: the back story, the front story, the in-between story, the after story, all of the stories. And they're so important to protect and honor because they're a big deal. I think they're a big deal. Jack, do you think they're a big deal?

6:49 Jackie: Definitely. And I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

6:53 Jennifer: Yeah. Like it's so important to just let's start these conversations now where we say, uh pay attention to it. It matters more than you think. I went to I was just telling Jackie, we went, I went to have drinks with a friend of ours last night that we knew from high school. I was friends with her, and Jack's friends with her, whatever, we're friends. But the first thing she was asking is like, what is new? What's going on? And and her friend was with her. I didn't know her friend, but her friend came with her, and I was just telling her about this best of money thing that Jackie and I are doing.

7:22 Jennifer: We've got a we've got a whole thing going on about it. Anyways, I was telling her about it. And and they were listening with intent eyes. Both of them were females, and I was like talking about this best friend thing that it how important this thing is. And within minutes, minutes of just having this conversation, all three of us are crying, tears in our eyes. We're taking our napkins and putting our eyes back up because it never gets any hut. Nobody ever talks about it. It's like, how's your husband?

7:46 Jennifer: How's your boyfriend? What are you guys doing? Like, are you did you get yourself are you validated in life by having the husband? Are you validated in life by having a successful relationship with another opposite sex or same sex? Doesn't matter to me. But, you know, here's somebody that that we never ask, do you have a best friend? Are you really someone's like best friend? Do you have somebody in your life that that thinks you're the the end all to be all in the friend world? And like nobody ever gets any credit for that.

8:11 Jennifer: And so all I'm saying is it needs a recognition and it needs a place where people feel comfortable going. Maybe I didn't get the best luck and love, but maybe I've got the best freaking best friend on the planet, and I am so lucky with that. Like, give some women some places to have success that isn't romantic all the time. So that's all I'm saying. Do you kind of agree with that, Jackie? Like, women could there's a lot of women that we know that maybe haven't had the best romantic relationships or have failed, but they have really good friends, and that should be celebrated too.

8:42 Jennifer: Like, you're a really good friend.

8:43 Jackie: Yeah, both of us. We're we're examples. Hello. That's why we're doing this, right? Right. Exactly.

8:50 Jennifer: We didn't get a hundred percent scorecard on the romance in the beginning. So Hello, we've been through it all.

8:56 Jackie: Like we also lost our friendship for a while because we I had a man who did not like you. Right. And I did not like him. Exactly. Vice versa. So hello. Yeah. Hanging out was not a choice.

9:11 Jennifer: I know. I wondered, like, if we ever think about that, like if what life how life could have been a different if we had been remained friends. I don't know how that I I just don't know how you would have stayed with him. I just don't think I would have put up with that for very long. So I mean, he was right in getting rid of me, for sure. He was right at that. That helped him in his plot to right.

9:30 Jackie: And and the only thing that's different is if I wouldn't have had my children and I have my children. Sure, sure. But of course, we probably still would have been friends. It just would have been a different thing. But of course, because I've had my children, I would never change it. No for that reason.

9:46 Jennifer: No, 100%. And we're not, yeah, you know, everything happens for a reason, and every reason has a outlook.

9:53 Jackie: We both have we're both very happy at where we're at. So there you go. There you go. There was a reason for everything. Nope. There's a reason for it.

10:01 Jennifer: If you have to lose your best friend for somebody, that's a big warning sign, y'all. That's probably not that's somebody knowing that you're have too much influence over somebody and you got to go hit the road. Little lady, you're not helping me out here. So yeah. All right. So here's some signs that you found of friendship soulmate. She knows your history. That check mark for us. There's a lot of history there that even before the currents and even before the before the before, there was a lot of history.

10:28 Jennifer: She remembers your dreams, right? She reminds you sometimes of that stuff. Like I've told Jackie many times, remind me of this stuff because I'll forget about it. Like, keep keep that in your back pocket. There was a girl before that had some stuff, and and even with Jackie, there was a girl before Jackie was married to her first husband. And I'm quite certain that I was put in her pathway before and after, but way after the divorce, because I came back and was like, well, that's not who you are, first of all.

10:57 Jennifer: Like we've talked about it, it's not a new subject, but I reminded her who she was before that situation happened, and remind her of her feistiness that she used to have, and letting her get back to some of that. I know your current husband doesn't appreciate the cheering you on when you have an opinion and state. Oh, he does too.

11:17 Jackie: He says, Is that controlling me now?

11:21 Jennifer: Good. And that's why we're gonna keep that. So uh celebrate your victories, calls you out on your nonsense. Um, I get it at A grade on that one. Although you will do it too. I know you will shows up when life gets hard, doesn't hide in the back, stands in the front, and says, Okay, let's go. Life's hard, let's get this figured out, and loves you through multiple versions of yourself, which I am currently in multiple versions of myself. So thank you, Jackie, for loving me through all of them. And of course, understanding the many psych, the many different vers personalities I have currently.

11:54 Jackie: So oh, we both do, so don't worry about it. All friends do, hopefully. I hope we all do. I hope so. So don't pretend like you only have one. No one has one. No, exactly.

12:06 Jennifer: So, anyway, so again, we want to invite you. Mandy and Billy are one of our podcasts or one of our best a moon stories on our YouTube channel, Bestimonies, and they have they have a life too. They have a good story, and from a soulmate aspect, since they're four. And interestingly enough, I don't know if everybody remember this about Billy and Mandy, but I remember this story about when I watched it was that they were not, they were not like they were best friends, they were always together, but they were not like in the same group as friends at schools, they were different groups, and so they would hang out with different people and then but they were still best friends like behind the scenes, which I thought was interesting because it was a way you would think that if they were friends in high school and all those things, they'd be together all the time and they'd be best friends with the same group.

12:44 Jennifer: That wasn't true with Mandy and Billy, they were in different groups, and so Mandy was in a different group than Billy, and so but still they're best friends, and they're still best friends, and that has lasted a really long time, and some marriages have come and gone in that one. There's some very variable, valuable lessons in that one. So I invite you to listen to Mandy and Billy. They are very connected and definitely what I would consider best friend soulmates beyond Jackie and I. So in any case, all right.

13:10 Jennifer: Let's go in, let's go into the bestie rapid fire question. Jackie, you go first.

13:14 Jackie: Okay. All right. Answer the phone at 2 a.m.

13:17 Jennifer: Who's more likely to answer the phone at 2 a.m.? Probably I'm asleep. Yeah. You won't call me after 7, 8. I'm asleep.

13:24 Jackie: Well, the second one we already know. Hello, get arrested first. Jackie. Yes.

13:30 Jennifer: I don't have that under my scorecard. Thank you very much. But by the grace of God.

13:34 Jackie: And we've already had this one crying during a commercial. I say you now. It used to be random adventure.

13:39 Jennifer: Yeah. Sorts of random venture. That's me. Yeah.

13:44 Jackie: Forget where they parked. We already worked with this.

13:46 Jennifer: These are the same words. All right. Let's go to the one. Do we have it done? Kept is keep a secret. Ooh, sometimes I have a hard time with that. Yeah. I'm better. I forget. I'm not supposed to say things. I'm not trying to be rude, y'all. I really are not. I do generally forget that I'm supposed to not say something sometimes. I will give a secret away. So don't be careful what you tell me.

14:09 Jackie: And we all know give brutally honest advice. That's Jen.

14:12 Jennifer: For sure.

14:13 Jackie: Show up with food during a crisis. That would be me.

14:16 Jennifer: That's I remember something embarrassing from 1987.

14:20 Jackie: Me. You probably. I'm good with the memory things, remember? I tell everybody. You guys are always like, I'll remember his birthdays and all the different things we have to remember.

14:30 Jennifer: Right. That's true. And also just to remember like what was going on. So yeah, we do lean into Jackie's memory quite a bit. Although I brought some stories to the thing that I remember that are different. I think that's what's good about our group is that everybody has a different memory, think. And that's true. We can keep a lot more things alive because somebody else has remembered it and we're like, oh, I actually forgot about that.

14:50 Jackie: Or some of us have remembered it differently. I've noticed that now.

14:53 Jennifer: Yeah.

14:53 Jackie: Like some things I've remembered and it's been a little different than what it really was.

14:57 Jennifer: Really? So you're like, maybe my memory is a little hefty.

15:00 Jackie: Like, you know, tell me if it's not exactly right, because I don't want to say it wrong.

15:06 Jennifer: But I think too, like, it's hard to remember because it was our perception at that time, right? So when I when we were gonna have a a memory at 1987, we're 17 years old. Like the perception of the situation was different than it would be for now. So looking back on it now, you'd be like, no, that was no big deal. But back then it was like, oh my god, this is the biggest thing that never happened to me in my life. I'm so embarrassed or whatever. So perception and time changes because our our viewpoints change as we uh mature and get older.

15:33 Jennifer: So, anyways, all right.

15:35 Jackie: Jackie, a soulmate is someone who gets you completely and supports you in becoming the best version of yourself.

15:41 Jennifer: That's knows the familiarity of a soulmate, is what is is really, I think gets you completely. Yeah, really you you get familiarity with somebody. Like I said, Jackie's life and I are parallel so much that there has to be a connection that happened before we arrived on this earth.

15:59 Jackie: We are somewhere together before. Like you know me when I'm thinking, I know you, what you're thinking. Like like I tell you, like I know when like when I'm with you and I was just with you. Certain things I could tell your mood changes what you're thinking, like how I need to just kind of go with you, like I need to take over on this. She's not in the mood right now, blah blah blah. She needs to go do her thing. Like, I just know it. You know what I mean? And you kind of know where I'm at. Like, same thing.

16:27 Jackie: It just just knowing each other and just taking it over and not caring. It's like, right, you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah, I'm taking over because I am taking it off your plate. I can do it right now. I don't care.

16:36 Jennifer: Give it to me, I'll do it. So that's it. Okay, the thing.

16:40 Jackie: No, the thing the best. This was for you. The thing that my best friend understands about me that nobody else does is what? Is I like how you smile.

16:51 unknown: I know.

16:53 Jackie: But she's smiling right now. It makes you scared.

16:56 Jennifer: No. The thing that under she understands more than any nobody else is, is this like where it came from. Like, I don't know. I don't I don't know if I could have the friendship with a bunch of people that I don't know now because I'm a different human, but there was a different human prior to all of my life getting a hold of me, right? So there's a different gen prior to life getting a hold of her. There was a different Jackie before life got a hold of her. Like we get bamboozled into believing certain things about ourselves or changing our personalities to fit a certain certain circumstance or whatever.

17:32 Jennifer: So the thing that she gets about me that nobody else does is who I who I was and who I am becoming. But more and so important is the person I was because a lot of her and she was fun. I mean I was a fun 17-year-old to some degree. I had a good time. And I I'm thankful that you have that history and that you know that person and the evolving of who I've become, but also the getting to remember who I used to be and getting to still be part of that sometimes and still tapping into that and still laughing and just having a good time and releasing that.

18:06 Jennifer: So that's just the thing that you understand. You understand my history better than anybody because we lived it together, and I I don't you can't just pick up from somebody and give them the history. You can't. It's it's for me, that is the one. So thank you, Jackie, for being that because you do, and I do smile because I'm thankful. I'm thankful for having it. So all right, Jackie.

18:27 Jackie: The thing I admire the most about Jennifer is her passionate drive with her goals and her independent purpose. But I also have your unwavering integrity and your honesty. And also, I couldn't, I couldn't just stop with one thing. Oh goodness. Your deep empathy, your ability to truly feel and understand my emotions, my emotions. You like that? Your emotions, which I do resilient kindness to me and others.

18:56 Jennifer: Well, thank you.

18:57 Jackie: Sorry, I had to put more than one. I was like, but I the first one was your passionate drive. That's your big thing. You're just because I'm like, I'd fall asleep. I I just have to go to my bed and just roll up with how much drive you have.

19:14 Jennifer: Right? And who knew that it would come out? Like, I'm like, even I'm like, damn, girl, take a chill pill. I feel like I'm my own publicist. I'm booking myself on so many shows and trying to get myself out. And I'm like, the entertainment, and I'm getting like bamboozled by my publicist. Only I'm my own publicist. I'm doing it to myself. So I'm like, chill out. You don't need to rule the world. But I don't know why that is. It just is. So thank you for being understanding of it, and thank you for the journey you come with me.

19:43 Jennifer: Before we had this podcast, we had a little chat, and I just was checking in with her to make sure that she was okay because I will, you know, I'll go 100 miles an hour. Jackie's like, you know, I'm on a cruise control at 30 miles. I drive fast, Jackie drives slow. That is a very good indication of how we are, right? Jackie wants to cruise, check out the scenery. I fly by the scenery at 100 miles an hour because I need to get where I'm going. And that's the isn't that the truth that Jackie?

20:11 Jackie: Yeah, that's true. That's a good explanation of both of us.

20:13 Jennifer: You drive your personality and I drive my personality. Like I drive like my personality. Like I am, I will get my car washed every day. So I'm like, ooh, driving, ooh, squirrel.

20:27 Jennifer: She drives so slow, y'all. So slow. I'm just like, oh my God, are we getting there today? Safe. Safe is another word I will put with Jackie. Everything is very safe. And I you take your life in your hands when you get in the car with me because we may or may not make it there. So, anyways, okay. The thing I admire most about Jackie is unwavering devotion and just the person that will stand by me through anything. I cannot give credit to you, you any more than I already have. I'm I'm so blessed, so blessed.

21:05 Jennifer: Like you are my ride or die and have been since we were kids, right? So we lean into each other so very much. But the fact that you don't waver and the fact that you don't leave and the fact that you understand, that's such a blessing, Jack. Such a blessing. See, I'm gonna cry. I've always crying. I know. Don't cry. Don't cry. You can't make me cry. You can't understand how much this girl will put will stand up for you until you've been through it. And then you go, Oh my god, like it's such a blessing.

21:39 Jennifer: And she doesn't give a shit. Like, I don't care who she pisses off, she doesn't care who she pisses off. She will do it because that's who she is at her core. Such a devoted and beautiful friend. So thank you, Jack.

21:51 Jackie: You're welcome.

21:52 Jennifer: I love you. I love you too. All right, let me get through this outro if I can't. One of the reasons bestimony exists is because. We believe some of the greatest love stories in our lives aren't romantic. There are women who stand and decide us through every season. The women who know their stories, the women who remember where we came from, the women who remind us who we are and we have forgotten. Friendship isn't competing with marriage. It isn't competing with family. It isn't competing with other relationships.

22:19 Jennifer: It's simply taking it to rightful place. And then the relationships that matter mostly because love is bigger than romance.

22:27 Jennifer: So maybe today take a moment and tell your person how much they matter. Because time is leading and stories should be told. And one of the greatest love stories of your life is your best friend. We'll see you next time on slightly unsupervised. If this episode hit you in the fields or made you laugh way too hard, we consider that a win.

22:45 Jackie: Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your ride or die.

22:48 Jennifer: And when you're ready to make your friendship official, book your best remote at rhinestonewedding travel.com.

22:53 Jackie: Because the best love stories don't always come with a ring.

23:44 Song: Through heartaches and ups and downs in this life you've stayed right next to me. I've ought to make you laugh, don't you cry?

24:00 Song: The definition of a best friend is good.

24:11 SPEAKER_02: It's good And we'll keep dancing through the race. But ever connected same page. We're writing a story. Everything we'll keep on going every time.

24:50 Song: What you made a made. Two heart aches and ups and dance and dislike. You'll stay right next to me. I thought I'll make you laugh till you cry. Don't come through the moral. The definition of a best friend. It's good.

25:18 Song: It's good.

25:21 Song: It's good.

25:31 Song: Trust that says loyalty.

25:39 Song: You and me love trust that says loyalty.

25:53 Song: You and me, I'm not going to be able to do that.